I'm almost finished packing. I got 3 more boxes and 1 more wardrobe box this morning (for free) and then Everything, and I mean Everything, will be packed up and ready to go. I wanted to be totally ready yesterday so that I could 'play' today and tomorrow, but the more I pack, the more c*** I seem to have to pack. It is seemingly unending. I do know the end is near, however. I'm sad, tired, excited, dreading WW weather, trying to soak up every drop of ocean air and coolness I can.
It is sailboat "Race Week" here. The town is buzzing. NO parade as far as I can tell, however, and the Yacht club had a very exclusive outdoor dance/party last night. If you weren't a member of the club you couldn't even pay to go in. Of course we (T and I on our walk) could watch and hear the goings on through the chainlink fence. Most of the party goers were our age, not young things, as I would have expected.
There are tents and boat trailers and RVs around the grounds where the carnival was. Bicyclers going back and forth from the marina to the camp area. In the middle of the morning the sailboats head out. It is quite a site. I've attempted a few pictures, but probably won't show much. It is closer than the pictures portray. I will download pictures when I get my own computer set up again.
The B's got their house and I was privileged to have a look through when the inspector came this morning. It is marvelous. They are so excited and nervous at the same time and rightly so. Little Mouse loved toddling through each room, opening and shutting any drawer or door that was in sight.....multiple times. The back yard is really set up for bbqs, children playing and gardening. >sigh<. The B's are full of wonderful ideas for stamping the place with their own marks. I am very excited and happy for them. They will be happy and busy fine tuning the place to make it theirs.
The B's and T have been extremely kind to me in helping me pack and feeding me and giving me a place away from the boxes to relax a minute. Of course, Mouse's smiles, /hi's/ and waves fill my heart as well. It is good practice for my own soon-to-be grandchildren!!!!!
I do look forward to that and hope that I can be the grandma God wants me to be and the Mom and MIL that He also wants me to be.
My own stress level is high enough that I don't want any more sugar. Yes, its That High! I don't even want to eat, but know I have to, to keep from getting sick. I'm not sleeping well, and know I won't for awhile. I just need to hang in there and get settled quickly.
These are the times it would be nice to have a man around. Yes, to do some of the heavy work, but also, just to sit with, have him put his caring arms around me and say things like, /Don't worry, it will all work out. We're in this together./ I'd lay my head on his chest and sigh, maybe tear up a bit and wrap my arms around him, too.
>SIGH<
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
Still Moving
Boxes are Piled higher and Deeper. Doesn't that allow me to have an honorary PhD now? I'm glad I was here for summer....two weeks ago. It lasted for the week. It has been rainy and cool and cloudy dark ever since, ranging high 72, mostly in the low 60's, upper 50's. I'm depressed. I want the move over. I want to sleep in a quiet place. I want not to worry about money. I want, I want, I want and I want some more.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Cooler, with Boxes
So, as is with the rest of the country it has been HOT here in OH, though I'm discovering the term is rather relative. I'm at the library checking my inboxes as the cable was turned off at the beginning of the week. My apt is absolutely full of boxes and Lilo is very nervous. I'm having to keep her inside, as she is wandering too far. T and I have enjoyed evening walks. It's nice to have someone to walk with regularly. Last night was the night for feet and ankles in the cold surf. Whew, did it refresh! 10 minutes to go on the internet. Thanks DIL for giving me the idea of the child-proof gates at the door. Keeps Lilo in and the airflow moving. Just letting you know I'm in process of change...big change and everything is coming together slowly.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Yes, Another Parade....
Honoring: The Red, White and Blue!...and POWs, MIAs
Smokey the Bear
Commanding Officer Colin Chinn, Naval Hospital
Clowns
Yesterday was July 4, that truly All-USA holiday, complete with its contradictory highlights of celebration with family, picnics in the park, friends and advertising in the guise of parade entries.
Ah, the parade.
Note the shoes
Doesn't every community honor pirates in their parades?
It included political groups with handshaking candidates, (including the Democrats...where were the Republicans?) church VBS promotions (even Jesus sat with some disciples on the back of a farm wagon...LOL...and no, I didn't take a picture!), and the police department, the fire department and their equipment. Ever present were the car clubs (really, how many Mustangs can one view and still be excited?) followed by the tractors, boy scouts, campfire girls, local high school cookie/seat cushion sellers, clowns with balloons, the junk-cart vendors, and the Shriners crammed into their 'toy' cars.
Several entries proudly displayed uniformed armed services personnel displaying the USA, Canadian, British, states flags, and various specialty flags. The Navy made a good showing. There were the Navy jet flyovers, a rescue helicopter flyover with a guy hanging outside the bird to wave to the parade goers, more candy throwing (even the young children got tired of picking up the Laffy Taffy and broken lollipops (suckers?). The predictable end of the parade arrived with the Yacht Club's pirates/sailing ship.
Okay, have I seen it all? This was the longest parade I've seen in OH, perhaps an hour long. It was like watching a slow moving movie consisting of one advertising sign after another. We kept watching because (1) we wanted to see how long this parade would be (2) we kept waiting for the exciting parade entries (which never happened). Whatever happened to those chicken-wire/colored-napkin covered creations, the high school bands (even in summer) providing snappy marches, the dressed up cowboys/girls on prancing stallions, the formally dressed princesses waving their 'princess waves'?
This time I mostly watched the small children, visited with people next to me about why they came to the parade. Even they said it had really gone downhill over the years. Sad. Is part of this because what I remember as a child was all magical and new? Now I'm experienced (old) and cynical. Sigh.
After the parade we walked (we walked everywhere, town is small) to the city beach park where the carnival was set up, the food vendors and specialty booths were set up. Lots of people. More people at the parade, in the park, for this event than even the last one. I saw a few people I knew. Its like I'm finally getting 'into' the place, and now I'm leaving. Oh well, New Adventures. T and I had gyros, sat and watched the people for awhile, then walked slowly back to my place, stopping along main street to browse in the antique shops that were open (no customers...everyone was at the beach!). We both managed to get a bit of a suntan-burn in our wanderings, but nothing serious. The weather was perfect.....perhaps 72 degrees with that slight ocean breeze bringing in fresh, clean air. Upon arriving at my place, we decided on a big glass of limeade, a bit of a rest off our feet. Then we both decided we needed to nap before staying up late for fireworks....remember 'old'?
So T left and I napped about an hour. Then I picked up a cherry pie and ice cream, some potatoes to bake over the grill and headed to the B's where we had a little bbq and played Wii bowling. I WON! I was amazed! I like Wii bowling even if I don't win! I can actually do it without ripping off my thumbnail or falling on my wrist. (See previous blog entries.)
Then T and I went back to the park to watch the fireworks. They started at 10:30 and lasted about 1/2 hour. The spectacular part was that we were sitting almost under them and it was a little disconcerting that the ashes might fall on us, but didn't. Then we drove home. I didn't get to sleep till after midnight since the neighborhood was still celebrating. This state definitely has few restrictions to fireworks! Lilo survived, displaying only a little skittishness.
