Sunday, January 28, 2007

Can't Help it: One more Nature Walk

Walking is my meditation, my joy, my freedom, my brainstorming time. Today I walked in the brilliant sunshine, with temperature in the upper 40's.

It's early spring....may I dare say it?
Early lavendar crocuses
More ducks than ever,
Ruddy ducks,
Mallards,
Pintail duck (perhaps)
Northern Shoveler (perhaps)
Kingfisher is back!
Sea Gulls of at least 2 varieties
Buffleheads
Great Blue Herons
Flicker
And, of course, Robins

And that's just what I could identify. The tide was out and the birds were foraging along the multitude of barnacles, mussels and clams in the sand and on the rocks.

Even the beach rocks were brilliantly dazzling in the sun. Dried off at home, they are less than brilliant, but I'll add them to my collection; some from OH.

Children on skates.
Dads swinging with their children.
Moms holding toddlers.
Happy laughter.
Baggy, dropped-trousered teen boys trying to bar-b-que.
Teen girls strutting in short skirts. (Brrr)
A football being tossed
Dogs trying to break free from their leashes to R U N!
Spring!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Faith.

I guess its my age, but I go through periods of reflection and have been thinking a lot about faith recently. Faith in my life is a result of the experiences I've had with God. The results add up to show that He has guided and protected my life; and I use that to know, that beyond this life on earth, there is life eternal. A perfect life without its ugly side, if I daily choose to live on God's side of this cosmic war.

I don't really know where or when I started building faith. At my mother's death, a lady came to me to relay that she had picked me up and taken me to Sabbath school when I was small. I do remember being in the children's kindergarten department. I don't remember my mother accompanying me. But I remember I liked being there.

Fast forward: Vacation Bible School was a summer highlight for my sister and I. I looked forward to it. Sometimes my mother helped out.

In sixth grade, my best friend asked me to come to her church with her...the Episcopal church. I liked singing in their choir (they wore those white capes with big black bows). They had a marvelous play of Jesus' birth in which all the kids got to play a part and then a party afterward. I remember loving to be in the play, but never getting to be the angel Gabriel. I remember receiving what my heart desired at the party afterward...a gumball machine! We used the same penny over and over to get at the gumballs! I remember my bitter embarrassment and 'shame' when I took part in communion when I was not supposed to, as I was not baptized and 'confirmed'. All the adults were whispering about my 'sin.' I stopped going.

I attended my own church once in awhile and as a teen, began to help with VBS in the summers. Mom, even though she was a 'stay at home mom' didn't take me anywhere, I walked. It was a small town; it was great.

When I was a freshman in high school I was invited to join the 'International Order of Rainbow for Girls' (I didn't know my church forbade joining secret organizations), so I did. Part of the initiation ritual ceremony was to promise to "Seek a religion that sought to enlighten rather than to enslave". That thought really hit home. By this time, I'd visited plenty of churches in town with my friends. Episcopal, Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodist, Church of Christ, and we lived right behind the Latter Day Saints (Morman) church, so I saw their comings and goings. I really couldn't understand a lot of what was taught in those other churches and never felt very welcomed.

Now, granted, I sometimes dreaded going to the grocery store, as I often ran into one of my church's children's teachers there who always prompted me to come to church. I didn't like her, but she kept me thinking, anyway!

At home, on weekends, dad worked till noon, or sometimes all day on Saturday. Sunday was his day off, but never really did anything with his family. He worked in the yard, puttered in his tool shop, always doing/making something to make life better for us. He was grouchy, cussed constantly, and seemed miserable. I tried to stay away from him most times.

Sometimes he wanted us all to go camping on the weekends and that was fun. He expected my mom to have Everything packed and ready to go when he came home at noon on Saturday so he could pack the car or jeep and we'd be off to the mountains. This was no fluffy camping trip like so many have now. This was in a WWII jeep, canvas tent, sleeping bags, food cooked over a campfire. Bathroom facilities were hiding behind a tree somewhere. We were very 'elite' when we purchased a campstove and folding table on which to assemble meals!

Anyway, part of my youthful rebellion was to go to church Saturday mornings and not help Mom pack to go camping. She never asked me to help her. I think she clung to the bits of faith she had and wanted me to have some to help get me through life. Those words of 'enlightening rather than enslaving' were still rolling around in my mind. Now those of you who have been SDA's all your life may look at this and shudder, but my family was very controlling and restrictive and confining. School was my outlet, my place of refuge, though I was not popular, had only a few friends, but did well academically and rallied in that. I'd early on decided no one, not even my dad, could take away my thoughts.

Through that time, I became more and more of a regular church goer. I was fortunate to have two adults who taught the youth bible lesson to inspire me during those years. One was a retired teacher and one was a doctor in town. They showed me the truths of the Bible, and Jesus. He became a real part of my life.

