growing Up

I am astounded at how fast my grandchildren are growing up. When we were all together at Thanksgiving for the first time in 4 years, it was amazing to see them interact. Even though I work with preschoolers on a weekly basis, my grand'babies' are the most amazing, intelligent, and loving children I know! I love them so much...and miss the day to day growth points of new language learning, cognitive 'ah-has', dramatic play, (and believe me, they are Dramatic!) and physical coordination development. Plus, I miss their loving hugs! O hugged the computer yesterday, giving 'me' a hug.....sniff, sniff.

Fortunately, in this day and age, we have Skype. Today I played 'go-fish' with Oliver over Skype. My dear Caryn helped hold 'my' hand of cards and keep the game organized. O is like the proverbial little sponge as he learns. He didn't always recognize the numerals on the cards, but could count the objects on each card to know how many were there and at the end, figured out that I had won because I had more 'books'. Amazing for a 4 1/2 year old, compared to the kids I work with in special education.

I am so proud of my children and grandchildren! My children have made beautiful lives of their own. I know they struggle with their inner and outer challenges, but if they could see themselves from my perspective, they would be proud of their accomplishments and daily lives. They are down-to-earth, have common sense, and yet are very intellectual, politically savvy, and continue to strive toward being good parents and citizens here on earth and in preparation for their heavenly home. I wonder if they really know how much I love them....and miss them?

Which symbolically moves me to consider how much more God longs to have me with him, more than I long to be with my family and feel their hugs. All I can do is ask for His forgiveness for my conscious and unconscious wandering away from Him, my Creator and Guide. My Creator, who gave his life for me and gave me my children and grandchildren; who waits patiently for me to love Him back. Am I growing Up?

Word(s) to Live By

Listening to KLOVE radio a year ago, I heard them discussing New Year's resolutions and that many were choosing a 'word' to focus on for the new year. After considering this, I looked for a word, too. What I came up with was "Accountability". Now, at first, my main focus was for financial accountability as I had 'upside down finances'. A year later, I am doing better in that regard, so that focus did help me. But focusing on the word 'accountability' became much more than 'financial accountability'. I realized it also meant living my life without regrets, living to account for every precious moment. I almost considered taking that word again this year, but then reasoned that a new word would add some new dimension to my life and perhaps even to the definition of 'accountability'.

This New Year, I was anxious about many things and suddenly 'my word' came to me: Reassurance. On first thought, this was mainly to focus me on being reassuring to my dad and not trying to 'help' or 'fix' him when obviously he does not want to be helped or fixed. I am a 'helper' at heart and it is hard for me to step back and let others figure out how to help themselves.

As it turns out, I need reassurance in many aspects of my own life. At work, I need reassurance from letting anxiety and stress overwhelm me. Personally I need reassurance that my social life (or lack thereof) is Okay and can be teaching me something, or just allowing me to renew. Financially, reassurance can allow me to take a deep breath to deal with the next bill. Spiritually, I began to wake up singing "Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine." I do believe He put that in my mind to reassure me He is with me for each moment of the day.

And yes, I'm learning to respond, not only to my dad, but to others with more 'reassurance' and less sarcasm, argument or condemnation. Believe me, I am only beginning this process.

We're all stressed and anxious in a million different ways. Jesus is my Reassurance and He holds me accountable....He's yours, too!