Smokey the Bear
Commanding Officer Colin Chinn, Naval Hospital
Clowns
Yesterday was July 4, that truly All-USA holiday, complete with its contradictory highlights of celebration with family, picnics in the park, friends and advertising in the guise of parade entries.
Ah, the parade.
Note the shoes
Doesn't every community honor pirates in their parades?
It included political groups with handshaking candidates, (including the Democrats...where were the Republicans?) church VBS promotions (even Jesus sat with some disciples on the back of a farm wagon...LOL...and no, I didn't take a picture!), and the police department, the fire department and their equipment. Ever present were the car clubs (really, how many Mustangs can one view and still be excited?) followed by the tractors, boy scouts, campfire girls, local high school cookie/seat cushion sellers, clowns with balloons, the junk-cart vendors, and the Shriners crammed into their 'toy' cars. Several entries proudly displayed uniformed armed services personnel displaying the USA, Canadian, British, states flags, and various specialty flags. The Navy made a good showing. There were the Navy jet flyovers, a rescue helicopter flyover with a guy hanging outside the bird to wave to the parade goers, more candy throwing (even the young children got tired of picking up the Laffy Taffy and broken lollipops (suckers?). The predictable end of the parade arrived with the Yacht Club's pirates/sailing ship.
Okay, have I seen it all? This was the longest parade I've seen in OH, perhaps an hour long. It was like watching a slow moving movie consisting of one advertising sign after another. We kept watching because (1) we wanted to see how long this parade would be (2) we kept waiting for the exciting parade entries (which never happened). Whatever happened to those chicken-wire/colored-napkin covered creations, the high school bands (even in summer) providing snappy marches, the dressed up cowboys/girls on prancing stallions, the formally dressed princesses waving their 'princess waves'?
This time I mostly watched the small children, visited with people next to me about why they came to the parade. Even they said it had really gone downhill over the years. Sad. Is part of this because what I remember as a child was all magical and new? Now I'm experienced (old) and cynical. Sigh.
After the parade we walked (we walked everywhere, town is small) to the city beach park where the carnival was set up, the food vendors and specialty booths were set up. Lots of people. More people at the parade, in the park, for this event than even the last one. I saw a few people I knew. Its like I'm finally getting 'into' the place, and now I'm leaving. Oh well, New Adventures. T and I had gyros, sat and watched the people for awhile, then walked slowly back to my place, stopping along main street to browse in the antique shops that were open (no customers...everyone was at the beach!). We both managed to get a bit of a suntan-burn in our wanderings, but nothing serious. The weather was perfect.....perhaps 72 degrees with that slight ocean breeze bringing in fresh, clean air. Upon arriving at my place, we decided on a big glass of limeade, a bit of a rest off our feet. Then we both decided we needed to nap before staying up late for fireworks....remember 'old'?
So T left and I napped about an hour. Then I picked up a cherry pie and ice cream, some potatoes to bake over the grill and headed to the B's where we had a little bbq and played Wii bowling. I WON! I was amazed! I like Wii bowling even if I don't win! I can actually do it without ripping off my thumbnail or falling on my wrist. (See previous blog entries.)
Then T and I went back to the park to watch the fireworks. They started at 10:30 and lasted about 1/2 hour. The spectacular part was that we were sitting almost under them and it was a little disconcerting that the ashes might fall on us, but didn't. Then we drove home. I didn't get to sleep till after midnight since the neighborhood was still celebrating. This state definitely has few restrictions to fireworks! Lilo survived, displaying only a little skittishness.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Sunday Morning
I enjoy that CBS production.
I am back at home in OH, after my dismal trip to Portland and back. The traffic back was horrible. What is usually a 6 hour trip, took me 8. I was exhausted mentally and physically when I got home.
My grand plans to pick up my coveted made-to-order patio bench and my stored belongings in River City and deliver them to WW was a bust. As was every other thing I tried to do, like getting some major repairs done on my car. My credit is at an abysmal low right now. Not that I'm hungry or anything. I still have gas for my car....at least for awhile. My rent for the month is paid. But for the move and the new place and all that, I have minimal funds. It will come, I know. Stewardship again. I'm really trying to change my ways.
Last evening I spent with the B's for Mouse's first birthday! She was delighted to knaw on some bbq ribs, to smoosh cupcake frosting all over her face and hands and grin through all of it. It took her awhile to work off all the sugar. She caught on to opening presents toward the last of the event, and really enjoyed watching bubbles (every-one-year old needs bubbles!) and finally reached out to touch them. Magical. Such innocence and delight! Forgot my camera but dad and mom took some good pictures, so I'm hoping I'll get a copy of a few. Another memory in my book. I gave her a blue elephant. After all, she is 'family;' I was able to be one of the first to see her after her birth! I'm glad her grandma is moving here. Every child needs a grandma near!
I'm tired. Stress, always present, is taking its toll as I mentally calculate and recalculate all my moving plans. Somehow I know it will all happen as it is supposed to, but my mind is a bit clouded by it all at the moment.
The day is a beautiful one and next on my day's agenda is to take advantage of this beautiful weather and scenery for as long as I live in it and go for a walk to enjoy it.
It is summer; time to sit back, enjoy the moment, reflect. Lilo is. She goes in and out the door, first lying on the step and then coming in to lie on the floor just inside the door and looking out. She gets the breeze, but not the heat that way. She is basically an indoor cat! She's my constant sidekick lately. I think she knows things are different and about to change in a big way.
PS I'll also miss the church bells ringing the hour and chiming out a couple encouraging hymns at regular intervals.
I am back at home in OH, after my dismal trip to Portland and back. The traffic back was horrible. What is usually a 6 hour trip, took me 8. I was exhausted mentally and physically when I got home.
My grand plans to pick up my coveted made-to-order patio bench and my stored belongings in River City and deliver them to WW was a bust. As was every other thing I tried to do, like getting some major repairs done on my car. My credit is at an abysmal low right now. Not that I'm hungry or anything. I still have gas for my car....at least for awhile. My rent for the month is paid. But for the move and the new place and all that, I have minimal funds. It will come, I know. Stewardship again. I'm really trying to change my ways.
Last evening I spent with the B's for Mouse's first birthday! She was delighted to knaw on some bbq ribs, to smoosh cupcake frosting all over her face and hands and grin through all of it. It took her awhile to work off all the sugar. She caught on to opening presents toward the last of the event, and really enjoyed watching bubbles (every-one-year old needs bubbles!) and finally reached out to touch them. Magical. Such innocence and delight! Forgot my camera but dad and mom took some good pictures, so I'm hoping I'll get a copy of a few. Another memory in my book. I gave her a blue elephant. After all, she is 'family;' I was able to be one of the first to see her after her birth! I'm glad her grandma is moving here. Every child needs a grandma near!
I'm tired. Stress, always present, is taking its toll as I mentally calculate and recalculate all my moving plans. Somehow I know it will all happen as it is supposed to, but my mind is a bit clouded by it all at the moment.
The day is a beautiful one and next on my day's agenda is to take advantage of this beautiful weather and scenery for as long as I live in it and go for a walk to enjoy it.
It is summer; time to sit back, enjoy the moment, reflect. Lilo is. She goes in and out the door, first lying on the step and then coming in to lie on the floor just inside the door and looking out. She gets the breeze, but not the heat that way. She is basically an indoor cat! She's my constant sidekick lately. I think she knows things are different and about to change in a big way.
