I went to CEO's last evening and played with O; it was so cute! I wish I had video of all his cooing and aah-ooing he did! What 'stories' he told! He definitely had his eyes on mom and dad as they scurried around getting ready for some company...even though I was sitting right there in front of him! He is reaching, grabbing (and getting!) toys, pulling them to his mouth, listening to the sounds (he seems very sensitive to loud sounds -- they startle and upset him like they did his uncle A at that age.) He pushes himself with his feet in his little jumper/swing. He smiles, sort of laughs and tries to turn over when he's lying on his back. He can hold up his head when he's on his tummy, and lo and behold, the sharp edges of his right lower front incisor are quite apparent! He's teething everything he can get into his mouth! Such a sweetie! He just graduated from his bassinet to his crib. Sweet, sweet, sweet.
Can't wait to see my other new grandbaby when she's born!!!!!
***
At school, assistants were finally hired for my class (instead of subs) and I now hope things will settle down into a good routine so I can actually teach the children rather than the assistants! They even have a few hours on Friday contracted, so we can have little 'team' meetings to plan curriculum and do training.
I keep thinking my job is like a hostage situation. When one has been a hostage long enough, any tiny half-positive thing the kidnapper gives is looked at as a great gift...there's a name for it...is it the "Stockholm Syndrome"? Oh well. That's the way I feel at school. There are still so many things negative, but to have consistent staff (even if they aren't the best) is such a step foward, I feel greatly relieved.
The snow has mostly disappeared and yesterday was in the 45-50 degree range, with a minor breeze, so I walked along the creek. No herons, or unusual birds, but there was the local kingfisher, plus some merganzers and ducks. The Canadian geese were someplace else, too. Today is very moist and the air smells like rain. MMmmmm. Never thought I'd like it so much!
I'm tired as usual. Barb is coming to see me this week. She has had to take a month's medical leave as she broke both arms in a fall a couple weeks ago. She's pretty discouraged, as before her fall she was already in physical therapy for her sciatica, her house was burglarized (she's trying to sell it) and her water heater started leaking. She's really tired of home ownership and is moving in with her daughter and family who are remodeling their home a bit to make a small apartment for her in their house.
So this is what life comes to, doesn't it? We work all our young lives collecting "stuff" and we spend the last 1/4 of our lives trying to get rid of it.
Myself, I'm ready to get rid of all my preschool stuff. The younger teachers have so much more life force and new ideas. I'm ready to pass the baton to them.
My hat is off to younger people who are able to pick up the banner for right teaching of their families and honest work for God and their world. Hang on guys. It won't be long. Jesus is coming.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Ground Hog Day
For some reason I like the 'old farmer's almanac' sort of thought behind Ground Hog's Day. However, I did not like the nightmarish quality of the movie of the same title and that seems to be what I'm re-living this weekend. Last Sunday, snow piled up. This Sunday...repeat. D*** it. I can't get enough done during the week at school, so I plan on doing it on Sundays. But, NOOOOO, here it is snowing again, same song, second verse. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of WW weather, the administration at my job, of me, basically.
I'm afraid of falling down or wrecking my car/myself in this white stuff. Oh, how I hate getting old and fears creeping in. Yet, I WILL GO TO THAT HORRIBLE SCHOOL AND GET MY ACT TOGETHER THIS AFTERNOON IF IT KILLS ME...and sometimes that doesn't sound so bad. Lying in the peaceful, blessed earth and awaiting Jesus' coming. Yea, I'm depressed, curse it all!
More than the February blues, too.
Oh, I know, "shout for joy, this is a new day"........more of the same. Oh, yea, others are much worse off than me, be thankful...oh, I am. Am I still depressed? Yeah.
Do I have good things now and to look forward to? Yeah. Am I still depressed? Yeah.
Do I like snow, basically? Yes, it is beautiful, muffles manmade noises, covers the ugly barrenness of winter. I even used to like to walk in it. But now, I just want to sit and cry. Will I, probably not. But I must face this fear of mine and get out there in it. I'll put on my little spikey treads and maybe even walk to school. That'll teach it. It canNOT overcome me!!!!!!!!
Grrr.
I'd add pictures, but all you need to do is look at the ones already posted.
I'm afraid of falling down or wrecking my car/myself in this white stuff. Oh, how I hate getting old and fears creeping in. Yet, I WILL GO TO THAT HORRIBLE SCHOOL AND GET MY ACT TOGETHER THIS AFTERNOON IF IT KILLS ME...and sometimes that doesn't sound so bad. Lying in the peaceful, blessed earth and awaiting Jesus' coming. Yea, I'm depressed, curse it all!
More than the February blues, too.
Oh, I know, "shout for joy, this is a new day"........more of the same. Oh, yea, others are much worse off than me, be thankful...oh, I am. Am I still depressed? Yeah.
Do I have good things now and to look forward to? Yeah. Am I still depressed? Yeah.
Do I like snow, basically? Yes, it is beautiful, muffles manmade noises, covers the ugly barrenness of winter. I even used to like to walk in it. But now, I just want to sit and cry. Will I, probably not. But I must face this fear of mine and get out there in it. I'll put on my little spikey treads and maybe even walk to school. That'll teach it. It canNOT overcome me!!!!!!!!
Grrr.
I'd add pictures, but all you need to do is look at the ones already posted.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
End of January
I've had lots of thoughts to 'blog' this month, but haven't actually put them on paper....you may be Glad about that!
School began after our Christmas Break and within 2 days I was depressed about my work again. I'm ready for the transition from full time work to part time or to change the focus. It may take 5-6 years for this to happen, but it will. I just pray and hope I can do it with grace, intellect, and stewardship.
The middle of the month was most exciting as I got to accompany my daughter and dear little grandbaby to Canada on a short jaunt, while C trained some people on the software Conclusive Systems. I got to be "Nanny"! It was 24/7, but by the second day I was into a schedule with my dear little O. He weathered the trip really well, considering he is such a small mite! Even C and I got into a nice routine and were much more savvy about what we needed to take/leave to travel. We took the plane, the ferry and rented a car. Whew! Believe it or not, the most frustrating and hard part of the trip was using a defunct car seat provided by the car rental agency.......next time, we'll take our own, no matter how awkward that car seat is!
I was able to take O on a walk along the waterfront, which was absolutely beautiful. It filled my heart with nature's beauty and the moist air was good for my sinuses and lungs! Snow capped peaks and the ocean all in one. What could be better?
We left WW with a bit of 'snowy' fog and while we were gone it snowed a couple of inches. It sort of melted and then, last weekend, 9 -- NINE -- inches fell. The school deemed a 2-hour delay appropriate, while all the other nearby districts closed for the day. (And I thought Oak Harbor was nuts! Hah! This place is so backward and out of touch, I can't believe it.) Of course, I was helping with interviews at the district office 9 a.m. Monday morning and those were not cancelled, so at 7 a.m. I was out shoveling my driveway. I worked up a sweat and thought I might have a heart attack. I'm definitely not in shape for shoveling 9 inches of snow off a driveway. However, despite the pulled shoulder and sore muscles, I am so glad I did it, as my driveway and sidewalk have not subsequently been covered with the sheet of ice that preceded and followed the snow storm. (I put ice melter everywhere). Of course, the school and the district office shoveled all the snow from the parking lots to leave the sheet of ice underneath, so Ifeel like I take my life in my hands everytime I walk across them. And throughout the week I've heard no one complain about that....amazing. (My dear friend Barb fell and broke both arms recently.......I don't want the same to happen to me!) And of course, the weirdness that is WW is the same as it was 30 years ago when I lived here going to college. They plow all the snow from the roads onto the middle of the street and on the sidewalks, which block all the bus shelters and leave the sidwalks unpassable. No one has any foresight, here. They don't seem to think past the end of their noses. (Just like the hiring for an assistant in my classes (no I still don't have one, I've had subs all year, which change often). They are trying to fill the gap till the end of the year and not thinking about hiring someone more permanent, who might stay awhile, so we could actually build a good team and have continuity, consistency, build relationships with our students. Okay, don't get me started on That one!
Back to the weather. It was very beautiful and I got to watch it throughout the day Sunday, pile up around my place. Here is a look at my backyard fence (which blew down in our windstorm Jan 4) as the snow piled up. the last picture is the neighbors' fence beside my driveway.
Sunday morning:
Sunday afternoon:
Monday Morning:
This morning we have another 2-hour delay to school starting since the snow melted enough yesterday to leave a wonderful icey sheen when it froze overnight.
I've had kids have melt down tantrums when we walk through that wonderful snow to the bus and they don't get to play in it. A whole playground full of the stuff and the liability for thrown snowballs is too much for the district. The kids have to stay indoors to play. It irks me no end. How are kids going to learn anything nowadays if they can't touch, feel, experience their world around them? Now I'm all for safety, but if we take no risks in life, why is it worth living?
For now, I'm safe, warm, dry, and my car is still trudging through the snow to get me where I need to go. I have plenty to eat, I'm basically healthy and God has blessed me with wonderful friends and family. I hope you, too, are thriving in winter survival.
School began after our Christmas Break and within 2 days I was depressed about my work again. I'm ready for the transition from full time work to part time or to change the focus. It may take 5-6 years for this to happen, but it will. I just pray and hope I can do it with grace, intellect, and stewardship.
The middle of the month was most exciting as I got to accompany my daughter and dear little grandbaby to Canada on a short jaunt, while C trained some people on the software Conclusive Systems. I got to be "Nanny"! It was 24/7, but by the second day I was into a schedule with my dear little O. He weathered the trip really well, considering he is such a small mite! Even C and I got into a nice routine and were much more savvy about what we needed to take/leave to travel. We took the plane, the ferry and rented a car. Whew! Believe it or not, the most frustrating and hard part of the trip was using a defunct car seat provided by the car rental agency.......next time, we'll take our own, no matter how awkward that car seat is!
I was able to take O on a walk along the waterfront, which was absolutely beautiful. It filled my heart with nature's beauty and the moist air was good for my sinuses and lungs! Snow capped peaks and the ocean all in one. What could be better?
