Foggy

Weather. I'm consumed with the weather. When I lived down south, I'd watch the weather hour by hour, making sure I could survive long drives if the weather got bad. I'd worry what the weather would be so I could take a walk.....Would I have any breaks in the rain; would there be sun.......Oh, please let there be sun!

Here, I have had glorious fall days since I arrived. The last couple of weeks have been foggy in the morning, but beautiful sunshine in the afternoons, allowing me to walk along the seashore. Yesterday it stayed foggy till about 2:30 in the afternoon. Being Friday, I was pretty tired and though I had heard on the TV weather reports that rain was coming, I just couldn't drag myself out to walk in the evening. Instead, I fell asleep on the couch. Three days this week I walked at noon on the newly constructed path around a large part of the school grounds.

I've been fighting a cold for a week and my energy level has been low. The weather has been a priority......I really feel better when the sun is shining. At work, it is necessary to get those kids outside, too. I've been so thankful and glad for the sun!

When I awoke from my nap last night, the fog had settled in, so I decided I'd go to the grocery store before it got worse. I was actually glad for the fog. It made me feel a bit cozy, ready to hibernate for the weekend. It is a coast fog, not the inland dry stuff. This fog has fine, fine mist in it. I wonder how I'll feel about it in February? >smile<

I had appointments 3 nights this week. Tuesday, I attended a meeting for parents with autism and learned more about some of my students' parents who attended. I always like to get to know the families, as I can understand the children so much better! Wednesday I went to the local ESD (about a 1/2 hour drive..I was glad for No Fog!) to attend a teleconference on autism from the big city's children's hospital. Yes, most of the children in my class have autism. The information was really good, as it was education related. Thursday night was registration for and the second class of a computer class I'd signed for. It is at the middle school, easy to get to and THREE HOURS long/1x/wk. The first class I fell asleep through part of the lecture. The teacher left little time for actually working with the computer programs. I was really tired Thursday and started debating with myself about whether to go to the class or not. I want those 'easy' three hours of college credit! (My paycheck gets larger with every 10 hrs or so of college credits.) I did my assignment (which dovetailed with some work I needed to get done for the job) and went home to eat some supper. I checked my bank account. Nope, not going to the class. Bank account confirmed there would be no $ to register. Fine with me. It's been a full week.

Well, in the midst of the fog this morning, I'm headed to church. The first week I was here, I was anxious about the newness of everything. I'm an anxious person, you know. I'd heard the church was a ho-hum congregation, but decided to attend anyway. As I sat down in the sanctuary, there was the sweetest, most calming violin special! It calmed my soul, it was God's message to me, to come rest in His presence. The rest of the service I have no memory of. Each week I go, there is a special blessing of some kind. It may be small, but I go to see what God has for me as I honor Him by going to His House. Sometimes it is just the act of being there where the focus is on Him. I can't yet see His face for the fog, but I have Hope that soon we will see face to face clearly and the fog of my unbelief and doubts will fade away as the fog into sunshine. May you, too, find the sunshine through the fog. If you only have fog, may it blanket you with rest in anticipation of the sun.

Magic!

Life is daily, you know? And it is the little things that bring joy to our lives. My work continues to challenge, frustrate and bring joy, if not exhaustion. My 'alone' life outside work continues to challenge, frustrate and bring me joy..if not exhaustion! But little things happen that just brighten my day! For example, someone suggested I get a Mr. Clean 'Eraser" to get marks off my walls. So after trying all the tricks I knew (after all, I've had 50 years of cleaning experiences!) I gave in and bought this small consumable tool. Wahoo!!!!! Please don't tell me it's a menace to the environment, because it works wonders! It is truly magic in its cleaning abilities! I've cleaned all kinds of hard-to-remove dirt and it really does work!

No, this is not a commercial, but I just wanted to share my joy for all the busy, busy people who have little time for cleaning but love Clean!

After removing all the wall marks, I noticed that part of the inside of my front door looked darker brown than the ugly brown paint, so I applied the Eraser. Voila! Dirt came off in layers. So, I ended up cleaning the whole door, but the color isn't even as obnoxious now. And it leaves no streaks! Wonderful!!!!! All I have to do is dampen this little magic eraser and it works miracles. I've even shined up my chrome faucets!

Okay, other news? Life is daily, as I said. I've begun to attend Curves a couple times a week now, and I continue to walk a couple times a week, though that may end, as today it is raining consistently for the first time since I arrived.

I've put off turning on the heaters, but I'm up to wearing a t-shirt plus sweatshirt all day at home. At school, the heat Has been turned on, and of course, it is overly warm, usually up to about 80! Combine 8 active preschoolers, a thermostat set at 80 F and 3 older teachers who have personal power surges, and you've got heat-induced insanity! I finally was able to get someone to come turn down the thermostat. Thankfully each room has its own, as the other preschool teacher likes her adjoining room too warm, for my comfort!

I've been attempting, for two weeks, to put together a microwave cart that arrived, 'to be assembled.' I'm not good at these things. Even following a diagram is difficult for me. As my son said, he did NOT get his high visual perception abilities from my side of the family! And the other problem is that the pegs which lock into cam locks don't seem to be in fully, and now, I can't seem to remove them to try again. So the half-put together thing is sitting in a corner of my living room, currently being used as a TV tray. Such is life. >grin<

My headliner fabric finally arrived. Evidently it 'arrived' a couple weeks ago, but was sent back, as they forgot to add the apt. no. to the address! Grrrr. Then the returned box landed on the desk of a person who had emergency surgery, so until I emailed AND called them which caused them to hunt down the package, it would have just sat there for weeks and weeks. That fabric will cover two of my bulletin boards at school, as I can velcro pictures/schedules to it as tools to help my students with autism. I'm so glad to get it!

Well, I've given up using the onproperty laundry room as it is filthy with only one of two wash/dryer sets working. The local laundromat seems cleaner. So today I'm doing laundry, paying bills (at least I've received a paycheck to pay on them!) and going to school to put up that headliner fabric.

I've started a computer class to update me on Microsoft office and photoshop. I know bits and pieces, so it takes me twice/three times as long as it should to do a project. This class, hopefully will help me fill in the blanks.

Isn't that what life is all about? Filling in the blanks.....or erasing the wrong 'answers'? >smile<

PS: Did I ever thank my daugher for all her help packing my personal items? THANKS CB2. I couldn't have done it without you! Always love you.

Homesickness Over

Well, I've been here a month now.....my first milestone. I'm settled into somewhat of a routine and I've had good weather with sunshine. This weekend, the weather people predict, is the last of it, and already today I can tell the sunshine is disappearing under layers of clouds. I've got to find my sun-lamp!

I had a delightful surprise this last week! Jen came over and handed me a bag with colorful cups and small bowls for my classroom! She had remembered I was looking for some! Her kindness and the gift were just what I needed!

Did I tell you I got a brochure for the local symphony? It is only $140 for a season pass in the box seats (5 concerts). I was amazed! Of course its not the big city, but I am going to sign up for a balcony pass. That will give me some fun and culture throughout the year!

Today a mural made by all our school kids is being dedicated at the state park, so I'm thinking of heading out there this afternoon to check it out. It may be the last day without rain!

My staff/students and I have begun to be cohesive units and I'm glad, as we get new students next week. I'm busy with the same kinds of work I did before, but in a new setting and I like the new setting. I go to work and I come home.....no driving for hours on end. Now I can spend most of my time doing work with kids/families, rather than traveling!

Oh yeah, and I finally got paid on Friday. Now I don't have to live on credit anymore! Just pay it off! >GROAN<

Why am I here?

You'd think a nearly 60 year old wouldn't be asking this question. Humph.

You know, my move to OH was so fast, did I do this BIG thing on impulse, too? In some ways I think so, and some ways not. I know I'd been dissatisfied with my work, with the big city noise. But here, my work is still stressful and now, in this crummy apartment, I hear noise upstairs and down and I'm amazed at how many sirens there are close by.

The stress of that new paperwork has finally gotten to me and in my old procrastination form, I have reached the panic point to have to sit down and do it.

I traveled off the Island to Target on Sunday. Stopped at Fred Meyer, too. NO Big Lots store anywhere nearby. I had specific things I was hunting for, including a sturdy, inexpensive cabinet for the classroom that would sit on our countertop and hold our snack supplies. I found one of those 'cube' cabinets with doors made of pressboard. I hate pressboard, but it was cheaper than the 'rubbermaid' like material/cabinet. It will do. It's not like I'm going to get reimbursed by the school district for any money I spend on the classroom. And of course who was the one to put it together? Me. Of course, with my difficulty reading those stupid diagrams, it took me longer than any 'normal' person, but I got it done! It looks good and holds our supplies nicely!

And the district hasn't followed through yet on any of the computer program software they promised to install. The wheels turn S-L-O-W-L-Y!!!!!!!!!!! But I need the program NOW, to help set up stuff for class. Whenever I have a few moments to borrow a computer with the program, that computer is being used for paperwork.

Mondays are days for evals, paperwork and meetings. I didn't even get to the paperwork today, so I'm extra frustrated. It is so weird how I feel guilty for not helping my assistants do the organization and curriculum prep (like art projects), when I really should be hiding in the corner doing paperwork. I always promise myself I'll go home, eat, walk and then go back to work a couple hours.....................NOT! So things are left as is and time marches on.

I did walk tonight and pondered the "Why am I here?" notion. I walked along bayshore and, seeing fishermen gather along the shore (which I had never seen before) I wondered, "How do they know the fish have arrived?" How do we know anything? Why am I here? I even saw these huge fish jumping out of the water! Amazing! I don't know if it is the weather, an opening day of a fishing season or what.