PS I'll also miss the church bells ringing the hour and chiming out a couple encouraging hymns at regular intervals.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Today
Was reviewing my post from one year ago. Wow. It seems like forever ago. Goodbyes were much simpler this year as friendships begun were cut short. Moving was easier. This week has been a week of frustrations. Whatever I tried to do, it just didn't work out. I came to River City to be with Barb and get some things accomplished...car fixed, going through storage left here, etc. Nothing seems to have worked out. So I GIVE UP! Do you hear me? I GIVE UP! I'm going home to OH. I had planned on picking up a patio bench I had in storage, pick up some other stuff I had stored in another place and then take all that to WW. Didn't work out. AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGH.
I'll just go home (seems odd to call OH home, but home it has become), get out my boxes and pack. Just pack. And give away to the thrift stores. I don't know if I really have anything left for a garage sale. I'm debating about even taking my Salvation Army-bought furniture. Maybe it's time to get rid of it. What I will sit on when I get to WW remains to be seen. Moving. I loathe it. Today, I loathe myself and my life.
I'll just go home (seems odd to call OH home, but home it has become), get out my boxes and pack. Just pack. And give away to the thrift stores. I don't know if I really have anything left for a garage sale. I'm debating about even taking my Salvation Army-bought furniture. Maybe it's time to get rid of it. What I will sit on when I get to WW remains to be seen. Moving. I loathe it. Today, I loathe myself and my life.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Here-a-House, There-a-House Guilt
Okay, so I'm crazy. I admit it. I wanted a really cute little house in WW really, really badly. I finally gave it up when I couldn't get financing for it. Then the owners called me and told me they would rent it to me. We talked about rent-to-own. They decided to offer me a 3-year lease, just renting it. I was so excited I offered a maximum I thought I could handle. Then realized it was more than I wanted to pay. I was very squeamish about leasing a place for 3 years. A lot can happen in three years. The owners are close to 80 years old. What if they died or became incapacitated? What if I didn't like the neighborhood, couldn't stand my job or needed to move to CO to take care of my dad or something? When it came down to it, I just couldn't sign the lease. When they called, I told them my reservations. The guy thought I was backing out and acted like I'd insulted our verbal agreement. He made me feel guilty that I wasn't going through with the deal. I talked to him about the rent to own for three years, rather than just a straight rental-lease agreement. He and his wife talked it over and called me back, saying that they'd thought I was okay with all of it and if I didn't want their terms, they would put the house on the market again. So I said, Okay. I'm giving it up. And I hung up. Why do I feel guilty? Why am I so discouraged? A little dream gone. But some relief.
I do have a little house with a carport that my D's MIL will rent to me and it will be fine. Small but fine. And she will be moving there in a few years, so I'll have to find a more permanent residence soon........Moving again. I think that's part of it. I've decided I hate moving. I'm strapped financially just to get the essentials moved and get into a place and get settled. Yuck.
God is still teaching me. Oh yeah. At my age. Why couldn't I have taken hold of this lesson of stewardship a lot sooner? It runs my life, you know. Stewardship. Of little things, of my appetite for food, houses, cars, clothing, Things. And I have SO Much compared to, oh, you know. The world in general. Guilt. Built-in guilt.
As I look back, I realize, all too painfully, that since my divorce, I've accepted my dad's emotional blackmail and taken his monetary gifts when I needed them to help me or my kids. I need to get over this. Part of the accountability-stewardship plan. Starting now. Letting go of the cute little house. Am I settling for second best...again in my life? Do I have the fortitude to really pick up the stewardship banner and hold it high, even when my arms get tired? Heaven help me! Literally, please, Heaven help me!
I do have a little house with a carport that my D's MIL will rent to me and it will be fine. Small but fine. And she will be moving there in a few years, so I'll have to find a more permanent residence soon........Moving again. I think that's part of it. I've decided I hate moving. I'm strapped financially just to get the essentials moved and get into a place and get settled. Yuck.
God is still teaching me. Oh yeah. At my age. Why couldn't I have taken hold of this lesson of stewardship a lot sooner? It runs my life, you know. Stewardship. Of little things, of my appetite for food, houses, cars, clothing, Things. And I have SO Much compared to, oh, you know. The world in general. Guilt. Built-in guilt.
As I look back, I realize, all too painfully, that since my divorce, I've accepted my dad's emotional blackmail and taken his monetary gifts when I needed them to help me or my kids. I need to get over this. Part of the accountability-stewardship plan. Starting now. Letting go of the cute little house. Am I settling for second best...again in my life? Do I have the fortitude to really pick up the stewardship banner and hold it high, even when my arms get tired? Heaven help me! Literally, please, Heaven help me!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Taking a Deep Breath
Friday! TGIF! You know how it is on vacation? The first two days your body and mind are still in high 'working' gear and you seem to get a lot done and then the third day hits. Well, that's what's happening to me. As much as I've tried, I can't seem to do anything but spin my wheels. I got laundry and the dishes done. I need to vacuum and finish straightening out the guest room where piles (organized piles, mind you) of my preschool materials lie. Maybe that's why I don't want to go in there. I just don't want to think about preschool for awhile.
Barb is coming for a long weekend and then we will drive to River City. My plan is to pick up my stored Stuff and move it to WW, help interview IA candidates for my classroom (Nice of them to ask for my input!) , and then finalize the house stuff. I'll return to OH and begin packing in all seriousness. I need to be packed and driving out of OH at the earliest on Juy 20. At the latest, July 31.
Possibly, just thinking about all this is making me tired..That and the stupid pharmacy got my prescriptions all messed up and I didn't have some of my meds this week when I needed them. Argh. I wouldn't have had any problems, except that i forgot my cosmetic case at Barb's this last weekend, so I had to call docs and get special permission to have an extra refill. Of course the pharmacy, running on automatic, was totally confused. It was a mess. After 4 trips down there and three calls to the doctor, I finally go my meds late Wednesday. Not having my meds on regular basis really messed with my system.
So I've labeled today as "Tired Friday." I pick up Barb from the train station at 8 this evening, so I really have to get busy, to have everything done in time to drive to the train station.
Thank goodness the weather is beautiful. AAHH. Summer in OH. Smell the fresh sea air, enjoy the golden, warm sunshine.
(Soon enough I'll be begging for a place to hide from its searing heat in WW!).
For today, Take a Deep Breath...Hmm, and maybe just a short nap.
Barb is coming for a long weekend and then we will drive to River City. My plan is to pick up my stored Stuff and move it to WW, help interview IA candidates for my classroom (Nice of them to ask for my input!) , and then finalize the house stuff. I'll return to OH and begin packing in all seriousness. I need to be packed and driving out of OH at the earliest on Juy 20. At the latest, July 31.
Possibly, just thinking about all this is making me tired..That and the stupid pharmacy got my prescriptions all messed up and I didn't have some of my meds this week when I needed them. Argh. I wouldn't have had any problems, except that i forgot my cosmetic case at Barb's this last weekend, so I had to call docs and get special permission to have an extra refill. Of course the pharmacy, running on automatic, was totally confused. It was a mess. After 4 trips down there and three calls to the doctor, I finally go my meds late Wednesday. Not having my meds on regular basis really messed with my system.
