I had the Tribunal meeting and I'm still 'surviving', but I don't know for how long. I just can't seem to get a handle on my life here. I think I may have to declare bankruptcy. I cannot seem to keep from going in the hole every single month. This month, though I really tried and even had the IRS kickback, I am still in the hole. I am so bad.
And, yes, that is what the tribunal decided, I am bad because I have a bad attitude and they want to nip this negativity in the bud so that 3-5 years down the road (I'm glad they said that, I'm hoping it means they won't can me), they don't have a really negative teacher on their hands to deal with. In the district representative's words, "Even though you may be Miss Merry Sunshine in the classroom, whenever we've met in the hallway and I've asked you how you are doing, you give me so many negatives. I have to pull the positives from you, but you finally do come up with several of them. You seem to look at the glass half-full. Your attitude seems to be, 'You against the world.' We've given you more (materials and support) than any of our other first year teachers." (Oh really? Why me? And if that's all you give....)
Now, the person who said this declared in front of all the new teachers several times this year that we could trust her and she wanted us to tell her how things really were and how we needed support. It was concluded that I have a bad attitude and don't seem to have good communication skills within the school community. So now I keep my mouth shut and smile. When asked how things are going, I say, "Fine!" and I smile and keep walking.....like I'm really too busy to talk, while all the time I am biting my tongue. Is that playing their game?
Whoa! What a gut check that is! And yes, I do tend to have "a glass half-empty" look at life and personality-type. I am not a Pollyanna or a "Miss Merry Sunshine." My son says I'm a warrior. I think I'm getting old and tired, about to fall off my horse. Yes, I've concluded that I do have a bad attitude about the school district and about this place in general. I've tried to put it aside and enjoy the good things here, namely my dear daughter, hubby and my precious, dear grandson.
But maybe this is not the place for me. Really, people here seem crazy (Maybe its all those half-buried, leaky gas bombs in Umatilla and the Hanford-rays.) The school psychologist on our team talked about how many of the families we work with have bipolar & ADHD problems. In their cycles, the winter months are depressive and spring makes them manic. Well, I think even the school psychologist is that way! Every time I ask her a question lately, she seems to hyperventilate and just says to ask someone else.
So besides that overshadowing my work, within the last 24 hours here are two incidents that are part of my daily work:
I had a mom blow her top, because her medically fragile son arrived home with a high fever from getting overheated on the bus. She said we didn't care about her son at all and that she didn't see why there couldn't be air conditioning on the buses! (Actually, since it is so hot here, I'm surprised the district doesn't have air conditioned buses, but who am I to raise that expensive question!) She doesn't seem to have the resources for any other transportation for her son to come to school and our school nurse deemed the kid well enough to ride the special ed bus with the rest of the little buggers in my class with all their myriad of problems, including overheating causing seizures. After talking to our school nurse, they had worked out a good solution, providing him with an ice pack around his neck & removing his helmet (duh). He is not allowed to drink or eat by mouth as he has a feeding tube and other issues, so that doesn't help his body temperature stay level.
Then, today I had an IEP meeting with a dad and his mom (grandma) to a little guy in my class. The little guy is making progress, but it is hampered by the mom and dad's separation issues and his living mostly with his mother who is not the most nurturing parent in the world. The kid comes to school with shoes that are 2 sizes too big (he still gets PT for motor problems), and pants at 18 month size. (I'd say he probably wears a 4T.) Recently he came with poop dried in his hair. Another day, he came with poop in his cuticles and under his finger nails. Besides that wonderful aroma, he smells of old thick cigarette(?) smoke and like he hasn't even had his body wiped off for a week. Of course he's in diapers. We end up giving him a 'bath' with diaper wipes almost every day. When he had poop in his hair, we actually took him to the bathroom and washed his hair with detergent!
Anyway, the mom never showed for the meeting, of course. She always has some excuse for why things happen. But it is easy to see through them to see they stem from a lack of care for her kid. As we talked about the little guy in our meeting today, the dad really worked hard at keeping it together in front of us. His mom and I were both well aware of his fragility and I could see the pain in the grandma's eyes for her son. Her son (the little guy's dad) probably has had some bad experiences in special ed as well, from the looks of him, but he seems like a nice guy and is really trying to do what's right for him and his son. The grandma seemed very with it, which always makes me question what history she and her own son have.
Tragedy and bleak outlooks. All too common in my world of special education. These are just today's episodes on the surface.
Oh, and did I tell you my debit card was rejected at Walmart?! Talk about humiliation!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of my good friends from OR called last evening to tell me she got canned from her teaching job! I was heartsick for her. She is such an outstanding teacher, advocate for families, mom, grandma, friend, inspiration. I'd trust my life to her! A new friend here in the WW district said she got canned from her teaching job and told she could quit or take another position that she didn't really like and was not all that well qualified for. She needs the $$. She is taking the job.
Okay, good things that have happened today (I must do this, you see): Oliver said, "Aaaooh" to me on the phone today. There is sunshine (too hot for me...oops there I go again!), but sunshine, nonetheless. The speech therapist and I had a good visit and our team celebrated her birthday with brownies (and I only ate one (big) one). I got caught up on some paperwork. My assistant actually prepared a bunch of great art projects for us for next week. My other assistant brought us laughs (she's a good story teller). I still have my job (I guess that's good for now.) There are only 4 more weeks of school left! Today is Friday and I do thank God that tomorrow is Sabbath! I can take a deep breath before beginning another whirlwind week!
If you have any rich relatives/friends who are wanting to unload some cash, send them my way!