I think I'm just overall sick of working. Age 65 can't come fast enough, if I'm well and have myself out of debt. Then I can retire and not worry.

As to a place of quiet rest; I just reread my lease I signed for this crummy place and it reads '12 months' not SIX months as I had agreed to.....by phone again. Never again will I hurriedly do this. I've made some MAJOR errors in not taking time to get EVERYTHING in writing and REREAD the fine print. Almost 60 and I feel like I should have learned this YEARS AGO! I'm kicking and kicking and kicking myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still have lots of blessings I should be counting. The weather is perfect, I'm mostly cozy in my apartment, my job is less frantic than my last one. I got an email from my church Bible study group today. MY DIL wrote fun new blogs. I'm wondering if my daughter has dropped her blog (Do you hear me out there?) I wonder why.....................................why...............why....oh why I am I here!?! Have I made yet another HUGE mistake in my life?

Off to bed. Another week has begun.

Apologies

This week was a week of apologies. First, I met with the HR people to discuss the differences of our understanding of what my salary would be. They apologized for any miscommunication; I apologized for any miscommunication. We still have not come to a definite conclusion resulting in my signing a contract. I'd at least like them to reimburse me for my moving expense, but fighting a school district and teacher's union is more difficult than fighting city hall, so to speak. I don't know how much I want to get into this. In the long run, even if I 'win', I basically will lose, as there will be ill feelings/tension everywhere and bad recommendations to follow me should I go someplace else. But I'm praying that God will help me do the right thing.

Then, in the middle of the week my assistants let me know they were not happy with the way they'd been left out of a meeting I had with the OT. Gulp. Me...apologizing again. I could give reasons why they weren't included formally, but it wouldn't make a difference. Anyway, we talked it out and I think we have a plan for the future.

God and I have these little conversations going where I apologize for things I do (even when I know I shouldn't do them) and this was one of those weeks. I'm an emotional eater and want(ed) God to make me stop doing that. Unfortunately, I often go ahead and make wrong choices, so I apologized a lot this week!

Then I accidentally took the playground shed key home.....apology to everyone!

I keep forgetting to do attendance and I get reminded over the intercom...frustrations and apologies!

And I think Lilo has apologized to me finally for bringing her here. She actually stood near me meowling for me to play with her, darting back and forth, pretending to jump at me, flicking at my ankles with her paws.......oh fun!

Nervous twitches/Scratching

Well, I'm feeling a bit 'Island Bound.' There's no social life for me here. I didn't realize I had a social life in my old home town, but I guess I did. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. Even the phone calls have stopped. (That is probably good, as my phone bill was astronomical last month.)

Scratch; twitch.

Saturday I did get off the island a bit to walk the Thompson Trail again. I needed that 1 1/2 hour walk. I'm up to going to Curves on a regular basis again and my life is into its new, regular routine. Each day has its little, unblogworthy "I didn't expect THAT!" episodes since I am in a new environment and all.

At work, I met the teacher I 'replaced'. She was getting ready for two overseas trips when she slipped on an unsupported piece of equipment at her gym (can you say SUE?!?!?!) and broke her wrist into many, tiny fractures. She had surgery to screw all of it together and will have to have at least one more to fine tune the repair. She said, upon visiting her old friends at school on Monday, "If I were working, I'd at least be getting paid. The irony of it all is really too much!" I had to agree....but leaves me feeling like maybe she WILL come back next year.

Twitch, scratch.

I'm not sure I want to stay anyway, but I don't think I'll want to work at ESD again, either. My salary here is a huge disappointment and I only put myself nearly into bankruptcy by moving here. I'm exhausted from worrying about it and I won't get my first paycheck until the end of the month. Oh, yeah, I'm living on credit. Ouch!

Twitch, scratch, Twitch, scratch!

I'm having a conversation with the supervisor who hired me and HR tomorrow. I'd appreciate any prayers, thoughts, meditations to influence them into feeling some sense of responsibility for at least paying my moving expenses. Because the original offer was over the phone, there's no written record (I foolishly did not make them give it to me in writing!....Learn from me, please!) and the wages set by the teacher's union are on public record over the internet. Of course, I've tried to find out how they set those up, but it is a mystery to me, how they do the "steps." I'm probably missing something easy. Plus, I probably gave them the power to throw the key away to the 'locked in' salary by refusing to join the teacher's union. I just don't believe in their politics. And here I thought I wouldn't have to be involved in politics this first year in a new place! HA!

Scratch, scratch, scratch. Twitch, Twitch, Twitch.

I went for another long walk tonight to calm the twitching/scratching. It helped some.

For quite a few blogs back, I've discussed how life's lessons keep coming back to slap me in the face until I learn them. Well, this 'financial life plan' lesson just gave me a wallop that left a bruise. So, I guess I'm ready to give in. Put me on a $ diet; lock up my purse and tie my hands. Take away my 'window shopping'....it is the breakthrough drug of course.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.

Twitch, Twitch, Twitch......
Scratch, scratch, scratch.....

Now where was that teacher's catalog?.................

Reality sets in

I've made it through my first week of teaching. It had its ups and downs. See Adventure 57 for details. I haven't gotten into a regular exercise routine yet and my body is telling it. But I've been able to run and be outside with the kids all week, so that has helped.

My experience here is still positive, but I've been very disappointed in the salary offered me on my contract. It is actually LESS than I would have made at ESD this year. I actually got brave and sent an email to the director who hired me. She said she wanted to meet face to face rather than discuss it in emails. Of course. I doubt anything will change, though, as salaries are set by the union. I think that when they quoted me an offer, my experience as a paraprofessional was thought to be certified teaching experience until they really looked into it. So, really, I'm in no position to go anywhere else at this point in time, so I'll stick it out for the year, anyway. Maybe God does just want me to have this one year adventure. Maybe I'll be due for a Memphis adventure next year?

Overall, I think my living expenses will be a little less here over the year. We'll see. So it may come out okay, but I racked up so many moving expenses, I am overcome with all my debt right now.

Reality sets in.

Lilo has finally decided she likes it here. She meows at me to open the blinds so she can see out in the mornings and has found her comfy dining chair in which to nap. She sleeps in her favorite spot on my pillow at night and has had lots of fun attacking bugs that fly in from open windows (there are no screens, but it is colder now, so the windows are shut.) We are into a regular routine.
It's all mine!
Home at last!
Reality sets in.

I think I'm skipping church tomorrow for a hike on the trail Cindy and I walked last two weeks ago. Church here, is, as A&C said, boring. I may try Anacortes or the one A&C attended a few times, but it is so far away. I really miss my Bible study group. I had finally found something really good in that! My soul aches for it.

My hairdryer blew up...with sparks and smoke! just as I finished drying my hair this morning.

Reality sets in.

For those of you who know how obsessive I am with my hair (I know, it never looks it), I have found a decent hairdresser and have even changed to using a different shampoo that I like........amazing, isn't it?

This weekend I plan to fill my tank with gas. It will be the first time since I moved here. I have to chuckle to myself to realize how little gas I've used compared to what I used in OR.

Reality sets in.

I'm a little lonely, so I plan to call the B's and go see them if they are available. I think I'll call Matt, too, and see if he'll take me on base to the furniture store to look for a microwave cart. First I'll check on a free one in the recycle section of the classifieds to see if it is still available.

Wait till you see my new buffet. You'll love it! Here's a couple pix:

Corner finial

Eighth Day: New Beginnings.

Hey, here it is, Friday afternoon and I am sitting in my classroom amidst more disarray (I have a lot at my newly half-unpacked apartment, too), just too tired to do anything more constructive than sit at the computer, where a little voice kept saying, "we have internet here!. Eight days without internet is like living in a vacuum for me now. Of course, I can't find my radio and my TV doesn't work except for a Spanish channel, a shopping channel and one of reruns. Once in awhile it will flash on a bit of news from a Seattle station; once I got a French-speaking Canadian station. I have to drive around in my car to listen to news on the car radio.

The last 1 1/2 weeks have been a whirlwind. My dear friends and coworkers helped pack a 16 ft truck, a van and my car. Then I had to haul my poor, frightened, panicked Lilo cat out of the top kitchen cupboard into her car crate for the trip. My friends drove the truck and the van to my new home port. We all made it safely, though the van was on the fritz. By the next day, when my Navy friends' time to help was limited, and we three were exhausted, I finally stuck out my credit card, hired two hunks from Mayflower and they unloaded the truck. It was great being the 'supervisor', telling them where to place different boxes. I'm in the midst of unpacking, still, and now, sitting in this classroom, I am in the midst of rearranging here, too. My brain is tired.

Every once in awhile I still get those little signs that tell me I've done the right thing. There have been several this week. For instance, I was at KMart and ran into two college friends. I roomed with the woman and my x roomed with her hubby when we were all engaged before graduation nearly 35 years ago. I hadn't actually heard from them for about 25 years. Amazing. We looked at each other, looked again (getting old is the pits, remember?) and then just started hugging. I was in the middle of checking out and they were in the line next to me. People just stared at us and we didn't even care. We talked for about thirty minutes. He is going to be working on the student information system at WWC (check it out, C&EP) and they just moved there. They were attending a wedding here. Amazing that we would happen to be at that particular place at the same time!

Then, people are just so kind here. My property manager hugs me like an old friend, a couple of coworkers want my home phone so we can get together. One new coworker just moved here after living 26 years in Hawaii and also feels a bit displaced, we just seem to have hit it off! My DILs' best buddy has been more than accommodating for my needs of computer info. My son's buddy has called a couple times to see if I need anything. I feel well cared for.