We left WW with a bit of 'snowy' fog and while we were gone it snowed a couple of inches. It sort of melted and then, last weekend, 9 -- NINE -- inches fell. The school deemed a 2-hour delay appropriate, while all the other nearby districts closed for the day. (And I thought Oak Harbor was nuts! Hah! This place is so backward and out of touch, I can't believe it.) Of course, I was helping with interviews at the district office 9 a.m. Monday morning and those were not cancelled, so at 7 a.m. I was out shoveling my driveway. I worked up a sweat and thought I might have a heart attack. I'm definitely not in shape for shoveling 9 inches of snow off a driveway. However, despite the pulled shoulder and sore muscles, I am so glad I did it, as my driveway and sidewalk have not subsequently been covered with the sheet of ice that preceded and followed the snow storm. (I put ice melter everywhere). Of course, the school and the district office shoveled all the snow from the parking lots to leave the sheet of ice underneath, so Ifeel like I take my life in my hands everytime I walk across them. And throughout the week I've heard no one complain about that....amazing. (My dear friend Barb fell and broke both arms recently.......I don't want the same to happen to me!) And of course, the weirdness that is WW is the same as it was 30 years ago when I lived here going to college. They plow all the snow from the roads onto the middle of the street and on the sidewalks, which block all the bus shelters and leave the sidwalks unpassable. No one has any foresight, here. They don't seem to think past the end of their noses. (Just like the hiring for an assistant in my classes (no I still don't have one, I've had subs all year, which change often). They are trying to fill the gap till the end of the year and not thinking about hiring someone more permanent, who might stay awhile, so we could actually build a good team and have continuity, consistency, build relationships with our students. Okay, don't get me started on That one!
Back to the weather. It was very beautiful and I got to watch it throughout the day Sunday, pile up around my place. Here is a look at my backyard fence (which blew down in our windstorm Jan 4) as the snow piled up. the last picture is the neighbors' fence beside my driveway.
Sunday morning:
Sunday afternoon:
Monday Morning:
This morning we have another 2-hour delay to school starting since the snow melted enough yesterday to leave a wonderful icey sheen when it froze overnight.
I've had kids have melt down tantrums when we walk through that wonderful snow to the bus and they don't get to play in it. A whole playground full of the stuff and the liability for thrown snowballs is too much for the district. The kids have to stay indoors to play. It irks me no end. How are kids going to learn anything nowadays if they can't touch, feel, experience their world around them? Now I'm all for safety, but if we take no risks in life, why is it worth living?
For now, I'm safe, warm, dry, and my car is still trudging through the snow to get me where I need to go. I have plenty to eat, I'm basically healthy and God has blessed me with wonderful friends and family. I hope you, too, are thriving in winter survival.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
My Gifts of the New Year
I've been thinking of gifts of all kinds recently, attempting to rise above the quicksand of depression that continues to attempt pulling me under.
1. Precious grandson:
2. A great blue heron not 20 feet from me on a walk I took New Year's day.
3. Safety through the West Coast Storm that hit us Friday with 78 mph wind gusts. Both CEO's and my houses were left standing free of damage from falling trees, wind, dust/sand. only the fence blew over.
4. Children (and now grandchildren) who are the light of my life.
5. Friends, silver and gold, who add levity and sanity to my life.
6. God, who is is Always with me and is coming very soon.
1. Precious grandson:
2. A great blue heron not 20 feet from me on a walk I took New Year's day.
3. Safety through the West Coast Storm that hit us Friday with 78 mph wind gusts. Both CEO's and my houses were left standing free of damage from falling trees, wind, dust/sand. only the fence blew over.
4. Children (and now grandchildren) who are the light of my life.
5. Friends, silver and gold, who add levity and sanity to my life.
6. God, who is is Always with me and is coming very soon.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Okay, Okay.
It's typical to write a "Happy New Year' blog expounding on all the glorious wonders one expects in the new year. So here goes my version:
Starting 2008 with a hangover probably does not bode well as to your having a positive outlook for your life in 2008.
What glorious wonders to you think will happen in your life?
What resolutions have you made/do you think you will actually accomplish?
Are you one who just 'flies by the seat of his/her pants' and lets come what may?
Are you an obsessive planner?
Do you freak out when your plans change unexpectedly?
Can you flow with the change?
Are you optimistic or pessimistic about your life as you reflect on 2007?
Has that reflection impacted what 2008 will mean to you?
Do you ever reflect? Does/does it not help you make positive growth?
Do you look forward to old age? Health, Finances, Fun?
Are you preparing long term for your final years on this earth?
If not, DO IT NOW!
Take advantage of those positive opportunities that come to you NOW, even if there are great RISKS involved.
Do what I say, not what I didn't do.
Starting 2008 with a hangover probably does not bode well as to your having a positive outlook for your life in 2008.
What glorious wonders to you think will happen in your life?
What resolutions have you made/do you think you will actually accomplish?
Are you one who just 'flies by the seat of his/her pants' and lets come what may?
Are you an obsessive planner?
Do you freak out when your plans change unexpectedly?
Can you flow with the change?
Are you optimistic or pessimistic about your life as you reflect on 2007?
Has that reflection impacted what 2008 will mean to you?
Do you ever reflect? Does/does it not help you make positive growth?
Do you look forward to old age? Health, Finances, Fun?
Are you preparing long term for your final years on this earth?
If not, DO IT NOW!
Take advantage of those positive opportunities that come to you NOW, even if there are great RISKS involved.
Do what I say, not what I didn't do.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Pretty much the same ole' thing.
Christmas went well, and I loved spending time with CEO. E surprised C by buying and putting up a Christmas tree complete with decor for her to wake up to on Christmas morn. Can you think of anything more romantic? My camera was on the fritz, so I didn't get any pictures.
My printer won't work, my computer is bogged down, the TV stations are all fuzzy without cable and I'm technically and financially challenged to the hilt. All of that leaves me feeling displaced, unorganized, out-of-sync with my world. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever 'get in sync' here in WW.
I've looked on the internet for New Year's Eve doings and unless I want to go to the Elks' dinner/dance, or travel to Tricities for their celelbration, there's nothing here. I've never seen so little community spirit. I laughed my head off about OH's spirit, but at least they had spirit and enthusiasm!
I'm deeply in love with spending time with CE and especially little O, but I tire easily. They spent the night recently as their floors were drying from the final finish, and I can say that I know now why I had children when I was young. I just don't have that internal fountain of energy that somehow you dig into when you are young. Little O slept 10 hours straight; I woke up a couple times just worrying about it! Dumb. With that and my usual trip to the bathroom during the night, I didn't feel very rested in the a.m. Yet, I loved seeing my family and the little bright-eyed boy in the morning. He smiles and grins in recognition and actually gets his thumb in his mouth to suck while he sort of 'twists' his hair on the back of his head. He can't get that organized neurologically in the afternoons when he's tired (and when I often get to see him when I'm working). It's so wonderful to watch him grow. And his parents are doing such a great job loving him!
I really can't think of anything else that's important to say. It's late and I should get to bed, as I have a lot I want to accomplish tomorrow.....that I didn't get done today. Work I need to do at school is already starting to eat away at my brain, so I will end up going there this week to see what I can accomplish.
Life goes on, and on, and on, and on. Yawn.
My printer won't work, my computer is bogged down, the TV stations are all fuzzy without cable and I'm technically and financially challenged to the hilt. All of that leaves me feeling displaced, unorganized, out-of-sync with my world. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever 'get in sync' here in WW.
I've looked on the internet for New Year's Eve doings and unless I want to go to the Elks' dinner/dance, or travel to Tricities for their celelbration, there's nothing here. I've never seen so little community spirit. I laughed my head off about OH's spirit, but at least they had spirit and enthusiasm!
I'm deeply in love with spending time with CE and especially little O, but I tire easily. They spent the night recently as their floors were drying from the final finish, and I can say that I know now why I had children when I was young. I just don't have that internal fountain of energy that somehow you dig into when you are young. Little O slept 10 hours straight; I woke up a couple times just worrying about it! Dumb. With that and my usual trip to the bathroom during the night, I didn't feel very rested in the a.m. Yet, I loved seeing my family and the little bright-eyed boy in the morning. He smiles and grins in recognition and actually gets his thumb in his mouth to suck while he sort of 'twists' his hair on the back of his head. He can't get that organized neurologically in the afternoons when he's tired (and when I often get to see him when I'm working). It's so wonderful to watch him grow. And his parents are doing such a great job loving him!
I really can't think of anything else that's important to say. It's late and I should get to bed, as I have a lot I want to accomplish tomorrow.....that I didn't get done today. Work I need to do at school is already starting to eat away at my brain, so I will end up going there this week to see what I can accomplish.
Life goes on, and on, and on, and on. Yawn.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Should be Thankful, not Grouchy
This morning I woke up grouchy. The cat jumped up on my dresser, knocking over my little breakables (but didn't break any). I didn't want her up there and didn't want her to knock over the glass lantern I have up there, so I grabbed her and dropped her on the floor. Now I feel so-o-o-o bad because she's limping and holding up her front paw. She never yelped or anything. She lets me touch it, so I can't figure out where it might be hurt. Oh, patience.
I think I'm also grouchy because I really want to go to the church's brunch, but it is early and I want to be at P.O. when it opens at 10 a.m. to pick up a registered letter. I tried to get it yesterday after work, but the postal carrier was still on his route, so the letter hadn't returned to the P.O. Makes me so angry! First of all, I had to FIND the P.O., then I had to find a legal place to PARK, then I had to WAIT IN LINE. I hate overcrowding. The P.O. will probably have an extra long line up today. Gruff. (P.O. open from 10-2 today)
And I'm mad at myself for all the junk food I've been blithely downing. Took my blood pressure and weight at the local pharmacy while I was WAITING IN LINE to get a prescription this week and WHOA! This old woman needs to go on a serious weight reduction plan. Plus exercise. I haven't since I moved here and I'm feeling like a 'bowl full of jelly'. Ho, Ho, Ho.
Guess I'll go see what the cat's up to now. I hear her prowling in something!
I think I'm also grouchy because I really want to go to the church's brunch, but it is early and I want to be at P.O. when it opens at 10 a.m. to pick up a registered letter. I tried to get it yesterday after work, but the postal carrier was still on his route, so the letter hadn't returned to the P.O. Makes me so angry! First of all, I had to FIND the P.O., then I had to find a legal place to PARK, then I had to WAIT IN LINE. I hate overcrowding. The P.O. will probably have an extra long line up today. Gruff. (P.O. open from 10-2 today)
And I'm mad at myself for all the junk food I've been blithely downing. Took my blood pressure and weight at the local pharmacy while I was WAITING IN LINE to get a prescription this week and WHOA! This old woman needs to go on a serious weight reduction plan. Plus exercise. I haven't since I moved here and I'm feeling like a 'bowl full of jelly'. Ho, Ho, Ho.