So I've labeled today as "Tired Friday." I pick up Barb from the train station at 8 this evening, so I really have to get busy, to have everything done in time to drive to the train station.
Thank goodness the weather is beautiful. AAHH. Summer in OH. Smell the fresh sea air, enjoy the golden, warm sunshine.
(Soon enough I'll be begging for a place to hide from its searing heat in WW!).
For today, Take a Deep Breath...Hmm, and maybe just a short nap.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Miracles Weekly
I haven't kept you up on all the miracles that have happened surrounding my move. You know I wanted to buy a cute, 'perfect,' little house near my kids. But prudently I let it go. The owner called back 2 weeks later and asked if I wanted a long term lease with option to buy. Would I?!?! I'm thrilled. I can picture myself living in that place, doing a little gardening, sitting out on the patio surrounded by pots of flowers in the evening. It is probably about 3/4 mile from my D and SIL and soon-coming grandbaby. In a year or so, perhaps one very special little boy will come to visit and play in that back yard (Ooo. I might have to find some play equipment at the thrift store...a little sand box and slide/swing perhaps. Fun!) Maybe we'll have a backyard picnic or two. Now all I have to do is round up the money for the rents and deposit. Gulp.
In saying good bye and talking to my students' parents, my colleagues and friends, I have had 3 offers to drive my moving truck to WW and one offer to help move boxes.....always the harder thing to do!
The director at my new job has been so helpful and kind. I was paid for the day I went to the preplan meeting. They are paying for me to attend a day's teachers' conference in July! When I spoke of the concerns I had about my job, after my observation, they made plans to 'fix' the problems. Now i don't know how it will all play out, but it is initially looking very, very good! Like the school district actually supports its staff! A liaison person who works for the school district to help new staff, gave me info for helpers to unload the moving truck and people to contact for making sure my house contract is okay.
All the pieces seem to be coming together nicely. I really do think God is leading me to this place. There have been so many positive outcomes to problems that I had no control over. And to be close to family will be such a delight!
I PROMISE my family right now that I will make every effort to not make a nuisance of myself. And if I become that nuisance, they will (politely, I hope) tell me they need their space.
I have made arrangements to have my cable here in OH disconnected July 8, so around that date, you may not hear from me until August. If I get too bummed out with no access, I'll go to the library or the B's. Otherwise, I'll be focused on packing and selling/giving away more excess STuff.
I still need prayers going up, as the funding for all of this is still lacking. I know, I'm nuts, but it just HAs to work out! It has so far. I'm putting trust and faith to work that the funds will be present, too!
In saying good bye and talking to my students' parents, my colleagues and friends, I have had 3 offers to drive my moving truck to WW and one offer to help move boxes.....always the harder thing to do!
The director at my new job has been so helpful and kind. I was paid for the day I went to the preplan meeting. They are paying for me to attend a day's teachers' conference in July! When I spoke of the concerns I had about my job, after my observation, they made plans to 'fix' the problems. Now i don't know how it will all play out, but it is initially looking very, very good! Like the school district actually supports its staff! A liaison person who works for the school district to help new staff, gave me info for helpers to unload the moving truck and people to contact for making sure my house contract is okay.
All the pieces seem to be coming together nicely. I really do think God is leading me to this place. There have been so many positive outcomes to problems that I had no control over. And to be close to family will be such a delight!
I PROMISE my family right now that I will make every effort to not make a nuisance of myself. And if I become that nuisance, they will (politely, I hope) tell me they need their space.
I have made arrangements to have my cable here in OH disconnected July 8, so around that date, you may not hear from me until August. If I get too bummed out with no access, I'll go to the library or the B's. Otherwise, I'll be focused on packing and selling/giving away more excess STuff.
I still need prayers going up, as the funding for all of this is still lacking. I know, I'm nuts, but it just HAs to work out! It has so far. I'm putting trust and faith to work that the funds will be present, too!
Monday, June 18, 2007
Waves of Emotion and Goodbyes
This past weekend I took a fast trip to River city to be with Barb while she had an angiogram. It was normal. Whew! It was an unsettling pause in the business of finishing my work year here. I would be gone Friday, the last major day of school. Monday, today, was a make up 'snow' day from our having stayed home because of bad winter weather. The classroom was packed and I only had a few odds and ends to finish. It was odd being there, working on my computer in the middle of the quiet, packed room, with my teaching materials stacked in a corner waiting to be loaded into my car.
My assistants and lots of staff had taken today as a sick day or annual leave day. The other preschool teachers were there, though, and I got to say goodbye to them and take a picture.
It seemed weird as each person left and told me goodbye. I went to the office and told the secretaries and a couple of other teachers, goodbye. A mixture of feelings came over me: lightness for having finished the job well, sadness at saying goodbye to a place I'd come to accept and love, excitement in saying goodbye while looking forward to a new adventure and anxiety in thinking about all that it takes to move. I packed the last box in my car from the school, went to the office to turn in my keys, returned to the classroom to stand for a moment and mentally reminisce. The slide/video show in my head was not the one actually captured on film. I remembered students with their endearing quirks, running happily in the playground, feeling the warm air or the wind, asking for a push on the swing or a hand for helping walk the curb. I saw the smiles of the other teachers as we grew into friends, our parent night success, my asssistants being everywhere at once. I remember rides down the mountain in J's truck while sharing personal and professional insights on our way to the monthly meetings. I thought about all the paperwork and how it is finally Done!.
Then I walked to my car in the parking lot for the last time. It was time to go. I took a last look at the classroom doors, the rose trellis. I drove out onto the street. Goodby OH school! Goodbye big playground! Goodbye students! Goodbye friends! I hope I may see you again and perhaps take wonderful vacations here....I wonder if I would ever end up living here again?
I'm on to the next adventure. WW and grandchildren.......yes! My S and DIL have also made the announcement! Wow! Is it ever going to be a busy year with a new house, new job, new family members! Joy!
Waves of Joy, sadness, satisfaction, anxiety, hope and more Joy! Goodbye OH school!
My assistants and lots of staff had taken today as a sick day or annual leave day. The other preschool teachers were there, though, and I got to say goodbye to them and take a picture.
It seemed weird as each person left and told me goodbye. I went to the office and told the secretaries and a couple of other teachers, goodbye. A mixture of feelings came over me: lightness for having finished the job well, sadness at saying goodbye to a place I'd come to accept and love, excitement in saying goodbye while looking forward to a new adventure and anxiety in thinking about all that it takes to move. I packed the last box in my car from the school, went to the office to turn in my keys, returned to the classroom to stand for a moment and mentally reminisce. The slide/video show in my head was not the one actually captured on film. I remembered students with their endearing quirks, running happily in the playground, feeling the warm air or the wind, asking for a push on the swing or a hand for helping walk the curb. I saw the smiles of the other teachers as we grew into friends, our parent night success, my asssistants being everywhere at once. I remember rides down the mountain in J's truck while sharing personal and professional insights on our way to the monthly meetings. I thought about all the paperwork and how it is finally Done!.