I've driven all over town for a week (and believe me, I've gotten lost a few times! Because I'm so tired, my 'maplexia' kicks in and I get all turned around), and yet, have only used shy of a 1/4 tank of gas in my little Honda Civic. It is truly a blessing. One day this week, I had an hour for lunch, so I did two errands and made a lunch at home before coming back. Amazing!

The weather has been cool, but is warming up for a last summer hurrah for the holiday weekend. I'm looking forward to at least one day of exploring a hiking area we were told about during our orientation (yes, they even shared some area history and culture!). Did you know that the second language of the area is a Philipino dialect (starts with a T, can't remember the full name)? Not Spanish, as is common in so many areas.

Well, I'm heading home. I want to do laundry and finish as much of my kitchen as I can before my friend Cindy comes to visit for the weekend. Since I hope she's driving her bigger car, I hope she will help me take a bunch of my larger boxes, full of packing paper, to my storage unit.

Here's to the "eighth day: new beginnings."

Stress City

Okay, I've turned in my work computer and last of the paperwork at my old workplace, got those cavities fixed, got a last minute mammogram, bit the bullet and had a guy come out to fix my IMAC, and extended my cable internet for a day or two. CB2 is here and bored, but I've tried to keep her busy. I left her home packing while I went running around trying to finish errands. Sorry, CB2. . Remember all the stuff that didn't sell at last sumer's garage sale? Well I just put it out in the driveway and said "FREE STUFF!" (Good, but dusty) TAKE IT AWAY! And LOTS of it disappeared! Even the computer desk which a young couple seemed entirely thrilled with. Whew! The Vets of 'Nam are taking the rest of it today. Last night a friend came over to help pack and she gave me a hard time about all the dishes and kitchen stuff I have. That I should leave a bunch of it, as I don't know if I'm staying up north and I probably won't use it and there really isn't room for it. Ah, all true, but it's the emotional attachment, you see. Oh, yeah, I already wrote how I'm too attached to my 57 years of collected 'things'. Well, the stress has gotten to me. I woke up at 5 this morning and couldn't sleep any more. So here I am after reading and praying and crying for an hour or so. After realizing the date, 8/22/2006, I realized that today would have been my 35th wedding anniversary.....>Big sigh, choke.< Hadn't thought of the date for years. Must be all the other stress surrounding me. Or the fact that I'm leaving the city I've lived in for 34 years!

CB2 is still sleeping. Today will be a long day, as I'm going to try to get most everything packed. As we've packed stuff, we've been putting the boxes in the garage. I shut the door and drove my car right up to the door of it so it can't be opened without moving my car....the only lock on the garage I have.

I'm off to Curves now, probably for the last time here in the city for awhile. I'm achey and need to keep up my strength.

My next post may be from the middle of the moving IN mess, rather than from the moving OUT mess!

Rolling Up Hill or Coasting Down?

Well, another blog entered. Yesterday I gave up the fight to buy the manufactured home in the park. It would have been too expensive monthly with not a lot of assurance that it would appreciate enough. So, I faxed in my app to get the apartment and asked them, Please, Please, could they fix up the bathroom a little more? Otherwise, I think I'll be fine. I will have to leave some of my 'stuff' with my neighbor friend, but, at least I'm back on track as seeing this move as an 'Adventure' and not having to make any permanent decisions. This time next year, I may be in the maze of moving again, but we'll let it be, for now. I just know that after I made that decision the stress rolled back to a tolerable level and last night I slept well for the first time in a week! I have a place to live, my car is fixed, other trivia under wraps.

I actually worked on finishing my office work and got some of it done until my printer decided to make these awful noises and quit working. I had changed the ink cartridges, so I think it must have something to do with that. I think the cartridges are in okay, I probably just pushed the buttons too much or in the wrong sequence, so it 'messed with its mind.' I turned it off to 'rest' for the night; so I'm hoping it will work better today and I can finish that part of my life.

Then it will be focus, focus, hocus pocus on packing.

Lilo has been duly vaccinated and checked out, with her med history in my hand and words of advice from the vet....she weighs in at 13.4 lbs and the vet said not to leave a lot of food in her dish anymore, as she is getting to the overweight stage...well, that makes two of us!

Today I am taking time out for a massage, Monday I go to the dentist to get my two cavities filled, and sometime in here I really, really need to get my hair cut. Its the little things, you know?

I'm on the move again, slowly up the hill...."I think I can, I think I can, I think I can......"

Riding the Roller Coaster

Okay, I'm tired enough that I'm numb one minute, overwhelmed the next, crying the next, and then joyful the next. Mostly, I'm tired. The ups and downs are very wearing on my psyche. Yesterday I had hopes of getting a loan that paid 97% with a grant for the other 3%. That dashed, as it is not for manufactured homes IN A PARK. Then I called one mortgage broker who said it wasn't worth going through the loan process if I couldn't come up with the 10% down payment. Then manufactured home loan is really high interest: 8-10%. Gulp. Another broker was more encouraging, but said that I'd qualify better for a 'stick built' home. 'Stick built'? New term for me. I think of houses as more stable that 'stick' built. :o) Loans for these homes sometimes offer 100% financing with no down payment. >Big sigh.< So this a.m. I'm filling out more paperwork in hopes that I can still get my chosen little corner of a piece of the American Dream--just to say I did the leg work and it didn't work out. I'll probably be getting that apartment.

I think it would be less stressful to just move up into the apartment that I'd found and thought would still be available. The problem with it is the slum front, no storage, the bathroom (I hate scuzzy bathrooms!) and no covered parking. I'd have to leave a bunch of my stuff here. C said she'd store it in her basement, but I hate to do that again. She was very nice to do it a long time ago, but having to do it again? Sheesh. I feel like I'm going backward instead of forward. The apartment would save me $ in the long run and I do have to think about the fact that this job is secure for only this year; then I'll have to move again most likely. I pray and hope the salary they quoted me is for real when it comes time to sign the job contract. But again, thinking about having an apartment that is just "there" and I don't have much to deal with is stress reducing at the moment. And if I do qualify for a stick built home (the term still makes me shake my head) I could look around for a year and maybe have a better little piece of the American Dream. American Dream! Ha! Why is it called that? It's a dream all right. A downright nightmare!

Okay, okay. I'm way too attached to my 'Things'. After all, it's taken me many years to collect all my junk, and I've scrimped and saved and shopped bargains. 99% of what I have is just junk to anyone else, anyway. Even my furniture, though I LIKE IT is from the Salvation Army store! I suppose my kids will be very frustrated at what junk their mother collected when they have to dispose of it at my demise sometime in the future. I can see them asking, "Why was THIS so important to keep? Oh, boy, we should have been helping her get rid of this stuff y-e-a-r-s ago. Mom was crazier than we thought. At least she didn't keep stacks of magazines/newspapers!" (at least I don't right now! Who has time to read them, anyhow?).

Oh, the broken-down car, you ask? Had it towed to the fix-it shop where they replaced the thermostat and the radiator. Hoses seemed to be in good condition. Did the 30,000 mile check up and came out with a $1350 bill. I don't want to go to some new mechanic in a new place. Down payment, anyone? Now the clutch squeaks, but the mechanic says its okay........that remains to be seen. If it continues, it could be the 'slave cylinder' gone bad. Expensive? About $150.

I was able to pick up my last paycheck by signing a note (literally on a stenopad) that I'd return the rest of the stuff on Monday (my computer and my badge....like, what are they going to do with that stupid badge? It has my picture on it, for heaven's sake!) Do they think I would say I still worked for them when I didn't? Trust, oh, yeah, trust. Why do they think I'm leaving, really?

Okay, my internet is being discontinued on the 20th, so this may be my last post for awhile. Perhaps when I do post again, the stress will have turned to actually performing my new job and this moving bit will be finished. How did my kids do this and stay sane? Oh, yeah, they have helpful, loving spouses and are much younger and stronger.

Anxiety, Miracles and Blessings

Wow! The last three days have been full. Here's an account. My friend C and I traveled to my new home (NH)Sunday and ended up in 15 mph/stop and go traffic for over 120 m. We did arrive safely at our motel however, just before the office closed. (We stayed in a small, family owned, cheap lake resort right off the highway.) It was clean and comfortable and met our needs nicely. Blessings!

On Monday we met a realtor, looked at mobile homes, apartments and just tried to find our way around to see where more rentals were. We ate lunch at Dave's Bistro, but Dave wasn't there. Did you know he often buys his pies at Safeway? Outrageous! We only had sandwiches, which were fine. We needed the quiet of the place as I felt I needed to re-center and figure out all that had gone on that morning. We spent an hour or so looking around the main drag's antique mall and met Queenie and family...babe, mom and sis. It was so great! Made me feel like I was 'home'! Baby looks so sweet and is plumping up nicely! :o) Then we looked at more rentals and and 'emergency' places to stay for a month or so if the financing/closing took longer and finally made our way back to the motel. I was frustrated, anxiety ridden and discouraged. I had intended to have an apartment reserved by the end of the day. C encouraged me. We stopped for ice cream. By the end of the day I had put an offer on a really cute manufactured home in a 55-and-older park. The place is immaculate and just right. Having my own little piece of the 'American Dream'? A blessing waiting to happen? It will be a Miracle if all the paperwork goes through in time!

I can't remember if we ate supper! I know that by this time I was having a hard time breathing And eating! My stomach was tied in knots!