Guess I'll go see what the cat's up to now. I hear her prowling in something!
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Potpourri
Snow... our third snow of the season. Wet, heavy snow with large snowflakes drifting down. Beautiful in the night, a veritable pure jewel-like state in the morning light.
Speaking my mind: Aging: Growing older has an interesting quality of bringing wisdom from experience and a reflective state of thinking about life. Then sharing just enough but not too much.
I remember being so unsure, so full of anxiety and insecurity when I was a teen. Adults told me I would grow out of it. A lot they knew, I thought.
Then, being in my 20's, being full of life's dreams and expectations, seeing some of those come to fruition, thinking the world was mine.
Getting to my thirties and forties, having some experience and energy to follow through with hard work, I forged ahead to bigger and better dreams, looking askance at those 50 and older who seemed to fall out of the current and drift along the sidelines...happily! It seemed irresponsible to me. They had so much to give! Why didn't they share their wisdom and then let me use it to 'go up the ladder of success'! Still thinking pretty selfishly.
Reaching that age of 40-ish where life seemed to trudge on and I asked, "Is this all there is to life? I'm burned out!" Then seeing greener grass on the other side of the fence, trying it and finding more pain and upset of the principles of my life than I ever thought possible. Righting that as best I could, I trudged on, asking forgiveness and remaking my life.
Reaching fifty. Saying to myself that I've reached the 1/2 century mark. Yes, 1/2 a CENTURY! OMG! Looking back over the last ten years and seeing that I'd made it through the most difficult adult period in my life. Ready to try new challenges, as I was bored monetarilly and mentally with the work I was doing, I went back to school and began a new career. Fun, new challenges and the start of a good new phase of life. Finally I was free to be me and do what I wanted to do....still selfish, don't you think?
Now, I near 60. More reflection. I find myself not wanting to work so hard. I'm very content to let others row against the current while I hold on and ride along. I find myself becoming unsure once again and actually being content to float along near the shore. My "I can do anything I set my mind to" mindset has lessened. I'm not sure I can do anything successfully anymore. I even tread softy in the snow for fear I may physically fall down and not be able to get up again or have anyone there to help. I don't heal as fast and my body, I know, is gaining downhill momentum. I do more to make things easy for myself. Make more notes about things I want to remember and I fear with the rest of the baby boomers that I may be losing my mind. By the way, I dislike crossword puzzles, which seem to be the favored antidote to losing one's mental acuity.
I want peace, contentment, even more time to sit in reflection, watch the snow fall, pet Lilo, cradle my grandson, visit with friends, treasure relationships. This is what life is about. People. The people in our lives. I know that even they come and go. But I learn from them... about life. Even the negative relationships teach me how to live a better life. I pray for all those who walk in and out of my life. I enjoy grasping moments in God's nature, watching his creatures, basking in the warm sunlight, watching the miracle of a snowfall or gentle cleansing rain. Even feeling the wind on my face and knowing that it blows in fresh air and then is followed by calm and stillness. Here , in a calm, still pool I can hear God's voice if I listen. Am I listening?
Work: It goes on...and on...and on. Since I've made the mental decision to look around for something related that may be easier to physically and mentally handle, I feel freer, less stress. Nothing, yes, nothing, is forever. Except God's love. When all else is gone, God is there. He holds me along the shore so I don't get caught in the wild current and drown. IF only I can remember to cling to Him at all times, whether smooth water or wild.
Speaking my mind: Aging: Growing older has an interesting quality of bringing wisdom from experience and a reflective state of thinking about life. Then sharing just enough but not too much.
I remember being so unsure, so full of anxiety and insecurity when I was a teen. Adults told me I would grow out of it. A lot they knew, I thought.
Then, being in my 20's, being full of life's dreams and expectations, seeing some of those come to fruition, thinking the world was mine.
Getting to my thirties and forties, having some experience and energy to follow through with hard work, I forged ahead to bigger and better dreams, looking askance at those 50 and older who seemed to fall out of the current and drift along the sidelines...happily! It seemed irresponsible to me. They had so much to give! Why didn't they share their wisdom and then let me use it to 'go up the ladder of success'! Still thinking pretty selfishly.
Reaching that age of 40-ish where life seemed to trudge on and I asked, "Is this all there is to life? I'm burned out!" Then seeing greener grass on the other side of the fence, trying it and finding more pain and upset of the principles of my life than I ever thought possible. Righting that as best I could, I trudged on, asking forgiveness and remaking my life.
Reaching fifty. Saying to myself that I've reached the 1/2 century mark. Yes, 1/2 a CENTURY! OMG! Looking back over the last ten years and seeing that I'd made it through the most difficult adult period in my life. Ready to try new challenges, as I was bored monetarilly and mentally with the work I was doing, I went back to school and began a new career. Fun, new challenges and the start of a good new phase of life. Finally I was free to be me and do what I wanted to do....still selfish, don't you think?
Now, I near 60. More reflection. I find myself not wanting to work so hard. I'm very content to let others row against the current while I hold on and ride along. I find myself becoming unsure once again and actually being content to float along near the shore. My "I can do anything I set my mind to" mindset has lessened. I'm not sure I can do anything successfully anymore. I even tread softy in the snow for fear I may physically fall down and not be able to get up again or have anyone there to help. I don't heal as fast and my body, I know, is gaining downhill momentum. I do more to make things easy for myself. Make more notes about things I want to remember and I fear with the rest of the baby boomers that I may be losing my mind. By the way, I dislike crossword puzzles, which seem to be the favored antidote to losing one's mental acuity.
I want peace, contentment, even more time to sit in reflection, watch the snow fall, pet Lilo, cradle my grandson, visit with friends, treasure relationships. This is what life is about. People. The people in our lives. I know that even they come and go. But I learn from them... about life. Even the negative relationships teach me how to live a better life. I pray for all those who walk in and out of my life. I enjoy grasping moments in God's nature, watching his creatures, basking in the warm sunlight, watching the miracle of a snowfall or gentle cleansing rain. Even feeling the wind on my face and knowing that it blows in fresh air and then is followed by calm and stillness. Here , in a calm, still pool I can hear God's voice if I listen. Am I listening?
Work: It goes on...and on...and on. Since I've made the mental decision to look around for something related that may be easier to physically and mentally handle, I feel freer, less stress. Nothing, yes, nothing, is forever. Except God's love. When all else is gone, God is there. He holds me along the shore so I don't get caught in the wild current and drown. IF only I can remember to cling to Him at all times, whether smooth water or wild.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Snow and Praising God
Snow. Cold snow. It has been snowing off and on for the last 2--no make that 3 -- days now. It is really wet and didn't stick to the roads at first, but now there is a white frosting on everything. And it is cold. Stays in the 20's and 30's day and night. Brrrrr. My house feels cold till I go outside and then come back in, then it feels toasty. I think of my friend Barb and her gas fireplace....oh, how I could use it now!
Since I worked all day on a Sunday when I moved my classroom upstairs (I still shudder to think about all the work it took, but thankfully I had some absolutely wonderful help!) I decided to take yesterday off and I made plans to drive to Portland, visit with friends and SHOP (no tax there and I can find what I want!). I was even considering calling in sick on Monday to stay an extra day. Well, I kept listening to the weather reports to be sure the Gorge weather would be passable. Then it started snowing and the report was for more snow here and freezing rain on Sunday. I cancelled my trip and keep telling myself it's all for the good, as I'll save money this way. Humph, sigh. I really miss my friends there. ...And the shopping, oh, the shopping!
Thoughts: I know I'm not a trusting person. This small town mentality of everyone wanting you to trust them (especially my crazy principal and supervisor) makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. I do not know these people, yet they expect me to instantly trust them and follow their lead. Can you see why I'm spooked? I refuse to play their games and they are trying to draw me into their little webs. I've always had to look out for myself, take care of myself....to preserve my 'Real Self'. I'm not sure I really fit into this community. OH had a small town 'trust', but it was different as there are so many military families coming and going. Somehow, I think I could have fit in there better and was beginning to before I moved.
There are pluses and minuses here. I never would have been able to have the joy of Grandparenthood had I not moved here. 'My' little Oliver is quite precious (as you can see from the pictures.) I'm glad to be here for CB2 and E, too, if he needs me.
It is taking me a long time to get 'up and running' here, where in OH it seemed to happen quite quickly. The process is wearing me down. Work is wearing me down. I'm to the point where I dread going to work.....and I used to LOVE my work...not just my job.....it was my soul work.....'was'? I want to retire and play with my grandkids, not work with other people's children. I know that if I didn't work, I obviously wouldn't even have a roof over my head, would miss out on meeting some wonderful families, but wouldn't have to put up with the s*** of public politics or families whose children are not their priority.
I'm really considering another way to use this teacher-talent God has given me. If any of you have any good ideas, let me know. I do not want the responsibility of having my own preschool, I'm not the director type, nor do I have the business head to do it. I can't even keep my one checking account afloat!
I made a huge faux paux at work this week....well, it started a couple months ago when I was supposed to have some paperwork done and kept putting it off. Oh, I could give a lot of really plausible excuses, but basically, I put off the paperwork because it is so hard to do, and when I did actually attempt it (when I had time was after school or on weekends) I'd run into some technical problem and there was no one around who could answer. We have a rigid deadline to turn in our paperwork at the district office and it was fast approaching. I asked the secretary what needed to be turned in, she told me and I faxed in that portion of the paperwork, thinking "Whew, I made it!"
Then, yesterday, on my day off, I stopped by the school at noon to give the principal a note and she said it was a good thing I was there, as my team was doing all my paperwork so the deadline would be met. I was shocked and so embarrassed. I went to talk to them right away. I had all the information laid out, just had not put it into the forms because of those technical problems I kept having. (I'm technically challenged as my children with attest.) But oh, was I shook up! Of course, the principal reiterated to me that if I was having problems I should have come to her so she could get me the help. {Actually I did ask for help with the computer technology, but the techie hasn't made an appointment yet; when I remind her she says she's having some problems, but will get back to me SOON.} More of that 'trust' issue again. I know if I ask the principal for help, she'll mark me down because of it. I had asked some team members for help. I trust a couple of them, anyway. Basically, it was my own procrastination that got me in deep doo-doo. Of course I was so embarrassed and upset I ended up shedding a few tears and then my stomach was so upset I couldn't even eat......and for those of you who know me, you'll realize that I usually EAT when I'm under moderate amounts of stress. But this stress skyrocketed me off the charts of eating to assuage the emotions.
