A Good Read

I've been reading Alan Alda's "never have your dog stuffed" about his life experiences. His wit and humor come through on every page! There were a few passages I found hit a home cord with my own study and experiences. The guy definitely looks at things from a different point of view and is brilliant! I quote here from pages 160-161:

"When I started out as an actor, I thought 'Here's what I have to say; how shall I say it?' On M*A*S*H, I began to understand that what I do in the scene is not as important as what happens between me and the other person. And listening is what lets it happen. It's almost always the other person who causes you to say what you say next. You don't have to figure out how you'll say it. You have to listen so simply, so innocently, that the other person brings about a change in you that 'makes' you say it and informs the way you say it.
"The difference between listening and pretending to listen, I discovered, is enormous. One is fluid, the other is rigid. One is alive, the other is stuffed. Eventually, I found a radical way of thinking about listening. Real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you. When I'm willing to let them change me, something happens between us that's more interesting than a pair of dueling monologues. Like so much of what I learned in the theater, this turned out to be how life works, too."

And then, when he was doing the "Scientific American Frontiers" series, he learned a lot about how the brain works and why he had reactions to things in life that reminded him of his relationship/nonrelationship with his mother who was mentally ill with schizophrenia. He began to understand her reactions to life and learned a few things about himself as well. He also gained knowledge and understanding of, as he termed it, 'the madness of dreams'. It's too long to quote here in full but here's a bit of it. Pages 188-190 describe what he learned about the brain and dreams. Here is a summary from page 189-190:

"The amygdala, the part of the brain that is so important to registering emotions and is crucial in laying down longlasting memories, is also active in dreaming."

This next part is a quote he took from a copy of "Nature":

"This is relevant for our understanding of the heightened emotions--especially the feelings of anxiety, anger and elation--that so commonly dictate the development of the dream plot...An abnormal sensitivity to dopamine is thought to mediate psychosis and its unmodulated action in REM may contribute to the madness of dreams."

He talks about how his dreams are so vivid; he remembers them for years and ends the discussion with this:
"I woke up after this dream with a pounding heart. I knew I was alive, but in the twilight between sleep and waking, the dream was still real...
" Now, not only did I know what it was like to be her, [his mom] I realized that I actually go through a version of her madness every night when I dream--especially when my dreams stir me with fear and anxiety. She must have felt that same sense of helplessess, except that eventually, I would wake up to a world that seemed right again, but she never would."

The book is full of serious and funny. Okay, there's my book report for the year. :o)

Relish

I relish Fridays because I know Friday night is coming with two days to rest from school. Oh yes, teaching is still my soul work, but I'm worn out by the end of the week! Come on, you are too!

I made my own mayo tonight; Mmmmmm a wonderful relish!

The sun came out two days this week and we got to play outside. I relish these warm respites!

Lilo has been relishing sitting outside on the porch and whines if she doesn't get a daily dose!

I relish living in this beautiful place and have these gut feelings that I may be leaving it for next school year. I am ambivalent as to whether I want to leave or not. I do not relish change, but know it is what gives life its ultimate Relish!

Is that enough relish? If not,

Relish, relish relish. :o)

Sitting on Joy

It's been a couple of weeks since I last blogged. This last weekend my children, sans SIL, came to visit. It was their first time to see my abode here in OH. We actually had room for a little privacy without tripping over each other and all our belongings constantly!

I laughed as they unpacked and plugged in....laptops, cell phone chargers, digicameras. I live such a simple life! It is both exciting and sad as I find them in my lifespace again. I feel more a part of 'what's happening', yet sad that I am not usually in that mainstream....sort of off on a tributary.

We enjoyed each other's company and I watched as they took part in a friend's wedding ceremony. My children. My grown up adults.....still my children. I ache when they ache, I cry when they cry, I laugh when they laugh and feel joy at their successes that only a mother understands. I fear for them, never wanting them to hurt, be ill, have sorrows. They are part of my flesh and blood, my soul. Yes, even my DIL and SIL. They have become part of me, too, because they are such integral, intimate parts of my flesh and blood children.

And I have been sitting on monumental news for two days, not knowing exactly what to do with it. Should I share it? Should I hug it close to my heart safely, quietly, as a mother bird protects her eggs or as a mother hen hides her chicks under her wings?

So, slowly I began to share it. I called my two closest friends in River City and let them know. They were thrilled.

I am going to be a grandmother!

I question how I can let my own 'mother fears' go and be joyously happy, positive and yet honest to share what I know about the process. I want to be supportive, to be able to share experience and give advice only when wanted, to not interfere, yet be there in the midst of the joy and happenings.

I was shocked when I was first told. Now, as I write this, my eyes fill with tears. Cliche: circle of life. What a wild journey life is. After all these years of wondering why I was born, perhaps I know now and I am grateful.

Thanks, kids, for being you.