We went for a walk along Thompson's trail and got some good, clean fresh air and exercise to let our minds clear out all the cobwebs. The sunset was beautiful. On our walk we saw several great blue herons perched on pilings, a family of five otters frolicking in the water and on the rocks and two harbor seals watching the fishermen nearby. We met a family who had lived there six years and were from Texas (they still had the Texan drawl). He was an engineer working with Tesoro or Shell, and they told us all about the refineries and the herons' rookery near the refineries there. They were so nice and friendly! It felt like another blessing waiting to happen in making good friends. Everyone we met was so friendly!

We returned to our motel and tried to sleep. I was very anxious trying to make sure I got everything done. I slept better (but not that good), but C was up nearly all night with her own anxiety attack. We missed our kitty companions who add levity to our lives.

Tuesday, we packed up, so we could leave after my business was done and we'd had another chance to see a little scenery. I called the local church numbers to see if they might know of temporary housing, but I don't think the numbers in the phone book were valid. I called a couple more rental places. Then, I left paperwork at the new ESD (still need a few pieces), left more paperwork at the school district (forgot to bring my SS card, but can bring it in later), went over the school to introduce myself and got the key to my classroom!!!! (but left it there to have copies made for my assistants,), I met the secretary of the school....an important ally to have...and a sub-assistant/volunteer who said she might have some time to help me set up the classroom....I'm going to need it!!!

We looked at several more apartments, picked up some Sudafed for C, (and a couple of candy bars for later...which I still haven't eaten) and attempted to get a PO Box. Did you know that you need a permanent address to get a po box? Finally, they allowed me to give them a copy of my school district employment acceptance letter. Now I have a po box address! Will send address in email. It was a blessing I brought the needed letter with me! I found an apartment that would serve as a backup if the manufactured home deal fell through. So now I have emergency housing for 1 month, a possible lease for 6 months, and an offer on my own home-to-be! Panic!

Do I have the needed funds in my hand?!?!?!?! NO!!!!!!!! I got a call from our human resources person saying they have my last check, but won't release it to me until I turn in my keys, etc. I still have some work to finish, so I've got to HURRY! HURRY! HURRY!

Then we ate lunch at Erawan. Yum! I finally got a call that the offer on the manufactured home had been accepted, so I signed on. Now to get financing! I am so glad that C was with me as she is very savvy financially, having bought a house of her own and invests wisely.

We wound our way over to the Strait of Juan de Fuca and found several 'pretty rocks' to bring back with us, talking all the while about how to make a 'rock unit' for our kids in school this fall. More fresh sea air, some exercise and sun and we were ready to get a cold drink and head home. By this time is was 4:30 and we figured by the time we got to the big city, most of the heavy traffic would be gone. Thankfully, we were right and we sped home.

On the way home, Barb called and reminded me that her daughter does mortgages, and she thought she could get me a better deal...a miracle in the making?. All the little pieces seem to be coming together, but time is of the essence because my first day of work is the 28th and I have to have my truck packed and be out of here by the 25th!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CB2 please come help! I need you!

Then I got another call from our realtor saying that the seller has okayed me living in the house if the closing is stalled, renting it/prorating. Blessings in the works.

We managed to wind our way through all the construction and get within about 1 1/2 miles of home when we notice that the heat gauge on the dashboard was sky high. MY little car was giving out! Oh! No! It is 11 p.m. We creeped to C's house, parked. The hood was too hot to open. It made a few popping/cooling noises as we unloaded her stuff into her house, my stuff into her car so she could take me home. We had to laugh crazily. I'm so glad she lives just about 1 mile away. Miracles? Blessings? Yes!!!! A hundred times yes! What if this had happened somewhere along the route, or on the island?

But now, I have no idea how much damage I've done to my little faithful car. It does have 155,000 miles on it, but I've been faithful in keeping it serviced, so this concerns me. I was going to take it in tomorrow for some upkeep, but now....oh, woe!

Today, I have to figure out if I can get financing for the manufactured home, send in the missed school district paperwork, figure out some temporary transportation, call the insurance guy, and find financing to get my car fixed. Do I feel like just sitting down and crying....oh yes, yes, yes. But Blessings? Yes, I did get that credit card limit raised. Was it enough? It will help. Will I have money to move, fix my car, find $ for the down payment? Make the loan, pay the closing costs?
Oh, and don't forget that I don't get my last paycheck till I get all the **&%)$ paperwork done and things turned in!

God's timing is perfect....and a Miracle.

Okay, so I finally got to sleep about midnight and woke up 3 times and then at 5 a.m. am not able to sleep anymore. It is now past 6 and I'm going to Curves and work off a little excess anxiety; then I'll come back and face whatever the day may bring.

Is God overseeing my life? Is he bringing me blessings and miracles? Without a doubt I can say YES! I give HIM the praise for pulling this all together and watching over me in love.

PS. I tried to upload some images, but there's an error somewhere, so see email.

Step 3 or 4, and a faster two-step

I'm heading off to find a place to live. I'm going with a good friend who talks too much. I hope it doesn't distract me. I have lots to do when I get there. 1) turn in my teaching certificate app 2) get a PO box 3) turn in school district papers 4) meet with realtor about one interesting manufactured home for sale 5)meet with mortgage banker 6) look at more places to rent...or to buy? Just not sure. I have to have someplace to lay my head by the 25th....with Kitty in tow.

The internet is so great to have an opportunity to see what's available out there, but I'm hoping that there is something better in my price range, perhaps privately owned, rather than by a property management company. Generally I immensely dislike property man. co's; I've not had good success with them in the past. Right now I live in a wonderful little place, privately owned and the landlords are decent.

I still don't have my office paperwork finished and I'm running out of time. I put in my resignation letter finally to be effective the 28th. I hope I get paid for those days inbetween even though we are on break. Director had been giving me angry looks/silent treatment since I told her I was leaving. Coordinator hugged me to wish me well. Then, 2 weeks later, the director comes all friendly and nice-like to ask me how its going..after I turn in my resignation. Sheesh! I see more and more unhealthiness in that organization. I pray my job up there works out and I can stay more than a year! I really may not want to come back here!

House is a disaster; need daughter's help. H E L P!!!! Rising panic. Keep calm. It will all work out. Trust and Faith. Trust and Faith. Trust and Faith.

Trust and Faith

Well, here's what's happening so far. My VISA limit was raised, so I've got funds available to move. My friend's husband, who drives smaller commercial trucks, has agreed to drive and help me unload, my dad sent me some money to help with the move, though I had to listen to his tirades about how to spend it wisely and how unwise I am about money. I've packed up, but not out, my work station (not really a desk, you'd never believe it if you saw it!) at work. I'm still finishing up those files. I have to finish filling out the OHSD paperwork and send it in. I packed out my bathroom; seemed the easiest place to start. I went to the dentist and have two cavities! which have to be filled before I go. My 'moving kit' arrived so, with what friends gave me for my birthday, I have plenty of boxes. Two more friends are coming tomorrow to help me pack up my preschool paraphernalia, which will be a blessing in itself, as I have about 20 large Rubbermaid boxes of curriculum stuff scattered here and there.

I still have to find a place to live, get my WA teaching certificate so I can get paid!

Things are working out, piece by piece. Trust and faith. Every day I learn a little bit more how to lean on God. He works things out. Oh, to trust Him more!

I've also been packing my 'inspiration bulletin board' and saw these quotes that I thought were apropos to the present:

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them and try to follow where they lead." ...Louisa May Alcott

"Most of us build prisons for ourselves and after we occupy them for awhile, we become accustomed to their walls and accept the false premise that we are incarcerated for life. This is a rejection of the faith placed in you by your creator." ...Og Mandio

"Be strong enough to ask for what you want: be wise enough to have the courage to change." ...Mary Anne Radmacher-Hershey

Moving to Menopause, the Musical

In the midst of all my craziness of moving, I took time out to go to Menopause, the Musical. I had so much to do, I almost decided not to go. I am SO GLAD I went! What a 'moving' validation of and hilarious look at what all we women go through! It was definitely a celebration of reaching this new chapter of my life and of those of the women around me! It was the most uplifting thing I've been to for quite awhile! Girls, if you have a mom, take her to this. It will be the best gift you can give her, and worth every dollar! A great cure for depression!

As to the other changes going on: My last day of work was last Friday, though I still have some paperwork to finish. But my attitude has changed. I can actually FINISH and not feel that finishing this part only brings on that much more to accomplish. I'll have a clean slate to start my new job.

Moving from a city I've lived in for 34 years is scarey, and sleep often evades me. I'm not sure where the money will come from to physically make the move,
whether or not my WA teaching certificate will come in quickly so I can get paid, how I will financially make it until I DO get paid again (a couple of months!), where I will find a place to live,
how I will get my things to WA
who will drive the truck
who will help me load and unload.
I have lots of possibilities, but no definites yet. I'm thankful, or so thankful, for generous friends who said they are willing to help me. I certainly will take them up on their offers of help, so they'd better have been serious when they offered.

It is an ethereal experience to go through this change so quickly. Sometimes my head literally spins. Then I know its time to get some rest.

My little boids made it to their southern nest and my other pair of little boids are vacationing in CA. We're all going our own directions. >Sigh<

I'm praying God will keep me grounded through this month and help me be calm and clear thinking each moment and when I start my new job. I'd appreciate any of you praying for me, as well. I do keep all of you in my daily prayers and meditations.

Whoa, head is spinning....................................

Step One and a Two and a...Risk

Well, I've let my workmates and bosses know I'm leaving, I've put in for my Leave of Absence, (no guarantee it will be accepted), got fingerprints and mailed them in, am filling out WA Teacher License application, GOT to get it mailed tomorrow!!!!!!! have begun to make lists: notebook divided into 3 parts (1)work, (2)moving (3) Oak Harbor. Whew! I've spread the word to the families I work with, my church family, my friends.I bought a moving kit, am looking at moving trucks, companies, etc.
It is all a bit overwhelming and I feel in a very weird space.