Okay, why is it so hard here? Is it because I have this negative reaction to Walla Walla? Maybe God brought me here to heal these vague, uncomfortable feelings I have about WW. I do know that moving to WW when I was in college, away from what was familiar and into a new 'culture' both geographically and socially, was hard on me. Going through those 'boyfriend' times for the first time in my life was hard (I'm a late bloomer, too.) I had never learned appropriate boundaries with my own feelings and how to sort out what's logical and just phases of growing up.
Enough, already. This is probably more than you ever wanted to know. But it's out there. I won't retract it as perhaps even the writing of it is healing. Okay, okay. I can hear you saying: "Here is an old lady who still is trying to figure life out? Grief!
Well, life is a journey. I do feel healed from a lot of pain in my life, and much of that pain has been replaced with joy and understanding. But there are those dark corners in our lives we all run from, I suspect. I guess I've always been the type of person to tries to analyze situations...perhaps not in the moment, but in retrospect, so I can respond more 'real time'. And when I was a child I can remember imagining every scenario I could with the response I would give, to prepare me for whatever might come my way. Survivalism at it's best/worst, wouldn't you say? Then I went through a phase of doing everything pretty spontaneously ...well, as much as a 'survivalist' can. Now I'm somewhere in the middle, I think, but there are still things that throw me off balance.
Between writing lines of this blog entry, I've had a phone call from a friend, called my daughter to say, " let's take a walk in the snow rather than go to church," and made breakfast, complete with cinnamon toast and homemade latte (not as good as the local drive through, though.) I've listened to the SS lesson from the ABN channel (it is nice to have that on Sabbath). I've petted Lilo....who cried and cried to be let outdoors and then, after sitting on the cold step (oh no, those little paws did not want to touch the snow!) came back in. So I shut the door and she sat at it and cried more. Silly cat. I finally ignored her and she got up into her cat tree to watch outside.
I sit here looking at the little sign in my window with a little red train engine and the words "I think I can" and say to myself, 'Duh, that's what I need to do..chug, chug, chug "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."
Do have a happy Sabbath. Stay warm and dry. Praise God for the blessings we have.
Since I worked all day on a Sunday when I moved my classroom upstairs (I still shudder to think about all the work it took, but thankfully I had some absolutely wonderful help!) I decided to take yesterday off and I made plans to drive to Portland, visit with friends and SHOP (no tax there and I can find what I want!). I was even considering calling in sick on Monday to stay an extra day. Well, I kept listening to the weather reports to be sure the Gorge weather would be passable. Then it started snowing and the report was for more snow here and freezing rain on Sunday. I cancelled my trip and keep telling myself it's all for the good, as I'll save money this way. Humph, sigh. I really miss my friends there. ...And the shopping, oh, the shopping!
Thoughts: I know I'm not a trusting person. This small town mentality of everyone wanting you to trust them (especially my crazy principal and supervisor) makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. I do not know these people, yet they expect me to instantly trust them and follow their lead. Can you see why I'm spooked? I refuse to play their games and they are trying to draw me into their little webs. I've always had to look out for myself, take care of myself....to preserve my 'Real Self'. I'm not sure I really fit into this community. OH had a small town 'trust', but it was different as there are so many military families coming and going. Somehow, I think I could have fit in there better and was beginning to before I moved.
There are pluses and minuses here. I never would have been able to have the joy of Grandparenthood had I not moved here. 'My' little Oliver is quite precious (as you can see from the pictures.) I'm glad to be here for CB2 and E, too, if he needs me.
It is taking me a long time to get 'up and running' here, where in OH it seemed to happen quite quickly. The process is wearing me down. Work is wearing me down. I'm to the point where I dread going to work.....and I used to LOVE my work...not just my job.....it was my soul work.....'was'? I want to retire and play with my grandkids, not work with other people's children. I know that if I didn't work, I obviously wouldn't even have a roof over my head, would miss out on meeting some wonderful families, but wouldn't have to put up with the s*** of public politics or families whose children are not their priority.
I'm really considering another way to use this teacher-talent God has given me. If any of you have any good ideas, let me know. I do not want the responsibility of having my own preschool, I'm not the director type, nor do I have the business head to do it. I can't even keep my one checking account afloat!
I made a huge faux paux at work this week....well, it started a couple months ago when I was supposed to have some paperwork done and kept putting it off. Oh, I could give a lot of really plausible excuses, but basically, I put off the paperwork because it is so hard to do, and when I did actually attempt it (when I had time was after school or on weekends) I'd run into some technical problem and there was no one around who could answer. We have a rigid deadline to turn in our paperwork at the district office and it was fast approaching. I asked the secretary what needed to be turned in, she told me and I faxed in that portion of the paperwork, thinking "Whew, I made it!"
Then, yesterday, on my day off, I stopped by the school at noon to give the principal a note and she said it was a good thing I was there, as my team was doing all my paperwork so the deadline would be met. I was shocked and so embarrassed. I went to talk to them right away. I had all the information laid out, just had not put it into the forms because of those technical problems I kept having. (I'm technically challenged as my children with attest.) But oh, was I shook up! Of course, the principal reiterated to me that if I was having problems I should have come to her so she could get me the help. {Actually I did ask for help with the computer technology, but the techie hasn't made an appointment yet; when I remind her she says she's having some problems, but will get back to me SOON.} More of that 'trust' issue again. I know if I ask the principal for help, she'll mark me down because of it. I had asked some team members for help. I trust a couple of them, anyway. Basically, it was my own procrastination that got me in deep doo-doo. Of course I was so embarrassed and upset I ended up shedding a few tears and then my stomach was so upset I couldn't even eat......and for those of you who know me, you'll realize that I usually EAT when I'm under moderate amounts of stress. But this stress skyrocketed me off the charts of eating to assuage the emotions.
Okay, why is it so hard here? Is it because I have this negative reaction to Walla Walla? Maybe God brought me here to heal these vague, uncomfortable feelings I have about WW. I do know that moving to WW when I was in college, away from what was familiar and into a new 'culture' both geographically and socially, was hard on me. Going through those 'boyfriend' times for the first time in my life was hard (I'm a late bloomer, too.) I had never learned appropriate boundaries with my own feelings and how to sort out what's logical and just phases of growing up.
Enough, already. This is probably more than you ever wanted to know. But it's out there. I won't retract it as perhaps even the writing of it is healing. Okay, okay. I can hear you saying: "Here is an old lady who still is trying to figure life out? Grief!
Well, life is a journey. I do feel healed from a lot of pain in my life, and much of that pain has been replaced with joy and understanding. But there are those dark corners in our lives we all run from, I suspect. I guess I've always been the type of person to tries to analyze situations...perhaps not in the moment, but in retrospect, so I can respond more 'real time'. And when I was a child I can remember imagining every scenario I could with the response I would give, to prepare me for whatever might come my way. Survivalism at it's best/worst, wouldn't you say? Then I went through a phase of doing everything pretty spontaneously ...well, as much as a 'survivalist' can. Now I'm somewhere in the middle, I think, but there are still things that throw me off balance.
Between writing lines of this blog entry, I've had a phone call from a friend, called my daughter to say, " let's take a walk in the snow rather than go to church," and made breakfast, complete with cinnamon toast and homemade latte (not as good as the local drive through, though.) I've listened to the SS lesson from the ABN channel (it is nice to have that on Sabbath). I've petted Lilo....who cried and cried to be let outdoors and then, after sitting on the cold step (oh no, those little paws did not want to touch the snow!) came back in. So I shut the door and she sat at it and cried more. Silly cat. I finally ignored her and she got up into her cat tree to watch outside.
I sit here looking at the little sign in my window with a little red train engine and the words "I think I can" and say to myself, 'Duh, that's what I need to do..chug, chug, chug "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."
Do have a happy Sabbath. Stay warm and dry. Praise God for the blessings we have.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Afterglow
Sigh, Big sigh. My ACE have left. It was SOOO wonderful to have them visiting here. To see their smiling faces, feel their hugs, hear them laugh, share thoughts, sympathize with the pregnancy complaints. I'm so glad I'm the GRandma! I rejoice at my children's adult lives right now. They are doing well, struggling with the things of life and working on dreams they've made for themselves. A mother's prayers...
I was really bummed I forgot to pray With them before they left today, but I did it for them by myself, anyway. I'm too used to doing everything 'alone.' (Don't feel sorry for me, I didn't mean it that way.)
My house still has a faint scent of Thanksgiving cooking, left over pie crumbs and a refrigerator with containers and containers of bits of yummy left overs. My DIL is such a gourmet cook! CB2 better get over here soon, or her favorites will be eaten up! There are dishes and linens that need to be washed. I love it all. Makes the memories fresh and alive. I have CDs of pictures taken and those will be poured over and copied onto 'my pictures', then sent to friends and family elsewhere. Grr. Once again we forgot to take a picture of ALL of us together. Photoshop anyone?
And Lilo? Finally feeling a bit more secure from all the comings and goings of people in the house. She usually lives a quiet, 'alone' kind of life with me. She became quite skittish, stand-offish and even hissed at people who seemed too close to her favorite spaces!
Yesterday, while the kids visited their dad, I got my snow tires put on. It really feels like it could snow, but maybe I'm not attuned to the weather yet. I do know it is COLD! BRRRRRrrrrr.
**
As this holiday draws closed, my mind is drawn to my work at school again.
I am finally moved to the classroom upstairs and we are functional, though details are not finished yet, and furniture is still being shifted around. I moved my desk from home (I didn't have room for it) to the classroom and will buy a lateral file to match it (cherrywood look). My 'teacher's space' area of the classroom is still piled higher and deeper, as I haven't had time to sort through it all. But it will look nice and be very organized when finished...maybe by Christmas?
My injured assistant was out of ICU quickly (she didn't have to have any surgeries for her injuries) and went home the day before Thanksgiving. I've been remiss about contacting her, but will do so today or tomorrow before school starts up again. She still uses a walker, but is stubborn and will most likely recooperate in no time! She still will be off work for a couple months.
Slowly, my substitute assistant is getting the hang of the job, though she has been ill with a cold this last week. My other assistant called in sick on Wednesday. Of course, all the kids were there, but we made it through. NO, there are no subs available (especially the day before Thanksgiving! Are you kidding?)
I worked 8 hours last Sunday (yes, Sunday) putting the upstairs classroom together into working order. I'm thinking of taking those hours as comp-time on Friday and take a little trip to Portland to visit friends ... if the weather is good and all.