Then I walked to my car in the parking lot for the last time. It was time to go. I took a last look at the classroom doors, the rose trellis. I drove out onto the street. Goodby OH school! Goodbye big playground! Goodbye students! Goodbye friends! I hope I may see you again and perhaps take wonderful vacations here....I wonder if I would ever end up living here again?
I'm on to the next adventure. WW and grandchildren.......yes! My S and DIL have also made the announcement! Wow! Is it ever going to be a busy year with a new house, new job, new family members! Joy!
Waves of Joy, sadness, satisfaction, anxiety, hope and more Joy! Goodbye OH school!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Redneck
Literally.
Today was the last day of school with students and we spent it at the city beach park. It was a perfect day. The weather was sunny and 67-75 degrees. A slight sea breeze blew across our backs. Just enough to tease away any feelings of being too warm.
The children mostly accepted our boundaries of staying in the park and not on the beach. Later we all walked down there where they overturned rocks to find baby crabs galore, picked up sea shells and threw rocks into the water gently lapping the shore. Several parents came to enjoy the day with us and that helped us lots! Our morning class arrvied at 9 and left at 11:30. During our lunch break, I stayed at the beach to watch over all our picnic paraphernalia while others went back to the classroom to catch the latest emails. Not me! I sat in my lawn chair under the tree and ate my sandwich and drank my Pepsi. What a glorious feeling, watching the boats far out in the bay, the kayaks going by, the few children from the community for whom I had absolutely NO responsibiility! I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Bliss.
Soon the afternoon class arrived and we were 'on duty' again. Again, we had plenty of parents to help us. The one child that we worried about going in the water came with his grandma and she allowed him to have water play far from the rest of the group, so they didn't even know he was doing it. Our medically fragile child started clinging to us and went to sleep...precursors to his going into seizures. His mom had to come get him, but other than that, there were no catastrophes short of one or two bunged knees. Of course we were prepared with first aid kit/ cell phone, ER #'s for all the families, etc. Children left at 3:30 either with parents or on the bus. As I watched the last one leave, I was both elated and saddened. I won't get to watch them grow another year. I am exhausted and ready for this year to be done! Even the most challenging child seemed to wave goodby and smile. I think the day was a good break for everyone!
Arriving home, my eyes began to itch, my neck sting. I began to look at myself. I'd worn T-shirt and jeans to the park, so had acquired a weird farmer's tan on my arms. The back of my neck was red.....no wonder it was stinging! My eyeballs hurt and I wondered if they were sunburned, even though I'd worn sunglasses. My face even looked bronzed. Wow! I finally decided to shower, as allergy pollens, as well as the sun, had taken their toll. It was a good thing I'd put sunscreen on my ears and nose. I lathered myself in lotions. Sweet, clean smells. Took an allergy pill. Quiet repose. AAAHHHH.
Redneck! :o}
Today was the last day of school with students and we spent it at the city beach park. It was a perfect day. The weather was sunny and 67-75 degrees. A slight sea breeze blew across our backs. Just enough to tease away any feelings of being too warm.
The children mostly accepted our boundaries of staying in the park and not on the beach. Later we all walked down there where they overturned rocks to find baby crabs galore, picked up sea shells and threw rocks into the water gently lapping the shore. Several parents came to enjoy the day with us and that helped us lots! Our morning class arrvied at 9 and left at 11:30. During our lunch break, I stayed at the beach to watch over all our picnic paraphernalia while others went back to the classroom to catch the latest emails. Not me! I sat in my lawn chair under the tree and ate my sandwich and drank my Pepsi. What a glorious feeling, watching the boats far out in the bay, the kayaks going by, the few children from the community for whom I had absolutely NO responsibiility! I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Bliss.
Soon the afternoon class arrived and we were 'on duty' again. Again, we had plenty of parents to help us. The one child that we worried about going in the water came with his grandma and she allowed him to have water play far from the rest of the group, so they didn't even know he was doing it. Our medically fragile child started clinging to us and went to sleep...precursors to his going into seizures. His mom had to come get him, but other than that, there were no catastrophes short of one or two bunged knees. Of course we were prepared with first aid kit/ cell phone, ER #'s for all the families, etc. Children left at 3:30 either with parents or on the bus. As I watched the last one leave, I was both elated and saddened. I won't get to watch them grow another year. I am exhausted and ready for this year to be done! Even the most challenging child seemed to wave goodby and smile. I think the day was a good break for everyone!
Arriving home, my eyes began to itch, my neck sting. I began to look at myself. I'd worn T-shirt and jeans to the park, so had acquired a weird farmer's tan on my arms. The back of my neck was red.....no wonder it was stinging! My eyeballs hurt and I wondered if they were sunburned, even though I'd worn sunglasses. My face even looked bronzed. Wow! I finally decided to shower, as allergy pollens, as well as the sun, had taken their toll. It was a good thing I'd put sunscreen on my ears and nose. I lathered myself in lotions. Sweet, clean smells. Took an allergy pill. Quiet repose. AAAHHHH.
Redneck! :o}
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Saturday, June 02, 2007
The Beginning of the End
I can hardly believe that this year is almost over. Last weekend I spent in WW, going to a preplanning meeting wth the new job group. I am very happy with their listening to and addressing my concerns, for the monetary support they provided for my trip for that meeting. It seems like they are quite supportive of their teachers and that is a big change from this place! The people I met are friendly and personable and I feel like I will 'fit in' okay. It all remains to be experienced, of course!
Next week is the last week of school for teaching kids, then there is one more week to clean the classroom and finish the paperwork. This next week I have meetings on Monday, teach regular classes Tuesday and Wednesday. We have a little graduation exercise in the classroom on Thursday and Friday is beach day, where we spend our class day at the beach with the kids to picnic and say goodbye. Then one week left in the classroom for the final meetings with parents, finishing paperwork and cleaning. I've already had two or three bouts of crying over various things. My stress has come out in really bad eating habits and lack of exercise. Today I aim for walking (although a walk 1x/week just doesn't cut it for real exercise!)
Suddenly I'm counting the weeks and realize I have very little time to pack for my move to WW. I was originally thinking August seemed so far away, with lots of time for lazy summer days. Duh. Suddenly my time is planned out.
My girlfriend Barb is coming the last weekend of June and we will tour a bit of the local beauty. Then I will drive her back to River City and see friends there, pick up a load of my 'stuff' I left there and take it to WW, then head back to OH where another friend is coming for July 4. I hear there's a fairly decent July 4 fireworks show over the Harbor here, so I look forward to it. Especially if the weather is as nice as it has been this last week! (Natives tell me this was a fluke, however.)
I reserved a rental truck for July 31, so I need to be packed by July 30! I'm going to have a garage sale of some of my stuff..or give it away if I have to! I hope to have the truck packed and driven to WW by August 2. Then I'll just drop stuff, as I have to be in River City that weekend for a dr's appt. I found out my insurance here includes my doc there, so hey, I need to take advantage of it!
Poor Lilo will be wild by that time and really out of it, poor thing. Especially if I leave her alone in the new place! But, she's gotten bolder here and I think she'll be okay...eventually.