I decided not to attend Friday night school ball games and activities with my friends because the Sabbath I decided to celebrate began at sundown Friday evening. I stayed home in my bedroom, actually reading parts of the Bible. My dad would come into my bedroom, turn on my radio to the school game, tell me the scores, then leave. I'd turn off the radio and go back to reading. He did this 3 or 4 times during these times of quiet I tried to make for myself. He never understood why I was the way I was. Part of it was teenage rebellion. Part of it was my finding a better way, an escape from the anger and rage at home and the social rejection I received at school. So church and academics became more and more important to me. As I learned my talents and strengths I did have opportunity to be a leader. In Rainbow, I became the 'president' of our group and with good adult tutelage, did a good job. I made more friends at school, until I was included in the 'seconds' popular group...thanks to my best friends for helping me get in with them. We had good, wholesome fun, didn't date much. I still went to church and tried to get in with the few youth there, but they were a clique unto themselves.

When college time came, I wanted to go away to a church college, but my parents would not hear of it. I was to attend the local community college. My dad wanted me to live in the dorm. I dreaded that, as I didn't drink, smoke or carouse and didn't like those activities. I'd been around enough of it. When it came down to the time to apply, the dorm was already full and I lived with my dear aunt who attends my church. With a $1000 scholarship, I was able to pay her a monthly stipend for living there and all my books and tuition. There just happened to be several kids my age from my church going to the community college that year, as well. There were wonderful youth leaders in the church. I had an absolutely marvelous year and grew in faith. It was faith that got me to live with my aunt. We were all praying about it (my aunt and I). My aunt had originally offered to have me stay with her, but my dad, in his more than colorful language said no...over his dead body! Well, my mom was even scared to tell my dad there was 'No room in the dorm". But dad relented without much say. It was the first answer to prayers of that year. There were many more that followed.

At the end of that year, I wanted, more than ever, to attend one of our church's colleges. I applied to three that were each about 1000 miles from home, but in different parts of the country. One in CA, one in WA, and one in NE. I bargained with God, that the first one I heard from that accepted and had a job for me would be the one I'd attend. Well I did hear from NE first, but their paperwork was so difficult, I took the second one in WA. (I often wonder how my life might have been different if I'd attended NE.) Then, I didn't know how I'd get there. I'm not into hitchhiking, but I knew my dad wouldn't take me either, as he was very gruff about my attending anything having to do with religion. So, I wrote my parents and told them that if they wouldn't take me, that I would find my own way (secretly I knew that one of the friends I'd made that year in church was going back and I could ride with him). After much prayer and tears and worry on my part, my parents said they'd gladly take me.....I definitely think it was an answer to prayer as dad was so adamant about my not going to a church sponsored college! Faith, growing again! They took a 2 week vacation to bring me to the NW. Amazing, huh. Of course, I wasn't very nice, as they stopped at every little road sign. This was the third vacation my family had ever taken. Our 'vacations' were weekends camping.

Attending college in WA was amazing as I learned more about my church, its history and basis for its faith. I thrilled to listen to such a large congregation sing hymns together, to sing glorious songs in the choir, to be inspired by good speakers. To have Christ included in nearly all my classes. To have Christian concern for my welfare. I felt safe, I felt happy. I felt in control of my own destiny. God was answering my prayers and bringing me to Him.

Now don't think I didn't make stupid decisions as time went on, or that it was all perfect there. It wasn't. For example, my first roommate had an affair with the Spanish teacher and when I arrived back at school after Christmas vacation, she had moved me out of 'our' room and left all my belongings in the hallway.

I had come from a very controlled family to a very controlled college environment. From there I went into a pretty controlling marriage. I didn't really start making a lot of my own life decisions until I divorced......another chapter with its own pluses and minuses.

But God still leads me, still reminds me I am His. I believe He is preparing a home for me and all I have to do is make it through this life to make it to Him. I have two children whose very presence has helped me grow into a better adult with more faith. Without my precious two children (who are so grown up now!) my priorities would most likely have been very, very selfish and my faith would be lost. Sometimes I worry that my faith is shrinking even now, but then God brings himself close to me and shows me I am still His.

Through previous experience with Him, I know that when I feel most alone here on earth, He is with me to help me through to the next moment in time, wiser and more full of hope and Faith. Do you have a history of Faith? Are you making one now?

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Saturday

Today was one of those days I managed to get up, wander to the sofa with a book, eat, and then nap, read and eat again. At 4 p.m. I am finally up and feeling energetic, but what to do? Don't want to do laundry, clean house. It's too late to take a walk, though today was sunny and windy and probably a good day to walk. For some reason this week exhausted me. There was nothing unusual about it, really.