I've lived in Portland for 35 years (I don't really believe I'm old). I've spent my adult-growing-up years here. New hubby and I moved here as newlyweds, bore and raised our children here, got divorced here, sent our children off to college here, helped them fly off on short jaunts to Mexico and Australia to test their wings. Watched them fly off independently and get married. Wept and laughed with them. Then the nest was empty. They flew back to visit and sometimes stayed awhile to regroup, then migrated away again. Now they are on their own migratory paths. I went back to school and graduated with an M.S. There have been family deaths and sadnesses. I've developed new, true, long-lasting friendships(that I'll dearly miss). I got a cat. I've planted flowers and redecorated my little apartment. And yet, my nest is really, really empty. Oh, sure. I work with children, needy children--and their families, but I'm still alone. I can pretty much do what I want. I've never been able to do that in my whole life. Now my time is here. It is awe-full.

I have come to terms with living life on my own. Sure, sometimes I think it would be nice to have a partner to share enjoyed activities, travel,and sometimes just to drive so I don't have to! But I don't miss having to cook for someone else, clean for someone else, adapt to another's schedule, and most of all have expectations that are not met. When I want to do something, I can just DO IT! I don't need anyone's permission, I don't have to make arrangements with anyone, etc.

And now, I'm taking the biggest step of all. I'm moving out, leaving, the 35-year-old, city nest and moving to a new one. Wow! It is overpowering, frightening, exciting, and makes me smile inside, cry outside, feel all 'flutter-by' with heart palpitations and indigestion! I look forward to this change so much. I so want it to work well and be long term......I think. We can never know for sure what the future holds, can we? We go with what seems right at the time and deal with it. If we're lucky, or if we intellectually problem-solve, are street-smart enough, have money enough and/or if we believe God (or some other god) leads us, we take risks. I'm really not much of a risk taker. This move is BIG for me. I think God is leading me. I don't trust my own instincts anymore. The doors for this move seem to be wide open. So here I go.......risking all that is currently secure for me.

Que Sera, Sera

I can't believe all that's happened in the last month or so.

-helped kids pack in Oak Harbor
-kids stopped here for weekend on their way to the east
-applied for job
-got interview
-GOT JOB!
-ironic that kids just left there and have moved....what is that all about?
-excitement, fear and grief set in
-begin the good-bye process
-cry a little with joy and sadness
-get WA teacher's license
-finish work at this job
-feel overwhelmed with 'finishing' current job in a week
-say goodbye to friends at work
-say goodbye to families I coach at work
-help with VBS this week....shoot! why did I say YES? Why oh Why?
-am moving within a month! I've lived in this city for over 30 years!
-ay,ay,ay! boxes, packing, sell, get rid of STUFF!
-sell junk
-figure out how to move
-find funds to move
-find apartment to live in
-cry a little with joy and sadness
-send up thank yous for/to daughter and her offered help
-say goodbye to newly formed friendship circle at church
-spend time at cheap lakeside cottage to find apartment and 'relax'...yea, right.
-find apartment
-figure out new job
-settle into new job
-say goodbye to Barb...hard; we've been through so much together
-miss kids; Oak Harbor won't be the same
-ask question: What will my future be?
-Answer: "Que Sera, Sera, whatever will be, will be,
The future's not ours to see, Que Sera, sera!'

Waiting

I've waited all week for one pair of my young boyds to get here. It's an important, life-altering time for them, migrating south. Finally they've arrived for a short rest and rejuvenation, reuniting with other boyds before they continue their journey. Now, I'm waiting again, doing very quiet activities while they sleep. They've flown long and hard to get this far! I'm so proud of their strength and courage, their sense of adventure, their persistence and fortitude!

I wait for my other young boyd couple to visit, also. They are visiting others today, will see me tomorrow. It is so fun to be with my little boyds and see how responsible, independent and beautiful they are as mature boyds. Each has their own nest and are thinking about enlarging their own little flocks.

I wait for that, too! I look so forward to being a grandma to the small flock. I try not to hurry the future parents into choosing to start their own little flocks, as I want them to be prepared, as much as possible, for the responsibility it entails. But, oh, oh, oh, how I look forward to that time! Of course, I love babies, anyway. How could I help but Love my own little grandbaby boyds?

Then, today, I wait for the weather to cool. Zowie! It is so HOT! How hot is it? Literally we could fry eggs on the sidewalk! And in this part of the migratory path, that is really unusual. I'm glad I have air conditioning for my little nest.

Speaking of nests: I'm thinking about some changes in that, too. I'm waiting again, as I've applied for a job along the part of the migratory path where my one pair of young boyds has just come from. I love that part of the path. It is beautiful, a small town, clean air, close to the ocean, yet close to lots of big city amenities. So, if I move, and it would be this season, I will be needing a new nest. I've made my current nest so comfortable and become so accustomed to it that it will be hard to leave if I don't find a nice nest at the new place.

I'm excitedly waiting for the opportunity to interview for the job. I think it is something I will really enjoy and will teach lots of little boyds from many different flocks! I'm ready for some changes, I think. I am leaving my future in the hands of the boyd Creator, though. He knows best for me.

Well, I hear my young boyds chirping. Is it time to visit?

Multiple Choice

Eating, eating or eating. Where there's stress, there's me, eating! I know that it is My Choice, yet I just continue to eat and eat and eat. About three years ago I took a class entitled Coronary Health Improvement Project(CHIP). It is basically a plant based diet without refined foods and all that 'wonderful' junk that I love. I did really well; for in one month I lost 7 pounds, my total cholesterol went down 60 points to a 'safe' range and I felt really, really good. I was on my way! Then, more and more often, some old food habits sneaked in, until I had regained my weight, the cholesterol hadn't gone all the way back up.
(Insert chocolate chip cookie here)

A year later I repeated the class and regained my 'control'...ha! I had, by this time, stayed pretty much on the plant based diet, given up meat, all dairy products plus eggs. I felt really good when I kept myself in the regular routine. I really didn't have to give up much in the long run and even found that I enjoyed soy ice cream (although it's still caloric!) I've begun to eat organic foods and I feel better. But, yes, you guessed it, a break in my regular routine and I was back to my old ways: chocolate, caffeine, and lots of refined SUGAR!!!!!!!!!! From sweet cravings to salty ones is an easy gateway. Sugar, really an addiction. Yes, I've read about it, understand it, but can't seem to steer clear of it. What is it about it that I really am choosing NOT to give up?
(Insert soy ice cream here)

Well, by the the third year, I've really made this 'vegan' diet my own and discarded the refined foods in my house. Now I 'only' get them in single servings of vegan foods, but way too many....and many full of sugar, albeit 'healthy sugar'. Somebody help me! The CHIP program came around again, so I decided that not only would I return to the CHIP program, but I would help out with the food demonstrations and be a host. Of course this was all in hopes these things would inspire me and ingrain this eating lifestyle into my being. I do find it helpful with my overall health and with my weight control.
(Insert chocolate chip cookies and soy ice cream here)

At my age, my body doesn't use all the calories I stuff into it. Sugar and fat, 'my drugs of choice.' Crap. I'm just missing something here.
(Insert 'Tings' here)

This week I'm feeling particularly slothful. Can't seem to get out to exercise, though the weather is perfect for walks. I've been eating probably three times the amount I really need to function and the fat rolls just seem to keep coming.

STOP THE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a friend, who over the last year has lost 100 pounds and is exercising regularly. Talk about a hard won battle! She's on her way to winning the war! And looks fantastic! I have so much admiration and respect for all she's done! She's winning a lot of personal battles; even the piles of paperwork on her desk have been disappearing. It seems she's really getting to the core of her issues, and finding ways to overcome them.

And I ask, What is mine? Why can't I overcome this overriding, stuck place that has plagued my life? 'They' say you have to give up and quit trying so hard, give in to it.....give in to good health?

Is food really my most important comfort? What a sick thought. Do I have any self discriminating control? I think I know my issues. I've certainly dealt with them in therapy....over and over and over. Yet they still overwhelm me. Why do I let that happen? What is the basic ingredient for making that lifelong change? Oh yeah, I've heard that 'one day at a time' thing, too. Even the, 'one hour at a time' thing.

Choose one:

a)Stress reliever
b)emotional eating
c)comforter
d)Eating disorder
e) a lifelong habit to overcome
f)sin
g) a,b,c,d
h)all of the above
i)none of the above
(Insert Butterfinger here)

On Vacation

You know, to get OUT OF TOWN is wonderful. I fret and fret about getting everything done before I leave: left over work reports, housecleaning, getting the car tuned up, etc. Of course, I never do get everything done. I don't know why I keep stressing about it. However, I did come to a compromise of sorts, getting most of the high priorities done.

Now, here I am, enjoying being with my son and his wife, while they attempt to keep up with daily living and ready themselves to move 2/3 of the way across the country. Makes me sad. Instead of driving for a few hours to see them, I will need to fly. I hate flying, I get so airsick and the meds just make me lightheaded and woozy. Such is life.

We have been busy this week, yet I've had time to read, watch a little TV (I still haven't figured out exactly how to manipulate the remotes correctly, but I keep pushing the buttons I think I'm supposed to and sometimes I get lucky!

I did some glasswork at the pottery place, keeping a watchful eye over my DIL's dear friend who was in the first stages of labor....and yet continued to paint her pottery pieces! It was distracting, she said.