I've pretty much given up on the house buying thing. It will be more 'prudent' to rent and pay down my bills, then look into buying. (Okay, so I've been telling myself that for 10 years. I could still change?!) After all, WW may not work out......fat chance, but we'll see. I do have a place to rent when I go. It's small, but nice, well cared for, and I know the landlord...a friend who has promised me a really good deal. So I'm set. All I have to do is come up with the money to move. Pray for 'pennies from heaven' (and nickels and dimes and quarters and dollars and fortunes)!
Next week is the last week of school for teaching kids, then there is one more week to clean the classroom and finish the paperwork. This next week I have meetings on Monday, teach regular classes Tuesday and Wednesday. We have a little graduation exercise in the classroom on Thursday and Friday is beach day, where we spend our class day at the beach with the kids to picnic and say goodbye. Then one week left in the classroom for the final meetings with parents, finishing paperwork and cleaning. I've already had two or three bouts of crying over various things. My stress has come out in really bad eating habits and lack of exercise. Today I aim for walking (although a walk 1x/week just doesn't cut it for real exercise!)
Suddenly I'm counting the weeks and realize I have very little time to pack for my move to WW. I was originally thinking August seemed so far away, with lots of time for lazy summer days. Duh. Suddenly my time is planned out.
My girlfriend Barb is coming the last weekend of June and we will tour a bit of the local beauty. Then I will drive her back to River City and see friends there, pick up a load of my 'stuff' I left there and take it to WW, then head back to OH where another friend is coming for July 4. I hear there's a fairly decent July 4 fireworks show over the Harbor here, so I look forward to it. Especially if the weather is as nice as it has been this last week! (Natives tell me this was a fluke, however.)
I reserved a rental truck for July 31, so I need to be packed by July 30! I'm going to have a garage sale of some of my stuff..or give it away if I have to! I hope to have the truck packed and driven to WW by August 2. Then I'll just drop stuff, as I have to be in River City that weekend for a dr's appt. I found out my insurance here includes my doc there, so hey, I need to take advantage of it!
Poor Lilo will be wild by that time and really out of it, poor thing. Especially if I leave her alone in the new place! But, she's gotten bolder here and I think she'll be okay...eventually.
I've pretty much given up on the house buying thing. It will be more 'prudent' to rent and pay down my bills, then look into buying. (Okay, so I've been telling myself that for 10 years. I could still change?!) After all, WW may not work out......fat chance, but we'll see. I do have a place to rent when I go. It's small, but nice, well cared for, and I know the landlord...a friend who has promised me a really good deal. So I'm set. All I have to do is come up with the money to move. Pray for 'pennies from heaven' (and nickels and dimes and quarters and dollars and fortunes)!
Monday, May 28, 2007
NOW!
Well, I've made the long trip again safely. Here I am in WW thinking and worrying and fretting and, and, and. Moving. Buying a house. Not buying a house. Renting. Not renting. Moving expenses. Yikes!
Even fretting over C/E's house decisions over which I have absolutely no investment except that they are my special children! I want the best for them. Why can't we always have the best the world can offer?
Maybe the world doesn't offer the best. We really are 'just a travelin' through..'
Why does every joy have to be laced with sorrows? Is that the only way we learn? Why did God allow it that way?
Okay, so today I'm totally a "material girl". I want it and I want it ALL. NOW! In PERFECTION please!
Even fretting over C/E's house decisions over which I have absolutely no investment except that they are my special children! I want the best for them. Why can't we always have the best the world can offer?
Maybe the world doesn't offer the best. We really are 'just a travelin' through..'
Why does every joy have to be laced with sorrows? Is that the only way we learn? Why did God allow it that way?
Okay, so today I'm totally a "material girl". I want it and I want it ALL. NOW! In PERFECTION please!
Saturday, May 26, 2007
First Things First
I got up early today as I intended to accomplish a lot. I cleaned my bathroom, sorted laundry for the laundromat, showered even (early on a Saturday!) and decided I'd go to church, but first I would do my laundry....early! By 8:15 a.m. I was ready to go to the laundromat. Once there, I began to unload my baskets, when I looked around, realized I just did not have any energy, physically or emotionally, so I drove home. Laundry is still in the car and it is now 4 p.m. I laid on the bed and took an hour's nap. Got up, ate breakfast and turned on sacred music and a sermon. Went to sleep on the sofa. Got up to check email, wandered around the house and decided I'd have lunch. I ate only a little and was soon napping again. Lilo, of course, simply did her routine of napping and wanting to be outside, so I left the door open. I have a cheap hanging screen that she can go in/out, and it keeps the bugs out, mostly. Neighbors have left for the weekend, too, I think, so its pretty quiet. NICE!
I decided to see what the weather was around the area and decided to eat again. Turned on the TV and there was a Vegietale's story! Cute! Then I looked out my door and a hummingbird inspected each of my flower pots to see if s/he was interested! Hummingbirds! They are so enchanting!
So, first things first. I'm going to actually leave my apt and get a plant or feeder for the hummingbirds!
That, at least, has sparked a bit of energy into my soul.
I decided to see what the weather was around the area and decided to eat again. Turned on the TV and there was a Vegietale's story! Cute! Then I looked out my door and a hummingbird inspected each of my flower pots to see if s/he was interested! Hummingbirds! They are so enchanting!
So, first things first. I'm going to actually leave my apt and get a plant or feeder for the hummingbirds!
That, at least, has sparked a bit of energy into my soul.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Rambling
Can hardly move!
Getting better!It's interesting how a small injury can grind one's life into a totally different gear. I haven't been able to type or drive my stick shift car or do a few personal things very well. But that's all, yet it turned my thinking around quite a bit! When I consider those whose lives are turned upside down when their sons/husbands/wives/daughters are killed or permanently disabled by war or other tragedies, I feel foolish for even feeling the slight pain of a simple wrist strain. But even these little injuries allow me to find more compassion and patience with those whose lives are absorbed by their own pain.
I've had great news this week! A grandson! A boy who can turn one's heart into jelly with one angelic smile. A boy who will get into what he shouldn't, then give another angelic smile. A boy! Now to go shopping!
Got my hair colored today, covered the gray. It looks better, but not as good as when Robert did it. >Sigh< He really was the best! I'm sure my regularly 'contributed funds' helped him buy his ocean "cottage" for retirement!
I miss my son and daughter-in-law. I hope they are able to come at holiday time next year. This year is going by so fast! Whew! It is nearly 1/2 over already, and I'm just getting used to writing 2007!
I'm sort of in...hum...not really the eye of the storm, but definitely a relatively calm period before the angst of moving and making decisions jumps into high gear. I'm heading to WW again this weekend to attend a pre-plan meeting for next year, but have not been approved to leave for the day I plan to be gone. I'm going anyway. I hope I'm not 'burning bridges.'
My assistants are so close to burning out, I hope they can hang on a little longer. Hurting my wrist didn't help them much, as I can't handle the kids who need some physical handling or haul heavy trikes,etc, but otherwise, I think everything is okay. But we're all near burn out. Even the kids, I think. The parents? Oh, they are very worried about what to do with these kids 24/7 during the summer months. Ha! Have they learned nothing?