At least my car is working good now. I still think the clutch is a little spongey feeling, but I don't think the mechanic here replaced it. I need to ask them about that.
I think maybe it's time for a nap. Busy, happy times. Yawn.
I was really bummed I forgot to pray With them before they left today, but I did it for them by myself, anyway. I'm too used to doing everything 'alone.' (Don't feel sorry for me, I didn't mean it that way.)
My house still has a faint scent of Thanksgiving cooking, left over pie crumbs and a refrigerator with containers and containers of bits of yummy left overs. My DIL is such a gourmet cook! CB2 better get over here soon, or her favorites will be eaten up! There are dishes and linens that need to be washed. I love it all. Makes the memories fresh and alive. I have CDs of pictures taken and those will be poured over and copied onto 'my pictures', then sent to friends and family elsewhere. Grr. Once again we forgot to take a picture of ALL of us together. Photoshop anyone?
And Lilo? Finally feeling a bit more secure from all the comings and goings of people in the house. She usually lives a quiet, 'alone' kind of life with me. She became quite skittish, stand-offish and even hissed at people who seemed too close to her favorite spaces!
Yesterday, while the kids visited their dad, I got my snow tires put on. It really feels like it could snow, but maybe I'm not attuned to the weather yet. I do know it is COLD! BRRRRRrrrrr.
**
As this holiday draws closed, my mind is drawn to my work at school again.
I am finally moved to the classroom upstairs and we are functional, though details are not finished yet, and furniture is still being shifted around. I moved my desk from home (I didn't have room for it) to the classroom and will buy a lateral file to match it (cherrywood look). My 'teacher's space' area of the classroom is still piled higher and deeper, as I haven't had time to sort through it all. But it will look nice and be very organized when finished...maybe by Christmas?
My injured assistant was out of ICU quickly (she didn't have to have any surgeries for her injuries) and went home the day before Thanksgiving. I've been remiss about contacting her, but will do so today or tomorrow before school starts up again. She still uses a walker, but is stubborn and will most likely recooperate in no time! She still will be off work for a couple months.
Slowly, my substitute assistant is getting the hang of the job, though she has been ill with a cold this last week. My other assistant called in sick on Wednesday. Of course, all the kids were there, but we made it through. NO, there are no subs available (especially the day before Thanksgiving! Are you kidding?)
I worked 8 hours last Sunday (yes, Sunday) putting the upstairs classroom together into working order. I'm thinking of taking those hours as comp-time on Friday and take a little trip to Portland to visit friends ... if the weather is good and all.
At least my car is working good now. I still think the clutch is a little spongey feeling, but I don't think the mechanic here replaced it. I need to ask them about that.
I think maybe it's time for a nap. Busy, happy times. Yawn.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
You Knew I couldn't hold out for long...
Okay, I'm back. But this time I just have to, well, complain, mostly.
My work here is so hard that I'm questioning God's leading and my sanity. I question staying here another year, yet am too tired to even think of moving.
Update: My classroom is finally moving upstairs for safety issues. Good thing, no? However, principal tells me today they are emptying the upstairs room of all the stored junk and should be able to move the 'main stuff' from my classroom upstairs tonight so I could have class up there tomorrow. She's just blowing out her a... There's no way. My kids need transition time, I, YES, I-I-I need transition time! The room isn't going to have the yearly once over cleaning? I know for a fact that the bathrooms don't have the diaper changing areas set up/installed, nor does the classroom. Unless those custodians are staying at work all night, this move tonight will not happen. The principal is just nuts, nuts, nuts. I can't stand her, but am trying to 'play the game'. I want to puke every time I'm faced with another 'turn to play.'
Then, the next to final straw (I don't even want to think what the final straw might be). When I arrive this morning 1/2 hour before school starts, the secretary tells me that my 'right arm' assistant has been in a serious car accident and is in ICU. I can't believe it. NO ONE TOLD ME?!?!?!?! At noon, I finally track down one teacher who said she left a message on my phone...left me a *%&$ message! {Oh, and did I tell you that a hefty wind storm knocked out my phone and internet over the weekend?} Why would they be content to leave only one message in this life/death situation? They can't make a 'long distance' call to my cell phone? What are they thinking/drinking?
I'm not just my assistant's 'supervisor'. We have worked hard together and formed a friendship bond. I was/am so hurt and angry by the obvious deletion of my 'needing to know'!!!!!!!!! I've been so angry today I've barked at the staff and the students! I've had to apologize all over myself. By noon, I was exhausted just from trying to control my emotions and think rationally about how to keep my classes running smoothly. First of all, I had to round up enough adults to push strollers and wheelchairs downstairs to the classroom on arrival. Being down one assistant makes it me and the other assistant for 4 nonambulatory kids. Thankfully the OTA could help, her supervisor was available and one nonambulatory child was absent. {Oh, yeah, this morning there was a "Do not use" sign on the elevator, but before I could get to the elevator, the class had entered to go down to the basement classroom...thankfully the elevator DID work that time. That just goes to show the kind of judgment my 2nd assistant has...."It seemed to work, I didn't think it was really broken".} Other staff kept running in and out of the classroom saying, "Are you all right?" Do you need any help" or bringing by useless volunteers who shuddered at the diapering, wheelchairs, etc. My main assistant was in her usual 'Monday" daze (even though it's Tuesday).
Okay, that's on top of my having to walk to work because I've been without a car since last Thursday. It's been in the shop as they keep adding on yet more things that seem to need repair. My son says I'm getting 'taken to the cleaners'. Maybe so. I know my car was in need of a lot of repairs, as my trusted mechanics in Portland had told me so 6 months ago with the same stuff. So then, after school, I needed to find a ride to get my car or walk the 3 miles to the shop. It's not the same beautiful 3 mile walk I enjoyed in OH. It's bitter cold wind and along a busy major thoroughfare (if you can call these roads thoroughfares).
The Walla Walla Way. I despise it.
The only two beautiful, precious things here are my CEO and the sunsets.
All in all, at the school, I know 3 staff who are trustworthy....and none of them are the administrators. I actually had one of my administrators tell me that, when I questioned her, "none of us does know what we're doing this year as we've changed duties and its not all ironed out yet." I wanted to spit.
I'm not saying my life is totally the pits. I know it could get worse. And I pray it doesn't. But today was one of those days when all you want to do is yell and scream with your hands high in the air...away from what bugs you. Then hide in a fetal position under a warm quilt at home with the door locked, the phones unplugged/turned off.
I'm going to do that now and hope I can relieve my headache and get to school early enough in the moring to do the prep my assistant did. Training 'green' assistants is as hard as teaching the kids. Where's that quilt?
My work here is so hard that I'm questioning God's leading and my sanity. I question staying here another year, yet am too tired to even think of moving.
Update: My classroom is finally moving upstairs for safety issues. Good thing, no? However, principal tells me today they are emptying the upstairs room of all the stored junk and should be able to move the 'main stuff' from my classroom upstairs tonight so I could have class up there tomorrow. She's just blowing out her a... There's no way. My kids need transition time, I, YES, I-I-I need transition time! The room isn't going to have the yearly once over cleaning? I know for a fact that the bathrooms don't have the diaper changing areas set up/installed, nor does the classroom. Unless those custodians are staying at work all night, this move tonight will not happen. The principal is just nuts, nuts, nuts. I can't stand her, but am trying to 'play the game'. I want to puke every time I'm faced with another 'turn to play.'
Then, the next to final straw (I don't even want to think what the final straw might be). When I arrive this morning 1/2 hour before school starts, the secretary tells me that my 'right arm' assistant has been in a serious car accident and is in ICU. I can't believe it. NO ONE TOLD ME?!?!?!?! At noon, I finally track down one teacher who said she left a message on my phone...left me a *%&$ message! {Oh, and did I tell you that a hefty wind storm knocked out my phone and internet over the weekend?} Why would they be content to leave only one message in this life/death situation? They can't make a 'long distance' call to my cell phone? What are they thinking/drinking?
I'm not just my assistant's 'supervisor'. We have worked hard together and formed a friendship bond. I was/am so hurt and angry by the obvious deletion of my 'needing to know'!!!!!!!!! I've been so angry today I've barked at the staff and the students! I've had to apologize all over myself. By noon, I was exhausted just from trying to control my emotions and think rationally about how to keep my classes running smoothly. First of all, I had to round up enough adults to push strollers and wheelchairs downstairs to the classroom on arrival. Being down one assistant makes it me and the other assistant for 4 nonambulatory kids. Thankfully the OTA could help, her supervisor was available and one nonambulatory child was absent. {Oh, yeah, this morning there was a "Do not use" sign on the elevator, but before I could get to the elevator, the class had entered to go down to the basement classroom...thankfully the elevator DID work that time. That just goes to show the kind of judgment my 2nd assistant has...."It seemed to work, I didn't think it was really broken".} Other staff kept running in and out of the classroom saying, "Are you all right?" Do you need any help" or bringing by useless volunteers who shuddered at the diapering, wheelchairs, etc. My main assistant was in her usual 'Monday" daze (even though it's Tuesday).
Okay, that's on top of my having to walk to work because I've been without a car since last Thursday. It's been in the shop as they keep adding on yet more things that seem to need repair. My son says I'm getting 'taken to the cleaners'. Maybe so. I know my car was in need of a lot of repairs, as my trusted mechanics in Portland had told me so 6 months ago with the same stuff. So then, after school, I needed to find a ride to get my car or walk the 3 miles to the shop. It's not the same beautiful 3 mile walk I enjoyed in OH. It's bitter cold wind and along a busy major thoroughfare (if you can call these roads thoroughfares).
The Walla Walla Way. I despise it.
The only two beautiful, precious things here are my CEO and the sunsets.
All in all, at the school, I know 3 staff who are trustworthy....and none of them are the administrators. I actually had one of my administrators tell me that, when I questioned her, "none of us does know what we're doing this year as we've changed duties and its not all ironed out yet." I wanted to spit.
I'm not saying my life is totally the pits. I know it could get worse. And I pray it doesn't. But today was one of those days when all you want to do is yell and scream with your hands high in the air...away from what bugs you. Then hide in a fetal position under a warm quilt at home with the door locked, the phones unplugged/turned off.
I'm going to do that now and hope I can relieve my headache and get to school early enough in the moring to do the prep my assistant did. Training 'green' assistants is as hard as teaching the kids. Where's that quilt?