Then, early in the dark hours before dawn today , her new little daughter was born! The baby is so beautiful and although only hours old, is so alert and wide-eyed, trying to focus on the world around her. Her mom says she is nursing readily and hungrily, so she won't stay 5 lbs for long! New babies are crystal pure miracles for our world. Their new moms have their souls opened to the miracle of all miracles....meeting a new soul with an innocent personality, mind and body, just waiting to be nurtured and loved, given strength and peace to face the good and the bad. I thank my God for babies, for that miracle of birth. Only a new mom can appreciate it. Dads can delight in it, fear it, try to deny it. New moms appreciate it from their inner being. It is hard, awesome work to birth a baby. Congratulations new parents!




The weather is also wonderful A cool ocean breeze cools the air, yet it is definitely summertime here. I would so love to retire here. I'm looking around at some little place, wandering to job opportunity websites. We'll see......

I thank God for all he's allowed me to experience. I am thankful for my children and the beauty, wisdom and knowledge they have brought into my life. Happy Sabbath!

Adults say the darnedest things

An angelic little guy was asked by the camera-holding adult: "How old are you?" Sweetly he held up his hand, grouped his fingers together and said "Two".
Then the adult asked: "And what will you be next year?"Angelic little guy answered:

"A duck."

--from America's Funniest Home Video

Monday This'NThat

The one day I don't have to be anywhere for anyone! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! What a relief! I took a long walk, ah. The days and days and days of rain and cool weather have the flora lush and exaggerated in growth!

My heart breaks for the men who were kidnapped in Iraq. I don't even want to imagine what it must be like for their families and friends. For children and adults everywhere who suffer under tremendously degrading, life-threatening circumstances, I pray that somehow God will bring relief, resolution and peace.

Need to get busy.

I found 5 rolls of perfect wallpaper at the local thrift shop to redo my bathroom! All I need is someone to help me hold up the pieces so I don't wallpaper myself!
I also found the cutest 'cat' toilet brush holder!

Landlord came and is fixing the bathroom fan, broken kitchen drawers, medicine cabinet so that it actually Closes! Wahoo!

Some sun, some sun!

Lilo kitty is upset by the landlord coming in. There she goes: hiding under the bed as usual when she's scared. Okay, I've rousted her out. Oh-oh, she's inspecting the new open drawer spaces, revealing open cabinets to explore.
She thinks: Yea! A new playground!
I think: Oh, great. Cat hair to clean out. I hope she doesn't get stuck!

"Off" Time

What do I do with my time off work?
I still work.
I get more tired.
I plan creative things to do at home;
I never get to them.
I plan to do necessary home chores,
I scarcely do them.
I get stuck on the couch;
Sleeping, eating,
napping, snacking.

I need to move,
Get up and move,
Come on now,
I can do it.
Just do it.
No wait, the eyes are heavy,
the music soft and slow.
Okay, maybe---------later.
ZZzzzz....................

For every...

child I hug,
child I join in play,
mom who needs someone to talk to,
call to child protective services I have to make,

I heal and reveal...
my inner child,
love to my sister,
sorrow to my children,
hope to the parents,
nurturing to the small children.

I pray to God it is enough.

I told myself I'd Never....

shop for tiny baby things for grandchildren I may possibly have in the future! However...I found two NEW items for nearly nothing at the local favorite thrift store and could not resist. Now granted, these things may not be wanted by the future parents. After much inner argument, I bought the prettiest pink-with-darker-pink-rosebuds fitted crib sheet I've seen. If I have no 'girl' grandbabies, I'll send it on to someone who needs it. I also found a Christian Dior newborn WHITE, hooded layette sak that would be perfect for leaving the hospital, or baby's first morning at church, or an early baby dedication. It is so soft and beautiful.....good for a girl or a boy! Of course, I'll add these items to the blue elephant toy collection. And....I even passed up buying a very beautiful, large, blue elephant when shopping yesterday! So, I can say 'no'... sometimes!

Two wonderful items:

Overheard:

Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

Weekend Relief but not Retirement

Well, well, well. I made it through the week. Got the many meetings accomplished, necessary paperwork done, and attended the semi-parties on Friday. You know, those dull office parties where people retire, some people leave, and the rest are just so tired they want all the talking to STOP!!! And of course, in the back of minds is the nagging thought that the 'end of year' paperwork needs to be turned in by 5 p.m.

Well, I gave up that hope of a clean finish/break a few years ago when I realized the world didn't end, the secretary was gone by 4 p.m., and that she didn't get the info to the boss till the next week anyhow. People get so stressed about some things that don't matter.

Now I must admit I do have some lingering anxiety/worry that I Do need to complete the stuff by the end of next week, but I have a bit less hectic schedule..I only work 3 days! A bit self-imposed, but hopefully a few more dollars, too. Then I can salvage 2 weeks 'vacation' for getting my hair cut, doing the annual dr. appts, and a bit of mall browsing. Then I'll get out of town to help S and DIL pack to move....boohoo, so far away! I also anticipate getting back on my daily walking/exercising regimen that has sadly diminished over the last 6 weeks.

Today, I opted out of going to church, choosing instead to stay in my bathrobe till noon and then maybe, oh, I don't know; take a nap? Then I think I'll shower, dress and find a friend to go out to eat.

Today is the big parade day downtown. I'll stay up late and watch the rerun most likely. Not like the 'real thing', but better views of the floats and less people to contend with.....which I've had enough of for awhile!

It's another of those 'change' points, as well, for me to deal with personally. Even though, as I mentioned up top, that recognition events for those retiring/leaving leave me bored and sleepy; this one made me a little sappy, since I'd learned a lot from the lady....and she's younger than me!!!!!!!!!!!

She did make sense when she talked about how we work our whole lives looking forward to retirement and then when we get there, we say, 'Hey, what a minute! What the heck am I supposed to do? Or........'Oh great, I need to take care of my parents!' of course, she is a conscientious type and is a care-full helper to all.

The point is, I'm disgusted with myself for not planning to retire....or at least be able to have the option of cutting back on the fast pace of the work-a-day world. Oh, I know, the young ones will think I'm losing it......well, slowly I am, but am glad to take a step back and let them come up to take on the challenges. Let me sit back, laugh more, enjoy the antics of the world passing by, rock more babies, hug more, and just 'be.'

And for now......I think I'll take that ...Ho-Hum..............nap.

Stress and Blogging

I've had many topics in mind for blogging, writing them as I drive or walk: my love affair with nature (I'd just read a racey novel and thougts of interesting metaphors made me laugh), the pets in our lives, the priorities of life, eating obsessions, empty nests, etc., none of which would be interesting to publish.

Work has kept me frantically busy and stressed out; constructive work and blogging has not been a part of that. Today, in fact, I need to do Work on my computer and get household chores done (like laundry, so I have clothes to wear next week!). I'm nervously checking my favorite blogs, surfing. Now it's time to get down to the work business. My formal last day before June break is June 9. I hope to have time for some blog reflection after that.

I just read an article in AARP about those over 50 doing more and more blogging. I want to check out a bunch of the blogs they suggested, maybe revising mine, as my kids have done to theirs.

summer memories

Picnics in the "Bullpen": that's what my dad labeled our enclosed (6 ft high basketweave fenced) patio with picnic table and bar-b-que. I think I know why he labeled it the 'bullpen' now. There was a lot of B.S. shared there!

On late summer evenings, often after mom had canned fruit over a hot stove all day, she'd fix a big salad, maybe some oven-fried potatoes and dad would fire up (I did it when I got older...and my sister enjoyed lighting it!) the bbq with steaks or hamburgers. I don't remember doing chicken or fish. Iced tea, koolaid for the kids, beer for the adults. Often we had these 7-layer bars for dessert or made homemade ice cream. Mmmm. Those were delicious meals. These evenings were usually spent with neighbors or my mother's friends. I don't remember dad inviting anyone. After the meal, if extra kids were there, we might take our homemade skateboards to the sidwalk around the neighborhood church until dark. It sloped downward and we'd see if we could stay on the skateboard around the 90 degree cornered sidewalk. You have to understand that these skateboards were made with old metal skates that clamped onto your shoes. We'd use the wheel bases and attach a board on top (much smaller and simpler than what is available today).We'd have sanded and painted the boards ourselves, but it must have been dad that helped us put the thing together. I really don't remember. If we didn't skateboard, we played croquet and then tiring of that at dark, we would play badminton on the front lawn from the light of a bright yard light. If the birdie got stuck in the giant spruce tree, we'd conjure up all kinds of ways to attempt its retrieval. In the end, we'd talk an adult into getting the long ladder out to help us. (But that was last resort, as they were never happy to be interrupted!) We'd play as the adults visited. Then we'd collapse on the cool grass before the mosquitoes ate us up. Sometimes the visiting was taken indoors and then us kids would head to the wrap around, enclosed front porch and play ping-pong on the table dad had made for us. Those were good times. Despite the haranging verbal abuse at other times, these were short interludes of peace and 'normal' social interaction.

I remember mom working so hard to make it nice for dad and he was never satisfied, always complaining about one thing or another. No wonder she died young.

We had a wonderful yard. As in my previous blog, it was well cared for by dad. Work, that's all dad did. That's all he knew how to do....that and curse life. He'd wish himself dead, others dead. But somehow he loved nature. It gave him peace from whatever tortured his soul. The one positive thing I learned from him was that love of nature. He took care of our yard with flowers and grass and that patio. He put up a swing set and slide in the back yard when we were smaller and then dug the post holes for the badminton net when we were older. He fixed up the front porch with pegboard to hold our 'sports' equipment, while the other end of the porch had been arranged to be a 'playhouse' for dolls, etc. He'd made a doll closet and buffet, we'd received a miniature stove, sink and fridge for Christmas one year. He'd made me a doll cradle when I was very small and my sister had received doll bunkbeds at one Christmas. We had a couple of dollhouses on benches that we could play with. One was an old one we could re-wallpaper and put down scraps for flooring, carpet and curtains. I attempted cutting fabric scraps to make tiny clothing for the tiny dolls for those dolhouses. Later I tried to cut and sew, by hand, a few things for larger baby dolls and later for a teenage doll.....not a Barbie.