I don't know if I told you we had a great 'parent night' where we three pre-K teachers gave interested parents information about three topics the parents chose. I was impressed by the number of parents who came. We felt positive about the outcome and feedback.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
One Handed Blogging
I have so much to write about and only one hand with which to type! Against my better judgment, I gave in to peer pressure and took my kids bowling with the other 2 preK classes. You guessed it. I was stupid. Tried to catch a kid who ran down a lane. Of course it was foolish, but it was instinctual to 'protect' the kid! It was me that fell like a fat elephant in the lane. The kid saw me, turned around and ran off the lane...never falling! Devil child, he is. I carefully crawled off.
My wrist strarted throbbing as I held kids' hands on our walk back to school. After school, I decided to drive to the walk-in clinic rather than go to the ER. Shorter wait time. Both places out of town. They took x-rays. Prelim report shows no broken bones, but my right wrist and hand are immobilized, swollen, bruised and painful. Oh, driving a stick shift was nearly impossible. Guess I'll be walking to work next week. I don't know how I'll get any work done on the 'puter. It's taken me an hour to type this! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
News about WW: I received my contract to sign on Thursday. I was in WW Monday and visited classes all day. Two glaring problems: 1. classrrom is in basement w/no windows and only "cold air return' air flow. 2. There is an elevator to take kids up/down, but can't be used in an emergency. They have 2 large children in wheelchairs. No way am I willing to risk that....it's against the law! So I'm formulating a letter to them before I sign the contract and rethinking this whole moving thing. If anyone has some words of wisdom or preferences, please let me know. I'm in a dither.
My wrist strarted throbbing as I held kids' hands on our walk back to school. After school, I decided to drive to the walk-in clinic rather than go to the ER. Shorter wait time. Both places out of town. They took x-rays. Prelim report shows no broken bones, but my right wrist and hand are immobilized, swollen, bruised and painful. Oh, driving a stick shift was nearly impossible. Guess I'll be walking to work next week. I don't know how I'll get any work done on the 'puter. It's taken me an hour to type this! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
News about WW: I received my contract to sign on Thursday. I was in WW Monday and visited classes all day. Two glaring problems: 1. classrrom is in basement w/no windows and only "cold air return' air flow. 2. There is an elevator to take kids up/down, but can't be used in an emergency. They have 2 large children in wheelchairs. No way am I willing to risk that....it's against the law! So I'm formulating a letter to them before I sign the contract and rethinking this whole moving thing. If anyone has some words of wisdom or preferences, please let me know. I'm in a dither.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Ever Onward
I returned to work refreshed believe it or not. I've decided that having a day off in the middle of the week is quite nice and something to work toward....working only four days a week. Although I got a few looks of "How fragile is she today?", things have pretty much settled down. And, I guess I'm not the only one breaking down. Friday, my mentor teacher came to me after school saying she'd been crying off and on all day. She's pregnant, so that heightens her emotions, her hubby is gone on assignment (in the states) and she, too, is having a heck of a time with one of her assistants. So, it's going around.
Pretty brain dead today. Rest is on order.
Oh, to all my friends and family for whom I forgot to send greetings: Happy Mother's Day!
Pretty brain dead today. Rest is on order.
Oh, to all my friends and family for whom I forgot to send greetings: Happy Mother's Day!
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Break Down
I had such a nice weekend and the Parent Night went great. Then today arrived.
Okay, so I woke up early, didn't want to go to Curves (I'd been faithful for 2 weeks :o), so read part of a novel. Suddenly I realized I better look at the clock -- 7:30!!! and I hadn't showered yet. Well, I made it to work by 8:20 which was my usual time! I was sitting at my desk, doing the usual email check plus eating my p-butter sandwich breakfast. Another teacher came in wanting to convince me to take all my kids on the bowling field trip. My assistants and I had decided it would just be a nightmare and not all that educationally relevant. She told me to suck it up and take the kids bowling. They'd have fun!!!!
Well, for some reason, I felt tears rising. They receded and as I turned back to my computer to continue checking email, somehow, I just couldn't hold back the tears. I knew I was on the verge of a BIG CRY and wouldn't last through the day, so tearfully I picked up my handbag and water bottle (forgot my lunchpail!) and just said, "Sorry, I'm not going to make it today" and amidst a few looks of astonishment and concern, walked out the door. Gulp. That left the morning class with no head teacher and probably not a sub. I immediately called the substitute secretary, so she could try to find one. Then I drove home.
I changed into those comfort clothes--you know, the ones that are 'just right fuzzy', cover the body like a comfy blanket, but aren't worn out of the house, and let myself cry while I paced the apt. Lilo just looked at me strangely, as though to say, "what are doing home already?" And "You're acting weird! But okay, I want to go outside for awhile. Meow" After my cry, I sat down and finished my novel (at least it had a happy ending), puttered around the house picking up papers, etc., then decided at 1:00 p.m. that I was hungry for lunch. I finished the absolutely yummy soup Queenie had shared (Her vegie soup) and then decided it was time for an advil for the sinus headache and a nap. Two hours later I awoke with beautiful sunshine streaming upon me and Lilo at my side. I felt better so I vacuumed and mopped. Since school was over, both my assistants called to check on me, plus one SLP colleague. It must have been quite a story that traveled around the school. Sheesh. I just wish I'd broken down BEFore I went to school. Much cooler. Now they'll just think I'm decrepid and crazy. Oh well. Such is life.
I went for a walk about an hour before sundown, walking the shoreline and picking up some more seashells for a zany decorating idea I have for my new (unknown) place in WW. (Yes, I'll pack the seashells with me! My daughter knows I already have collections of rocks and pine cones that I treasure. She is always trying to talk me out of packing them around, but they remind me of the beautiful places I found them. She can get rid of them when I die.)
Now, I feel much better and have been reflecting on what's happening with me. First of all, yes, yes, yes. I will get my meds checked. Secondly, there are such a lot of changes going on in my life and those whose lives touch mine, that it is difficult to keep up with all of it and the emotions that have to morph with the changes. I also realized that perhaps I had given up, since I'll soon be leaving, and really had become a 'lame duck' teacher, just making it through each day, following the routine and not keeping 'on top of my game.' I really am tired of fighting my assistants, the school district and the kids when I try to do anything I think might be helpful or add to their educational experience. My assistant and I have been on such rocky terms lately, that I've just gone rather consciously milk-toasty. The other teacher asking me to 'suck it up' was a wake up call, I think. 'Never give up' is the old saying. Well, I was on my way. Now, I think I'm back on track.
Remember I blogged about traveling from one school district to another for the next few years before retirement to 'see the USA'? Well, forget that. I don't have the stamina for all those changes. It just makes me that much more aware, though, of how difficult it must be for military families to uproot and graph themselves some other place so often. And with those thoughts in mind, how difficult it is for those I worked with this year to see so many changes happening.
The school district has closed one elementary school and is in the process of laying off employees. Several really good employees have been laid off simply because they had low seniority. You know that old story. It is such a stupid way of managing staff. So everyone is tentative about their jobs for next year, as people will be shifted around. Then many of the preschool staff are changing again. The new people who came this year are all leaving. You'd think the administration would catch on that they need to support their staff. I'm hearing more and more about the 'revolving door.' It's nuts. In those ways, I'm glad to be leaving here.