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Hiatus
Yes, this blog is going on hiatus. Bringing momsboydnest close to 1/2 the family's nesting grounds has left little to say. I can email the distant boydsnest as easy as, or more so, with news. Should there be anyone else out there that's interested in continuing news, leave a comment.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Da-a-ang!
Sorry, there's only one word to describe this: bee (wasp?) sting!
I was plowing through a few more boxes under the carport and got stung by a bee (or wasp) between my index and middle finger of my left hand! E-y-o-w-i-e-!!!!!!!!!!!! And that was only one sting (I think!) Of course, any of my first aid training went right out the window as I was momentarily blinded by the pain! I shook off the bee and ran into the house, dousing my fingers in a goop of baking soda and water paste. Out of instinct more than training, I think, I held it up high. Thankfully, I had grabbed the dish of baking soda out of the refrigerator (as it was the closest I could think of at the moment) and the cold also helped. I left that 'mud pack' on my hand for 5-10 minutes and the pain subsided somewhat so I could think more clearly beyond the immediate "Get rid of the pain!" mode.
I decided I should look for a stinger as wasps sting again and again, especially if the sac is still there. So I held my hand under cold water until the baking soda was gone, then found the wound site. It was bleeding a little, but I didn't see any stinger or sac, so I squeezed it a little to make it bleed more, hoping to squeeze out some of the poison. On retrospect, I don't know if this was wise or not, as I have heard that this action can squeeze venom Into the body. What do you think AB2? Oh well. I washed the wound site really well, as I didn't want it to get infected and debated whether to put benedryl cream or antiseptic cream on it. I went with the antiseptic as it had a pain reliever in it. I wrapped my first two fingers together in a bandage as it actually felt better that way and the I didn't want to rub off the antiseptic cream. Then I put my hand in an ice mitt from my freezer. The swelling was minimal, but red around the area between my first two fingers and down into the knuckle joints of my hand.
Today it feels tingly and stiff, and is still a little puffy, but there is no redness or infection. My fingers are sore and feel like they've been bruised. Weird how one little owie can hurt so much!
I can't imagine how my young daughter must have felt when she got multiple stings from jumping on a hornet's nest accidentally when she was playing ball with some friends in the country! These vicious varmits hurt much more than honey bee stings!
Isn't life exciting?
I was plowing through a few more boxes under the carport and got stung by a bee (or wasp) between my index and middle finger of my left hand! E-y-o-w-i-e-!!!!!!!!!!!! And that was only one sting (I think!) Of course, any of my first aid training went right out the window as I was momentarily blinded by the pain! I shook off the bee and ran into the house, dousing my fingers in a goop of baking soda and water paste. Out of instinct more than training, I think, I held it up high. Thankfully, I had grabbed the dish of baking soda out of the refrigerator (as it was the closest I could think of at the moment) and the cold also helped. I left that 'mud pack' on my hand for 5-10 minutes and the pain subsided somewhat so I could think more clearly beyond the immediate "Get rid of the pain!" mode.
I decided I should look for a stinger as wasps sting again and again, especially if the sac is still there. So I held my hand under cold water until the baking soda was gone, then found the wound site. It was bleeding a little, but I didn't see any stinger or sac, so I squeezed it a little to make it bleed more, hoping to squeeze out some of the poison. On retrospect, I don't know if this was wise or not, as I have heard that this action can squeeze venom Into the body. What do you think AB2? Oh well. I washed the wound site really well, as I didn't want it to get infected and debated whether to put benedryl cream or antiseptic cream on it. I went with the antiseptic as it had a pain reliever in it. I wrapped my first two fingers together in a bandage as it actually felt better that way and the I didn't want to rub off the antiseptic cream. Then I put my hand in an ice mitt from my freezer. The swelling was minimal, but red around the area between my first two fingers and down into the knuckle joints of my hand.
Today it feels tingly and stiff, and is still a little puffy, but there is no redness or infection. My fingers are sore and feel like they've been bruised. Weird how one little owie can hurt so much!
I can't imagine how my young daughter must have felt when she got multiple stings from jumping on a hornet's nest accidentally when she was playing ball with some friends in the country! These vicious varmits hurt much more than honey bee stings!
Isn't life exciting?
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Saturday
A week gone by already?
Monday and Tuesday were a blur, fairly typical.
Wednesday: New teachers' dinner at 3 Rivers Winery. Catered by La Casita....bluch. Podunk door prizes. I did get to visit with a woman I'd met the first of the year and catch up on her life. She's living in a studio apartment in slumsville until her house is built. Her husband is working in their previous home town till they can move here to their new house. See, life could be worse?!
Thursday my main assistant (and 'right hand') was gone and they couldn't find a sub for her. In the afternoon my assistant was new, only her second day. Considering my morning class has four nonambulatory kids in it, I needed parents to help push their kids to the classroom from the bus stop/pick up point. I generally have 2 assistants in the morning, so I did have one who was familiar with the kids. But she's seemed out of it lately and I had to tell her to monitor kids throughout the morning. Once in the classroom, we managed okay, but the schedule was modified and children were allowed to do less, if it kept them out of trouble and happy. More of a baby-sitting situation. Sad, but true. And to top it off, my second formal observation from the principal was that afternoon. I hadn't had the chance to turn in the preobservation paperwork required and felt 'discombobulated'!
One of my students was on her 4th day in class and had a continuous high-pitched whine....I mean 2 1/2 hours of the 3 she was in class! If we sang songs to her it stopped and sometimes it moderated when she wass given a pacifier....but we are trying to limit the pacifier use at school (yes, she just turned 3). She has no words, has a very difficult time going up and down stairs, very little eye contact, doesn't realize her hands are functional....just things out there in front of her that wiggle around and she enjoys watching her fingers move!
After school, there was a 'new teachers' meeting at the district office, with dinner (much better than the one the night before). Caught up with CEO at YMCA. Wish I'd joined it instead of the other club! Oh, well, I haven't been to it yet and it is cheaper.
Friday I had a less hectic day, hallelujah! I had an 8 a.m. meeting, a 9 a.m. assessment for yet another possible new student and then time to do a little paperwork. The classroom is a mess, and I didn't get the paperwork all finished that I'd wanted to do, but the SLP and I discussed a couple of kids and got some ideas going to get some aug-com set up for them.
First frosts of the season came the end of the week. Had to turn the heat on! I love the crispy cold, bright sunny days. Mmmmm. Didn't remember how much I'd missed them till they were here!
House is a complete disaster and landlord is visiting this week......oh well. Such is life.
C&E are definitely sleep deprived. Good thing other gramma is coming to visit to brighten their days. I never get over there until later in evening when everyone is too tired to visit and O is a bit cranky and doesn't know what he wants, though gramma has been able to quiet him. C says, "Yeh, if I hold him constantly he's quiet." Then she took the opportunity to watch NCIS. He's such a precious little thing! Poor mom! Things will even out eventually....................can you say 2028 when O turns 20 years old? >grin<
Monday and Tuesday were a blur, fairly typical.
Wednesday: New teachers' dinner at 3 Rivers Winery. Catered by La Casita....bluch. Podunk door prizes. I did get to visit with a woman I'd met the first of the year and catch up on her life. She's living in a studio apartment in slumsville until her house is built. Her husband is working in their previous home town till they can move here to their new house. See, life could be worse?!
Thursday my main assistant (and 'right hand') was gone and they couldn't find a sub for her. In the afternoon my assistant was new, only her second day. Considering my morning class has four nonambulatory kids in it, I needed parents to help push their kids to the classroom from the bus stop/pick up point. I generally have 2 assistants in the morning, so I did have one who was familiar with the kids. But she's seemed out of it lately and I had to tell her to monitor kids throughout the morning. Once in the classroom, we managed okay, but the schedule was modified and children were allowed to do less, if it kept them out of trouble and happy. More of a baby-sitting situation. Sad, but true. And to top it off, my second formal observation from the principal was that afternoon. I hadn't had the chance to turn in the preobservation paperwork required and felt 'discombobulated'!
One of my students was on her 4th day in class and had a continuous high-pitched whine....I mean 2 1/2 hours of the 3 she was in class! If we sang songs to her it stopped and sometimes it moderated when she wass given a pacifier....but we are trying to limit the pacifier use at school (yes, she just turned 3). She has no words, has a very difficult time going up and down stairs, very little eye contact, doesn't realize her hands are functional....just things out there in front of her that wiggle around and she enjoys watching her fingers move!
After school, there was a 'new teachers' meeting at the district office, with dinner (much better than the one the night before). Caught up with CEO at YMCA. Wish I'd joined it instead of the other club! Oh, well, I haven't been to it yet and it is cheaper.
Friday I had a less hectic day, hallelujah! I had an 8 a.m. meeting, a 9 a.m. assessment for yet another possible new student and then time to do a little paperwork. The classroom is a mess, and I didn't get the paperwork all finished that I'd wanted to do, but the SLP and I discussed a couple of kids and got some ideas going to get some aug-com set up for them.
First frosts of the season came the end of the week. Had to turn the heat on! I love the crispy cold, bright sunny days. Mmmmm. Didn't remember how much I'd missed them till they were here!
House is a complete disaster and landlord is visiting this week......oh well. Such is life.
C&E are definitely sleep deprived. Good thing other gramma is coming to visit to brighten their days. I never get over there until later in evening when everyone is too tired to visit and O is a bit cranky and doesn't know what he wants, though gramma has been able to quiet him. C says, "Yeh, if I hold him constantly he's quiet." Then she took the opportunity to watch NCIS. He's such a precious little thing! Poor mom! Things will even out eventually....................can you say 2028 when O turns 20 years old? >grin<
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Chu-Chi Face
I got in some major baby cuddling this weekend and this song popped into my mind. It was a favorite of A & C when they were small.
You're my little chu-chi face
My coo-chi, coo-chi, woo-chi little chu-chi face
Every time I look at you, I sigh...
And you're my little teddy bear
My lovey lovey dovey little teddy bear
You're the apple strudel of my eye!
Your chu-chi woo-chi nose
Your chu-chi woo-chi eyes
They set my heart a flutter
Your ooo-chi coo-chi ways
Your ooo-chi coo-chi gaze
Wilts me down like melting butter
You're my little chu-chi face!
Oliver "smiled" with a big open wide smile (using both sides of his mouth) THREE times while I held him tonight! He's squiggling more and more, too. And when I changed his diaper, his little umbilical stump had dropped off and fell out of his onesie. Wow! I'm glad I was there for those momentous occasions!