Our bikes were also kept inside on the front porch. Those bikes, purchased in the 1960's still looked like new in the '80's. My sister still has hers. I kick myself for selling mine at a garage sale when I had babies. My most freeing memories are of the summer evenings I'd take off on my bike and ride for a couple of hours, stopping to visit a friend or two (my parents never wanted me to do that!), riding through the cemetary to stop and look at old headstones, riding past some cute boy's house to see if he'd be there. Sometimes my dog would follow and if my sister and I rode together, we'd either have to take him back home or rescue him from trying to 'beat up' larger dogs. Biking kept my sister and I sane, as we could escape the arguing and fighting that was a constant in our home. We'd be gone long enough that dad would have gone to bed or collapsed in front of the TV with a beer. We could sneak through and run to our bedrooms for peace. Once in awhile mom made us wash piles and piles of dirty dishes and clean the kitchen, but at least we were left alone to complain to ourselves and each other about how much work our parents made us do. (Doesn't every child do this?)

If you get through this blog, I might write more another time!

A Mental Health Day

Okay, by now you know I'm more of a melancholy-type personality. Today was a 'sick' day from work for me.....a personal mental health day of sorts. The overall stress of the year is getting to me, along with the unseasonably hot days. We've had 'August' weather and I'm not ready for it in May.

My good intentions of walking more and more to practice for walking a half marathon in October (I know it's not much for most people) have gone awry. I suppose my hormonal balance is way off, too, because all I want to do is sleep on the couch, munch salty crunchies and supplement that with Starbuck's Java Chip ice cream. I supplement that with a salad or my oatmeal and toast. That's healthy, right?

My weekend trip to visit with my all-grown-up kids made me feel so very happy for them. I love them all so much and am so proud of their determination to be happy with their spouses and themselves from the inside out. Keep on truckin, kids!

It's somewhat nostalgic for me to watch them, as at my age, I ache over being young, full of energy and hope for the future ....and afraid of the sorrows of life that will inevitably come to them. I pray they will find comfort and support during those times and if I'm of able body and mind, will be able to give it to them!

Advice: Plan ahead: W---a---y ahead! Its worth it to save money for college and retirement when you've just started living an independent life!

Question for the day: Why does love hurt?

It's been awhile...

since I last blogged. As I drive around (I do that a lot as part of my job)I often write blogs in my head, but then can't remember them when I have time to sit at the 'puter. I have been thinking of vignettes of my childhood and how differently things were done 50 years ago. I thought I'd write a few now and then as new generations may be interested later (in 50 more years).

For example, we lived in an old victorian house, built in 1911. The yard was a mess, so my dad would come home from doing hard physical labor 'throwing boards' at the lumber mill for 12 hours and work for a couple more hours, until dark (way before daylight savings time!), to landscape. Now, you might think this was for a home we owned, but no, it was for a rental. Dad was appreciative of a nice place to live and was obsessive with making things look presentable to neighbors. Now there is a downside to all this work, but perhaps I'll go into that later.

We lived in high mountain desert country. So one of the things we did many times, was to take supper, (sometimes bread/butter sandwiches, potato chips and water) to the desert to collect large flat sandstone rocks to stand on edge around the lawn. We made trip after trip. Not in a car, but in one of the flatbed lumber trucks my dad borrowed. Seat belts were unheard of; we bounced over pot holes on fine, sandy, dusty roads, windows rolled all the way down, enjoying the breeze, despite the dust. Only the dog got to ride in the back of the flatbed, tied to a leash (that he almost choked on once), but that doesn't mean my sis and I didn't wish we could be back with the dog!

As to the lumber truck borrowed, dad and his brothers owned the sawmill. It was a complete process business, from cutting the logs, hauling them to the mill, preparing the lumber and selling it and other home hardware/paint, etc., at their store. No middlemen! Yes, they burned the slack from all this manufacturing in a large cone-shaped burner, sending clouds of ash and pollutants into the valleys' air...until those burners were banned everywhere in the '70's.

My sister and I ran around in the desert, helped watch over the dog, and worried about getting 'ticks' on us or finding a rattlesnake. Usually it was my sister the ticks liked most; I always wondered why, but mosquitoes and other insects bothered her more than me...I probably have some 'bad' smell for the little buggers. We never saw a rattlesnake. If we were lucky, we'd find a piece of an old Indian arrowhead or a piece of flint. We also helped load smaller pieces of rock or added our childish energy and heft to helping lift some of the rocks onto the flatbed. Sometimes our 'station' would be to stay on the flatbed and push the rocks toward the front center of the bed. Of course, dad would end up having to help us, as we weren't strong enough for the job. I'm sure those rocks weighed up to 50 lbs and were up to 2 ft. in diameter.

When our lawn was complete, I thought it looked beautiful with the lush, green grass and clover framed by the sandy stones. (And we all worked hard supplying the water to that lawn!) My dreams sometimes saw our house framed with a picket fence, but that was my preference. Of course, I never shared my preferences for, as children, we were never asked what we liked or thought might be a good idea. We were to learn from our elders and have no original thoughts of our own, as they were considered as erroneous silliness that would only come from thoughtless children. (This erroneous thought pattern has led me to honor children as precious treasures now).

Spring, here, reminds me of the lilacs we had in that yard. We had lavender ones, deep violet ones and white ones. For the first few years, my dad kept mowing over the white lilacs until he finally let them grow. The deep violet ones were precious, as the tree seemed frail and sensitive. The lavender ones were prolific and we loved to pick them all and put in vases or just play with them in our playhouses (blanket houses) or in our mud pies. I was into decorating the 'pies' more than getting 'dirty' with all the mud. As I remember, my sister loved the mud making. Maybe that's played out today with her fantastic artistic ability with clays.

Lilacs have always been a favorite flower of mine. I've planted one here and visit local lilac gardens whenever possible. They are one symbol of what was good and pleasant in my childhood, of times spent thinking my own thoughts, playing my own games, growing my 'self'. My fantasy with lilacs was intensified by reading Louisa Mae Alcott's book "Under the Lilacs" in which children were championed and life was idyllic in the end.

Does this spawn your own memories?

Mirror, Mirror on the Floor, Who's the Fairest Cat of All?

Okay, I'm still laughing about this one. I was enjoying the quiteness of a Sunday morning, reading a magazine, when I heard this atrocious revving up sound.....like a small motor wheel. So I put down the magazine and there is Lilo, tail and back totally fluffed, in total defense/offense position, growling this deep throaty growl, nearly foaming at the mouth at another cat: Her OWN REFLECTION! I had set a large mirror on the floor in readiness to hang it on the wall above the mantle. I have a full length mirror on the hall door, but she never recognized herself in there, before. Being an indoor cat; she'd had no intruders!

I slowly went over to her, reassuring her it was alright. She backed down a bit allowing me to get into the picture of the mirror and then petting her. As soon as I was gone, she was back guarding her territory from the 'new' cat! Then she reached out a paw toward the reflection, drew it back suddenly and turned her head sideways, as if to say, 'huh?....wait a minute." She 'depuffed' and sat there staring at her reflection. Tiring of the stare-down, she started to move away and noticed the 'other cat' was following her, so she returned and positioned herself, growling again in the fight stance. Hilarious!!!!!!!! I didn't have my camera close enough to get a picture without interrupting the scene, but I will attempt one.....makes me want to keep the mirror on the floor for entertainment!

Inspired by Family Pictures

Christmas Cat Lilo

Lilo in her new Cat Tree

Oh, How Long They've Waited!

'Da Plane, 'Da Plane!

Trolling

Metaphor for my life, this.

Went on my walk today. Seems everyone was trolling.

Lots of people were trolling for sunshine. Fishing boats were lined up across the river trolling for fish. It is definitely fishing season here! The carp were flip-flopping in the marsh....and the herons were trolling for them!

I took off my sweatshirt and let the sunshine troll along my arms. I felt its heat penetrate my hair. The smells of spring full blown trolled through my olefactory system (Sure glad I'm taking allergy meds so I can enjoy it!)

Yesterday I trolled for a new job.

Then I trolled the internet looking for possible housing, churches, places to exercise. There were trolling places for lots of winter and summer outdoor activities.

Now I'm trolling for emotional stability as the feelings for the possibility of change take place. Change....I've written of that before. It brings, fear, hope, worry, new possibilities. Growth.

When I arrived home from my walk, the UPS guy was trolling for a safe place to stash a large box on my small porch. He was very glad when I told him it would be okay!

Trolling.

I'm going to now troll through my mess and ready myself for the Sabbath and work next week.

Nature Notes

It is a gray, grey overcast, rainy, dreary day, but I went walking anyway.

Noted:
No squirrels
flocks of robins
fewer crows
sparrows
a few seagulls
Mr. Bald Eagle
Great Bllue Herons
Mr. and Mrs. Mallard
Mr and Mrs. Woodduck
Breeding American Goldfinches (3-5 m and f!)
1 Northern Flicker
small flock of bushtits (I think)
yellow, white daffodils in full bloom
pink, white flowering cherry, crabapple and plum trees
the beginnings of 'petal snow'
pink 'tulip' (magnolia) trees
fuschia pink, lavendar azaleas
pink, white, red camelias
some other miniature pink-clustered flowers on leafless bushes
snowdrops
purple violets
wild trillium
wet green grass
trees that seemed to turn greener in the 1 1/2 hours I walked!
Rain that stopped falling an hour into my walk.