Oh, and for 2 days I've been getting updates on the son of one of the dear secretaries (and friend) at my old job in River City. Remember the 6 Strykers killed in Iraq last week? Well, it was her son's bunch and he was the sole surivivor. He got a gunshot wound to the neck, and is paralyzed from the neck down. We're hearing that it was snipers, as they shot the guys in the one body area their armor did not cover. He's a West Point grad; was so concerned for his unit that he told his superiors he didn't want his desk job here in the states. He needed to go back to Iraq to be with his men. His wife, mom and dad and family are devastated and on their way to Germany as I write. Believe it or not, there is a former employee from my old job in River City who works close to the Hospital in Germany and will meet the family when they arrive. What a wonderful support she will be. Pray for them and for all our families torn apart by this totally outrageous war.
I think the crying is over. I'm ready to let go. All except for Mouse and family. Oh, oh. Tears.
Okay, so I woke up early, didn't want to go to Curves (I'd been faithful for 2 weeks :o), so read part of a novel. Suddenly I realized I better look at the clock -- 7:30!!! and I hadn't showered yet. Well, I made it to work by 8:20 which was my usual time! I was sitting at my desk, doing the usual email check plus eating my p-butter sandwich breakfast. Another teacher came in wanting to convince me to take all my kids on the bowling field trip. My assistants and I had decided it would just be a nightmare and not all that educationally relevant. She told me to suck it up and take the kids bowling. They'd have fun!!!!
Well, for some reason, I felt tears rising. They receded and as I turned back to my computer to continue checking email, somehow, I just couldn't hold back the tears. I knew I was on the verge of a BIG CRY and wouldn't last through the day, so tearfully I picked up my handbag and water bottle (forgot my lunchpail!) and just said, "Sorry, I'm not going to make it today" and amidst a few looks of astonishment and concern, walked out the door. Gulp. That left the morning class with no head teacher and probably not a sub. I immediately called the substitute secretary, so she could try to find one. Then I drove home.
I changed into those comfort clothes--you know, the ones that are 'just right fuzzy', cover the body like a comfy blanket, but aren't worn out of the house, and let myself cry while I paced the apt. Lilo just looked at me strangely, as though to say, "what are doing home already?" And "You're acting weird! But okay, I want to go outside for awhile. Meow" After my cry, I sat down and finished my novel (at least it had a happy ending), puttered around the house picking up papers, etc., then decided at 1:00 p.m. that I was hungry for lunch. I finished the absolutely yummy soup Queenie had shared (Her vegie soup) and then decided it was time for an advil for the sinus headache and a nap. Two hours later I awoke with beautiful sunshine streaming upon me and Lilo at my side. I felt better so I vacuumed and mopped. Since school was over, both my assistants called to check on me, plus one SLP colleague. It must have been quite a story that traveled around the school. Sheesh. I just wish I'd broken down BEFore I went to school. Much cooler. Now they'll just think I'm decrepid and crazy. Oh well. Such is life.
I went for a walk about an hour before sundown, walking the shoreline and picking up some more seashells for a zany decorating idea I have for my new (unknown) place in WW. (Yes, I'll pack the seashells with me! My daughter knows I already have collections of rocks and pine cones that I treasure. She is always trying to talk me out of packing them around, but they remind me of the beautiful places I found them. She can get rid of them when I die.)
Now, I feel much better and have been reflecting on what's happening with me. First of all, yes, yes, yes. I will get my meds checked. Secondly, there are such a lot of changes going on in my life and those whose lives touch mine, that it is difficult to keep up with all of it and the emotions that have to morph with the changes. I also realized that perhaps I had given up, since I'll soon be leaving, and really had become a 'lame duck' teacher, just making it through each day, following the routine and not keeping 'on top of my game.' I really am tired of fighting my assistants, the school district and the kids when I try to do anything I think might be helpful or add to their educational experience. My assistant and I have been on such rocky terms lately, that I've just gone rather consciously milk-toasty. The other teacher asking me to 'suck it up' was a wake up call, I think. 'Never give up' is the old saying. Well, I was on my way. Now, I think I'm back on track.
Remember I blogged about traveling from one school district to another for the next few years before retirement to 'see the USA'? Well, forget that. I don't have the stamina for all those changes. It just makes me that much more aware, though, of how difficult it must be for military families to uproot and graph themselves some other place so often. And with those thoughts in mind, how difficult it is for those I worked with this year to see so many changes happening.
The school district has closed one elementary school and is in the process of laying off employees. Several really good employees have been laid off simply because they had low seniority. You know that old story. It is such a stupid way of managing staff. So everyone is tentative about their jobs for next year, as people will be shifted around. Then many of the preschool staff are changing again. The new people who came this year are all leaving. You'd think the administration would catch on that they need to support their staff. I'm hearing more and more about the 'revolving door.' It's nuts. In those ways, I'm glad to be leaving here.
Oh, and for 2 days I've been getting updates on the son of one of the dear secretaries (and friend) at my old job in River City. Remember the 6 Strykers killed in Iraq last week? Well, it was her son's bunch and he was the sole surivivor. He got a gunshot wound to the neck, and is paralyzed from the neck down. We're hearing that it was snipers, as they shot the guys in the one body area their armor did not cover. He's a West Point grad; was so concerned for his unit that he told his superiors he didn't want his desk job here in the states. He needed to go back to Iraq to be with his men. His wife, mom and dad and family are devastated and on their way to Germany as I write. Believe it or not, there is a former employee from my old job in River City who works close to the Hospital in Germany and will meet the family when they arrive. What a wonderful support she will be. Pray for them and for all our families torn apart by this totally outrageous war.
I think the crying is over. I'm ready to let go. All except for Mouse and family. Oh, oh. Tears.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Somebody Help Me Out
I had to call the HR office today to ask how to put in for a day off work...unpaid. You can't just do it like any other day by putting in for a sub online and turning in a request form. I'd think that they'd be yahooing about anyone wanting to take off UNPAID! No, one has to send the request form with an explanation to the HR head and then wait for them to approve or disapprove. When I asked the admin assist what would happen if my request was not approved, she stated I'd get a formal reprimand in my file. So instead of being honest, I want to just call in sick. That's a lie, right, but no reprimand.
So, okay, the reason I'm going to miss work is that the new School district that hired me for next year invited me to a planning meeting for next year. Talk about proactive! How can I pass that up? I'm not going to, reprimand or no reprimand. Lie or no lie.
I'm also going to be sick for a couple days this month. So seriously, I hope they don't drive by my place and see my car is gone.
Somebody help me and PRAY....I need real conversion. "I can't handle the truth!"
So, okay, the reason I'm going to miss work is that the new School district that hired me for next year invited me to a planning meeting for next year. Talk about proactive! How can I pass that up? I'm not going to, reprimand or no reprimand. Lie or no lie.
I'm also going to be sick for a couple days this month. So seriously, I hope they don't drive by my place and see my car is gone.
Somebody help me and PRAY....I need real conversion. "I can't handle the truth!"
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