Note to A&C: You are definitely going to have to have auto-cameras set up all over your house to capture every little step forward of Baby, so this Grandma can stay in the loop!
You're my little chu-chi face
My coo-chi, coo-chi, woo-chi little chu-chi face
Every time I look at you, I sigh...
And you're my little teddy bear
My lovey lovey dovey little teddy bear
You're the apple strudel of my eye!
Your chu-chi woo-chi nose
Your chu-chi woo-chi eyes
They set my heart a flutter
Your ooo-chi coo-chi ways
Your ooo-chi coo-chi gaze
Wilts me down like melting butter
You're my little chu-chi face!
Oliver "smiled" with a big open wide smile (using both sides of his mouth) THREE times while I held him tonight! He's squiggling more and more, too. And when I changed his diaper, his little umbilical stump had dropped off and fell out of his onesie. Wow! I'm glad I was there for those momentous occasions!
Note to A&C: You are definitely going to have to have auto-cameras set up all over your house to capture every little step forward of Baby, so this Grandma can stay in the loop!
GrammaLand
A friend (O's other Grandma) emailed me how she is looking forward to visiting "grammaland" and I've decided that WW shall henceforth be renamed "GrammaLand." The new name fits the space and time for me much better and makes everything seem more real.
Here's the weekly rundown:
Monday: went to work, parent vented frustrations on me from incident of previous week. I decided to take the rest of the day off and go see new grandbaby-boy born the day before and let my emotions cool. Got car's oil changed; they gave me a free mocha! Bought a new pair of jeans. It was a much needed mental health day and glorious fall weather. I came home and realized the storm door on the front of my place was gone. Weird. No messages from Windemere that they were removing it. Should I call them? Should I call police? I wait to see if I hear from them.
Tuesday: back in the saddle again. Loaded up with extra vitamins.
Wednesday: still in the saddle, hanging on tight; headache and heavy-feeling chest. More vitamins, cold assistance. Ed. Assistant goes home sick with stomach flu. I don't go see baby, but fall into bed at 7:30 p.m. I email Windemere to make sure it was them that removed the door and not some thief.
Thursday: Call in sick to work. Exhausted and feeling like I'm getting bronchitis. Feeling guilty as 2nd assistant still ill. First assistant left holding the bag. Went to dr. He gave me steriod inhaler for asthma and also emergency inhaler. I've had them before. Asthma crops up after round of bronchitis as I've gotten older. Pfffffft. Wrote school reports from home. Ordered flowers for C&E&O.
Ah, HA!!!! Now I know why they named him Oliver: So their family initials could be CEO! Tricky! Very wordsmithy.
Friday: Back to work for IEP meetings, post-observation meeting with principal. Heart palpitations. Side-affect of meds. I hate it. Makes me feel anxious that my heart may give out. Palpitations stop. I found out only 3 children came in morning and they cancelled the afternoon class as only two children were going to come and there was no sub. My 1st assistant went to sub for other sped teacher, as her assistant was out ill. Windemere emails me back that, yes, one of their workmen did remove the door and the new one will be installed when it arrives. (tomorrow? next year?)
Post-observation meeting goes well. Principal decides not to make formal report at district about my not following school procedure on CPS case. Writes it into my observation evaluation report instead. Fewer repercussions. I wonder if the sp. ed director talked to her; I let the sp. ed director know about it at the time. Principal tells me SHE is in charge and that if I have any questions at all, I should not ask my mentor (supervisor) or the sp. ed, director, but talk directly to her. She tells me she even has clout over the sp. ed. director. She, the principal, tells me SHE is the one who can make things happen. (Can you say insecure micromanager?)
My mentor supervisor tells me to field all my questions through HER, unless it is 'building related'. Seems everything becomes 'building related'. Mentor is expert at dancing around issues and minimizing and avoiding. My response to her is to avoid her as much as possible, which is hard to do, as I have to deal with her a little. When I do ask her a question she backpedals as much as possible and then starts dancing.
The sp. ed director? Her mother just passed away and she has been basically out of touch for the last 3-4 weeks. She just got back this last week. I like her the most; seems honest, forthright. Gives me good information. But I worry about her being able to be back in the game full throttle with all the grieving she's going through and will continue to go through this year. I know it takes a long time to get over one's mother dying.
Saturday: slept most of the day and did not 'church'. Tried to watch it on TV. Do you know how ridiculously 'hyper' these preachers look on TV? Not 'real' at all. And my brain? Not into cognitive thinking. Finally went over the CEO's and held the precious little bundle for a couple of hours while C and I looked at long ago movies of when she was a kid. She had that little girl voice. Talk about taking me back! Made me giggle! Then O decided it was time to nurse again (going well, by the way) and I decided to head home.
Sunday: Well, here I am, doing laundry, blah, blah, blah.
Weather report: The week has been full of wind, rain and clouds with a little sun tucked in. Fall is here and winter is coming. I made an appointment for the electrician to come next week to disconnect one of the baseboard heaters from the thermostat, as I don't think I'll need two to keep this little place warm this winter. I have a kitchen buffet against that particular heater.
O's other Grandma is coming the 27th...she's my landlord, you know. I can hardly wait. What fun she'll have with O! I'll try not to get in the way, as her time here is short! We do have a few things to finalize on with the house.
Time to pay the bills. Time to pay the bills. Time to pay the bills.
Here's the weekly rundown:
Monday: went to work, parent vented frustrations on me from incident of previous week. I decided to take the rest of the day off and go see new grandbaby-boy born the day before and let my emotions cool. Got car's oil changed; they gave me a free mocha! Bought a new pair of jeans. It was a much needed mental health day and glorious fall weather. I came home and realized the storm door on the front of my place was gone. Weird. No messages from Windemere that they were removing it. Should I call them? Should I call police? I wait to see if I hear from them.
Tuesday: back in the saddle again. Loaded up with extra vitamins.
Wednesday: still in the saddle, hanging on tight; headache and heavy-feeling chest. More vitamins, cold assistance. Ed. Assistant goes home sick with stomach flu. I don't go see baby, but fall into bed at 7:30 p.m. I email Windemere to make sure it was them that removed the door and not some thief.
Thursday: Call in sick to work. Exhausted and feeling like I'm getting bronchitis. Feeling guilty as 2nd assistant still ill. First assistant left holding the bag. Went to dr. He gave me steriod inhaler for asthma and also emergency inhaler. I've had them before. Asthma crops up after round of bronchitis as I've gotten older. Pfffffft. Wrote school reports from home. Ordered flowers for C&E&O.
Ah, HA!!!! Now I know why they named him Oliver: So their family initials could be CEO! Tricky! Very wordsmithy.
Friday: Back to work for IEP meetings, post-observation meeting with principal. Heart palpitations. Side-affect of meds. I hate it. Makes me feel anxious that my heart may give out. Palpitations stop. I found out only 3 children came in morning and they cancelled the afternoon class as only two children were going to come and there was no sub. My 1st assistant went to sub for other sped teacher, as her assistant was out ill. Windemere emails me back that, yes, one of their workmen did remove the door and the new one will be installed when it arrives. (tomorrow? next year?)
Post-observation meeting goes well. Principal decides not to make formal report at district about my not following school procedure on CPS case. Writes it into my observation evaluation report instead. Fewer repercussions. I wonder if the sp. ed director talked to her; I let the sp. ed director know about it at the time. Principal tells me SHE is in charge and that if I have any questions at all, I should not ask my mentor (supervisor) or the sp. ed, director, but talk directly to her. She tells me she even has clout over the sp. ed. director. She, the principal, tells me SHE is the one who can make things happen. (Can you say insecure micromanager?)
My mentor supervisor tells me to field all my questions through HER, unless it is 'building related'. Seems everything becomes 'building related'. Mentor is expert at dancing around issues and minimizing and avoiding. My response to her is to avoid her as much as possible, which is hard to do, as I have to deal with her a little. When I do ask her a question she backpedals as much as possible and then starts dancing.
The sp. ed director? Her mother just passed away and she has been basically out of touch for the last 3-4 weeks. She just got back this last week. I like her the most; seems honest, forthright. Gives me good information. But I worry about her being able to be back in the game full throttle with all the grieving she's going through and will continue to go through this year. I know it takes a long time to get over one's mother dying.
Saturday: slept most of the day and did not 'church'. Tried to watch it on TV. Do you know how ridiculously 'hyper' these preachers look on TV? Not 'real' at all. And my brain? Not into cognitive thinking. Finally went over the CEO's and held the precious little bundle for a couple of hours while C and I looked at long ago movies of when she was a kid. She had that little girl voice. Talk about taking me back! Made me giggle! Then O decided it was time to nurse again (going well, by the way) and I decided to head home.
Sunday: Well, here I am, doing laundry, blah, blah, blah.
Weather report: The week has been full of wind, rain and clouds with a little sun tucked in. Fall is here and winter is coming. I made an appointment for the electrician to come next week to disconnect one of the baseboard heaters from the thermostat, as I don't think I'll need two to keep this little place warm this winter. I have a kitchen buffet against that particular heater.
O's other Grandma is coming the 27th...she's my landlord, you know. I can hardly wait. What fun she'll have with O! I'll try not to get in the way, as her time here is short! We do have a few things to finalize on with the house.
Time to pay the bills. Time to pay the bills. Time to pay the bills.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
I've Fallen in Love...
with one tiny boy, Oliver Dean. There are no words to describe the overwhelming feelings that encompass me when I hold that tiny treasure of new life.
I don't know if I'll be able to wait for spring break to fall in love all over again in Memphis!
I don't know if I'll be able to wait for spring break to fall in love all over again in Memphis!
'Boyd'nest Grows
We have a baby!! I'm REALLY a Grandma!
All Boy! 8lbs 8oz. 21 inches long. Born 8:47 a.m., October 14, 2007 Name: (Still being decided.) Hair: Dark, dark brown
He had a little problem breathing right away, so he was under an oxygen mask for about 2 hours, had chest xrays, and blood work. Then he really pinked up, started to cry lustily, made those cute baby noises and took a pacifier. After he had breathed regular room air in the nursery for a designated period, he was allowed to join mommy and daddy in mommy's room. Finally mommy got to hold, cuddle and try to get him to nurse. Poor little boy; he was too tired! Daddy held him for awhile as did Grandma. Grandma left all three resting from their all night ordeal!