Honor

This is the second week of my long spring break, and as usual, I am disappointed with myself for not having accomplished anything worthwhile the first week and now have only one week left to get too many projects accomplished. (And already it is 9 a.m. and I'm not exercised, dressed, etc.) Originally I had imagined myself catching up on my work-work the first week and then happily doing many home projects the second week. It didn't work out that way. Too many naps, cancelled home appointments, impulsive window-shopping (that took too much time!) and finally, by Thursday, just worn out from trying to try. Honor leisure. Honor work.

My kids visited over the weekend. We had a short visit on Sunday to celebrate their birthdays. The restaurant was so very, very generous in giving us desserts! What a happy surprise! Honor neighbors and patrons.

It left me happy to have been with all of them briefly, but determined to figure out better ways of visiting with them than over food and shopping. Not that I don't Love to Eat and Shop, but it just isn't a good way to catch up on news and really build our relationships. I really enjoy times I've spent with them over weekends as we get to know each other's routines, likes and dislikes, fears, hopes, plans, etc. I guess this could be another part of the 'empty nest' syndrome, as my children move into such independence in their own lives and I live out my own. I don't want to interfere in their lives too much by visiting too often. I like my own space and time to crash when I'm working so hard (as I'm sure they like theirs), but I would like to get together with them more. I hate driving through the heavy traffic or for such a long time, but I need to get over it. I am blessed to have had them so close for so long. Honor my children.

Having children, raising them, and then watching them 'go off into the sunset' is an experience like no other. With my S having just come back from military duty, I'm sure he'd say his experience was like no other, as well. I guess all of our life experiences are 'like no other'. But, back to children. Many of my friends' children are having babies just now. How much I fear for these new families. I guess being older, looking back at my own naivite, makes me shudder with what I know now. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't know so much then. On the other hand, I probably would have been a much better parent and been able to nurture my little ones without putting so many of my own emotions on them. Well, they're surivors and seem to be thriving. I really do want each of them to Thrive mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, socially, and.....financially. I'm still learning all that. I guess it is a part of that 'sanctification process'. It takes us a lifetime to figure out life....and then, do we ever? Honor children. Honor parents. Honor family units.

Sunday morning I took my long walk along my favorite 'nature' trail. I saw a mama raccoon and two little ones sleeping high in a tree; such big and little furry lumps. I saw a bald eagle surveying his dominion. The Great Blue Herons were numerous, standing 'guard'. Those walks calm my soul. I am thankful for them. Honor Nature.

I found a sped prek job in CO available. It makes me wonder whether this is the time I need to move to CO to care for my father. Yet, it makes me depressed thinking about it, so I've tried to analyze why. First, it is dad! He is so crazy. Secondly, the thought of pulling up roots and starting over yet again, is overwhelming to me. I'm getting far too old to see 'adventure' in change. I am capable of doing it, but do I really want to at this time? I try to imagine myself in that new place with new job, living space, etc., but just can't feel comfortable with it. I am disgruntled with my job requirements here and wonder whether another job's requirements might be a nice change for me. Am I afraid I would fail? Yes. Deep inside maybe I'm kidding myself that I could do this job outside the place I am now. They 'put up with me'. Once you've been there awhile, they just don't fire you no matter how bad an employee you are....(well, unless you look at porn on the internet....as one guy found out! I suppose there's a few in every crowd.) Honor my abilities. Honor change.

Honor. Yes, honor. My D and I had a really good discussion about it this weekend.....now That was quality time. I'd like more of that! I'm trying to honor my dad. I feel sorry for the 'old coot' of a father I have, in that he is a very lonely, regretful old man, but has made his own bed and now he's lying in it. But I know how it is to be lonely and I don't wish that on anyone. Plus, he did provide a good, physical environment for me, even though emotionally, it was a roller coaster that flew off the track at times. He has both good and bad points.

My sister, how do I honor her? She has cut off communication with me, but still talks with D.

My mother....gone. Did I honor her?

My dad, crazy. Honor him? Humph.

Me, divorced, alone,
recognizing my aloneness, but not willing to share my life with anyone, as it takes so much compromise, trust. I don't have enough hope that there is any man out there I could trust to honor me, and perhaps I could never honor any man. That sounds really awful. Honor myself? Honor a man? Honor aloneness.

Learning to Honor a God I can't see, touch or hear is something I've learned over time, but I still don't trust Him completely, as I try to control my own life, to keep it from spinning out of control. Honor and trust workk together. I am a control freak and work hard at Not being one. That really shows control! :o) Honor God.

Okay, I've decided to go take another walk even if it does take a lot of time. Maybe the rest of my day will fall into place. Honor time.

Choice.
Trust.
Letting go.
Honor.

Walk...Rest...Walk...Rest...Walk....

Finally, a walk in the sunshine without the busyness of the day hanging over my head. I'm on Spring Break! YEA!!!!!!!!!
The clouds have finally separated to allow the warmer spring blue appear. Spring has begun in earnest. The daffodils are in full bloom, along with other yellow ground flowers. The birds are orchestrating an entire symphony accompanied by the frogs. I saw a bird in flight with an incredible wing span. It was close enough for me to know it wasn't a bald eagle, but it looked more like an eagle, but blotchy brown. After looking in my bird books, I think it was an immature bald eagle. Amazing. The robins vied with me for their space, the squirrels looked at me curiously from their nearby tree perches, not even scampering away. The Great Blue Herons were standing guard in the marsh; each one solitary. yet with others within calling distance. The geese were all there, as were the ducks. The crows tried to fight with the hawks over territory, trying to chase them in the air, but to no avail. A few starlings stumbled in the grass, but the focus was on the songbird symphony, the chorus and accompaniment.

It's good to start walking again. I haven't for awhile, and I'm really out of shape again.

A new twist: I've acquired my asthma symptoms again. Last night I had a more acute coughing, short of breath episode. I don't know what brought it on. It calmed after I used my inhaler and took an allergy pill. This morning I took an alllergy pill before I went walking. I could breathe pretty well, but still have that chest congestion and short of breath thing going on. I have a dr.s appt this week, so I'll ask her about it. I can hear the results already. "Well, you have some lung congestion, so here's a prescription....and if that doesn't work, come back.....blah, blah, blah." Finally, "take two aspirin and call me in the morning."

I'm going over to see B's baby today, I hope. I haven't seen her in a week or so; will take another picture!

Then, I think I'll go look at new washing machines at the discount place and see if I can afford one of them. Maybe that will calm my neighbor who thinks my old machine makes too much noise for her to be happy. So I try to tiptoe around doing my laundry when I see her car is gone....which is about the same time mine is gone most of the time, since her work schedule seems similar to mine. It is frustrating....for both of us, I suppose. She suggested I do my laundry elsewhere, but I'm not about to pay to do my laundry when I finally have a machine of my own, even if it is old and noisy! (The funny part is that I can't hear it at all in my place! ...The machine is in the basement.)

Over spring break I have a whole list of things I want to get done. Here's to accomplishment and some time for myself! At least if I go in to the office to catch up on paperwork, I've got a different paradigm: I catch up on my work among my home projects, rather than doing home projects sandwiched into the work projects!

I've walked so much I have a headache. Must lie down......rest.......ahhhhhhh.

NEWS! Changes, Spring Break!

Well, the winter doldrums are over and though it is still raining, the daffodils are blooming and there is a promise of sunshine soon to come.

I made myself drive out of town; welcomed my sailor-son home (I'm so thankful he's back!)I don't think my DIL could have waited another SECOND!!!! Congratulations go to my D and SIL on the new job changes. It was SO VERY, VERY good to get with family again. They keep me grounded and sane about who I am.

Today is the next to last day of work until spring break! I have one more kid/parent meeting later this afternoon and then I can collapse at home before heading back to work at the office on Friday: dutifully fulfill my place at meetings, make a few phone calls to prep for April and be done with it for awhile....well, you know a teacher's work is never, never really done. I do plan to do some home visits and play catch up next week, but it will be on my own time schedule. I will work it in around some home projects as top priority for a change. And if the sun shines! HAH! Work will have to wait.

Our team's SLP had her baby a short time ago and my hairdresser went into labor yesterday, which made me have to reschedule my h/c appt. Wouldn't you know?! When I made the appt., I asked her about it being so close to her due date, but nah, she said it was fine.....yeah, right. I do wish her the best and will find out next week how it all went.

Back to my 'children'. I'm so impressed by the way they are handling their lives. Their experiences are exciting to hear and observe. I'm excited for SIL's new job that will give him new challenges and help them finance the rest of their remodeling projects the way they really want to do them. I'm so very thankful that my son chose DIL as his wife.....they make a great couple and are so happy to be together again! Whew! and double WHEW! My D is so quiet, I miss hearing from her, but when I do catch up, it's so great! My cup is full for awhile till I need a refill.

I look forward to time off.

Are you watching "American Idol"? I switch back and forth to it. I'll bet the rocker wins. There hasn't been a rocker yet. Don't you think it really is all 'conspired' ahead of time?

Latest quote for the day: "When you're feeling blue...................Breathe!"

One of my little home visit people called me 'gam-ma' today and the mom just hooted! I feel both positive and negative about the name......it means I'm getting OLD, but also that I've gained some beauty and wisdom to meet the criteria. From the 'little person's' point of view, it was probably the OLD part s/he observed!