All Boy! 8lbs 8oz. 21 inches long. Born 8:47 a.m., October 14, 2007 Name: (Still being decided.) Hair: Dark, dark brown
He had a little problem breathing right away, so he was under an oxygen mask for about 2 hours, had chest xrays, and blood work. Then he really pinked up, started to cry lustily, made those cute baby noises and took a pacifier. After he had breathed regular room air in the nursery for a designated period, he was allowed to join mommy and daddy in mommy's room. Finally mommy got to hold, cuddle and try to get him to nurse. Poor little boy; he was too tired! Daddy held him for awhile as did Grandma. Grandma left all three resting from their all night ordeal!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
My Week in Pictures (and narrative)
I can't remember Monday. It must have gone okay. I worked until 6 pm. Seems to becoming a usual leave time. That makes my days about 10 hours long. Good thing it only takes me 5 minutes to get home. I'm exhausted. No baby yet.
Tuesday, one of my students returned to school from being ill and slept 2 1/2 of the 3 hours he was present. A call to Mom (had to leave a message) did not deter her from sending him to school on Wednesday, where he again slept 2 1/2 hours of the 3 he was present in school. We sent a note home to mom this time, suggesting he's not yet well enough to attend This litte one is over active, so having him sleep through class and all the loud noise was concerning.
My supervisor/mentor and I had a weird conversation. I can't get straight answers from anyone. I guess its the Walla Walla Way.
Wednesday, I was observed by the school principal. I don't know what she thought. She left her "thank you" card saying how much she enjoyed her 'visit' and thanked me for 'inviting her'.....duh, like I had a Choice to Invite her? It went okay. Results will be 'post observation meeting." I went to new dentist for current xrays and check. I actually left the school right after classes.
Thursday: One half hour after school starts, my assistant calls me over to observe one child......possible child abuse. I call the school nurse who comes down to examine her. She calls mom in for conference, tells me not to release child until problem is resolved. Mom arrives within 15 minutes of call; explains away marks. School nurse, finally is able to reach principal who had been out of the school for most of the day. Nurse writes report and calls CPS. I think everything is resolved. "Sleeping" child is absent.
I got such a cute picture of yes, a BLUE Elephant Halloween costume from C&A!! (Can someone tell me how to get the picture off my cell and onto the computer so I can add it here?)
I call C and bring a burger to her house from a place I've nearly forgotten about, but was THE place to get fast food (and only place) in college days....now they have gardenburgers. YEA!!
Friday: It's a 'professional day'. We either go to a conference or work on curriculum at school. I work on curriculum, but I think, what a pleasant day with no meetings or students. I'll make a list of things to get done. Pshaw! Forget the list! All hell breaks loose. Principal calls me up to her office. Evidently neither the nurse or I followed correct protocol for incident on Thursday. I should have known what to do...it was all written in school procedures manual. Uh, I didn't get one because they ran out and never got around to getting me one. She gives me a manual, explains correct procedure. Tells me she'll have to write a report to put in my teaching file that I didn't follow procedure. I'm bummed, but I say, okay. She tells me I need to call CPS and wants a report from me. I ask if there is a form I should fill out. She says, no, that is on her 'to do' list and hands me some form that 'will do'. I go to classroom, call CPS and fill out report, make a copy for myself and take the original up to her. It is now 11:30 and I haven't done anything on my list. I'd planned to leave at 2 pm because I had some personal things to get done, too.
Just as I get settled in again, in walks my supervisor/mentor. She has some things for me and says, "I feel uncomfortable about the conversation we had the other day; are there some issues we need to discuss? I wanted to SCREAM and run away!!!!!!
I've been trying to figure out why I have this wary dislike for my supervisor/mentor. I'd finally decided it is because she is so patronizingly sweet and is not direct at all. So personally, quite quickly, to give her some sort of objective answer, I also realized that no one knows what the other one is doing and I can't get a decisive answer out of anyone. So we discussed that, I broke down in tears telling her about the Thursday/Friday debaucle. Finally, Finally, she gave me some anwers and history of what has been happening in past years. So they've changed administrative duties this year and really, NO ONE REALLY DOES KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just as our conversation was at a lull, the principal calls again.. She's invited the police to review the Thurs. incident and wants me to come up to her office and meet with the policeman. I tell you, by this time, I can understand why people who are accused of crimes they didn't commit, might confess, just to be done with it. So I told my supervisor and asked her to come with me. Does this principal have it out for me? Is she a psycho? That is yet to be seen, but if I've been brought here to be the sacrificial scapegoat, I want out now. While I still have some sanity.
That over, I am starving, but beyond wanting to eat. It's 1:30 and the other sped teacher is still waiting to meet with me (we were going to work on stuff together all morning!). By that time, she's fried, I'm fried. But we get to talking and worked on one more project. Finished it at 3 and I left. I was lower than I'd been in a long time.
I had planned on doing some errands and going to C's place to help her. I started doing errands and got one done. Drove down Main and decided to look for the Subway...right next to the shoe store C said is good. So I found a pair of badly needed shoes for work. I haven't bought new shoes for 3 or 4 years......can't even remember.
Then I ate at Subway and called C to say, I'm spent and going home. Looked around a nice consignment store at some baby things, but nothing interested me. Went to Curves to cancel my membership (yes, the one here is a real dud) and they were closed. Should have known they'd close early on Friday. Pfffffffft. I headed home via the grocery store, bought a pie and whipped cream for E. H A P P Y 30TH B I R T H D A Y, E!!!!!!!!!!
Crashed at home.
Thank you, Lord, for Sabbath and the weekend! No baby yet.
Tuesday, one of my students returned to school from being ill and slept 2 1/2 of the 3 hours he was present. A call to Mom (had to leave a message) did not deter her from sending him to school on Wednesday, where he again slept 2 1/2 hours of the 3 he was present in school. We sent a note home to mom this time, suggesting he's not yet well enough to attend This litte one is over active, so having him sleep through class and all the loud noise was concerning.
My supervisor/mentor and I had a weird conversation. I can't get straight answers from anyone. I guess its the Walla Walla Way.
Wednesday, I was observed by the school principal. I don't know what she thought. She left her "thank you" card saying how much she enjoyed her 'visit' and thanked me for 'inviting her'.....duh, like I had a Choice to Invite her? It went okay. Results will be 'post observation meeting." I went to new dentist for current xrays and check. I actually left the school right after classes.
Thursday: One half hour after school starts, my assistant calls me over to observe one child......possible child abuse. I call the school nurse who comes down to examine her. She calls mom in for conference, tells me not to release child until problem is resolved. Mom arrives within 15 minutes of call; explains away marks. School nurse, finally is able to reach principal who had been out of the school for most of the day. Nurse writes report and calls CPS. I think everything is resolved. "Sleeping" child is absent.
I got such a cute picture of yes, a BLUE Elephant Halloween costume from C&A!! (Can someone tell me how to get the picture off my cell and onto the computer so I can add it here?)
I call C and bring a burger to her house from a place I've nearly forgotten about, but was THE place to get fast food (and only place) in college days....now they have gardenburgers. YEA!!
Friday: It's a 'professional day'. We either go to a conference or work on curriculum at school. I work on curriculum, but I think, what a pleasant day with no meetings or students. I'll make a list of things to get done. Pshaw! Forget the list! All hell breaks loose. Principal calls me up to her office. Evidently neither the nurse or I followed correct protocol for incident on Thursday. I should have known what to do...it was all written in school procedures manual. Uh, I didn't get one because they ran out and never got around to getting me one. She gives me a manual, explains correct procedure. Tells me she'll have to write a report to put in my teaching file that I didn't follow procedure. I'm bummed, but I say, okay. She tells me I need to call CPS and wants a report from me. I ask if there is a form I should fill out. She says, no, that is on her 'to do' list and hands me some form that 'will do'. I go to classroom, call CPS and fill out report, make a copy for myself and take the original up to her. It is now 11:30 and I haven't done anything on my list. I'd planned to leave at 2 pm because I had some personal things to get done, too.
Just as I get settled in again, in walks my supervisor/mentor. She has some things for me and says, "I feel uncomfortable about the conversation we had the other day; are there some issues we need to discuss? I wanted to SCREAM and run away!!!!!!
I've been trying to figure out why I have this wary dislike for my supervisor/mentor. I'd finally decided it is because she is so patronizingly sweet and is not direct at all. So personally, quite quickly, to give her some sort of objective answer, I also realized that no one knows what the other one is doing and I can't get a decisive answer out of anyone. So we discussed that, I broke down in tears telling her about the Thursday/Friday debaucle. Finally, Finally, she gave me some anwers and history of what has been happening in past years. So they've changed administrative duties this year and really, NO ONE REALLY DOES KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just as our conversation was at a lull, the principal calls again.. She's invited the police to review the Thurs. incident and wants me to come up to her office and meet with the policeman. I tell you, by this time, I can understand why people who are accused of crimes they didn't commit, might confess, just to be done with it. So I told my supervisor and asked her to come with me. Does this principal have it out for me? Is she a psycho? That is yet to be seen, but if I've been brought here to be the sacrificial scapegoat, I want out now. While I still have some sanity.
That over, I am starving, but beyond wanting to eat. It's 1:30 and the other sped teacher is still waiting to meet with me (we were going to work on stuff together all morning!). By that time, she's fried, I'm fried. But we get to talking and worked on one more project. Finished it at 3 and I left. I was lower than I'd been in a long time.
I had planned on doing some errands and going to C's place to help her. I started doing errands and got one done. Drove down Main and decided to look for the Subway...right next to the shoe store C said is good. So I found a pair of badly needed shoes for work. I haven't bought new shoes for 3 or 4 years......can't even remember.
Then I ate at Subway and called C to say, I'm spent and going home. Looked around a nice consignment store at some baby things, but nothing interested me. Went to Curves to cancel my membership (yes, the one here is a real dud) and they were closed. Should have known they'd close early on Friday. Pfffffffft. I headed home via the grocery store, bought a pie and whipped cream for E. H A P P Y 30TH B I R T H D A Y, E!!!!!!!!!!
Crashed at home.
Thank you, Lord, for Sabbath and the weekend! No baby yet.
Monday, October 08, 2007
My, Oh, My
First, a grandSon, due any time now!!!!!!
Then, today, I find out....a grandDaughter to be born end of February!
Wow! and Double Wow!
Grandma love doubled!!!!!!!
Then, today, I find out....a grandDaughter to be born end of February!
Wow! and Double Wow!
Grandma love doubled!!!!!!!
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