I committed myself to providing lunch for my two assistants on Monday and now I am panicking as to what to make. One assistant said the thing she likes least is pizza... Of course that was the first thing I thought of providing! I want to make them something they'll enjoy, but I don't think they'd like any of the vegan dishes I make. Remember awhile back I talked about our pot luck where nearly every single dish had sausage on/in it? Well, I don't think my vegie sausage would be appreciated! So, does anyone have any ideas for me?

I think buying them lunch would probably be cheaper than buying a bunch of ingredients I don't usually buy...at the end of the month when my grocery money is very slim.......ahem, was I just stupid, or what? Duh.

I've been glancing at my other favorite blogs and I think those people have dropped off the face of the earth, as it has been WEEKS since they've made entries. Come on folks, put yourself Out There!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Doc Hollywood

I don't know why i enjoy this movie, but I do! Over and over....and that's saying something, because I don't have many movies I would watch as reruns!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

More January Pictures


Heron on post keeping his (her?) feet dry


Kiddie pool covered in ice and snow

Boredom Abated

I always wonder what to title my posts. I'm not good at being witty. Last night I was so bored, I went to Walmart (laugh here) and bought 3 $5.50 DVDs and one I found for a buck. Then I came home and watched one. Felt the boredom lifting. Buying DVDs just seems like such a luxury to me, but as my dear son said, "It's better to buy the cheap DVDs that to rent them because I end up paying late fees, too." Well, I often have had to do that, so I went with his philosophy. The buck one is entitled, "A Place to Grow" starring Wilford Brimley...okay, okay. It had the main theme of the farmers losing their farms to big business...of course the love story was interwoven into the main theme. The $5 ones were "Little Women" with Susan Saradon, "Fly Away Home," the story about the father and daughter who used their gliders to help some Canadian geese migrate south. I have seen the film before and it's a good one about preservation of our nature reserves. Then the last one is "The Adventures of Milo and Otis." I can hear you all laughing now, saying things like, what a wus (I don't even know how to spell that one: I even checked my dictionary!)! But the films are just right for escapism. Isn't that what movies are for?

Today the sun, the sun, the sun!!!!!!!!!! My main goal was to get out there in it, no matter how cold! I waited till 1 p.m. and took about a 1 1/2 hour walk along the beach front. It was W o n d e r f u l! Many townspeople were there also. Temperature registered at 32 degrees F. There was also the middle schooler with only his t-shirt and jeans, skin bright red from the cold. Dumb kid. Obviously his parents never taught him hot/cold or how to care for himself. When I got home, I picked up my camera and drove back to the beach to take some pictures, so there will be evidence that one week beyond the snowstorm, there is still snow!



Birds standing on ICE!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

January Blahs

Okay, I've run out of things to blog about; the weather continues to repeat itself, my workdays repeat themselves, even my cold seems to repeat itself. All things continue as they are. I suppose there is some security to that. It is also boring. Think I'll take another nap.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Back to Work

Whew! I am finally feeling well again and returned to work today. Took two days off previously. Am glad I did, as I wouldn't have had the energy to last the whole day today! One of my assistants was gone this afternoon and her sub never showed. Ugh. We managed; mostly 'babysitting'.

And guess what? THIRD SNOWSTORM for the season! Can you believe it? My DIL and son wanted snow for the 3 years they lived here. The temperatures have dropped and I can tell from the temperature of my apartment that it is really, really cold outside. The half melted snow on the roads should be freezing by now. It is below 30 degrees F. Brrrrrrrrr and double Brrrr. Even Lilo is chasing around the house to stay warm.

Makes me wonder whether we'll have school tomorrow. If the buses can't run on the ice............
This afternoon the principal told all teachers to go home right after classes were out and the after-school meetings were cancelled. Heh, heh. This is a strangely good week. Smile.

Time to snuggle down under the comforter and quilt.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Shakey Weekend

My brain is fuzzy. I had such a headache yesterday, I chucked church and went to the doc instead. Sinuses! I got the usual antibiotics and nasal spray. The antibiotics are really working on me today and I feel shakey and weak. Down for the count. Not going to work tomorrow. Lots of couch potato-ness naps and liquids to get the meds through me. Ugh.

Now you remember I have been on antibiotics already for the rosacea? Had to stop those to take this new one. What a rat race. I try to avoid it and have for many years, but this year it hit me. I try to live a healthy lifestyle (though I'm addicted to sugar goods). But life is life.

Yesterday the sun came out long enough for me to take a walk; now it is stormy again. Sigh.

I think I'm going to drag myself to the classroom and make a list of things for my assistants to do tomorrow. It is their day to plan and do projects. I've made it as far as the computer...which is beside the door. Do you think I'll make it?


Time for another nap.

Friday, January 05, 2007

The New Year with a glimpse back



I've been home for four days now and made it through the first week of work in the new year. I really enjoyed my time in Memphis and had only a few minor delays in air travel (I went through Phoenix and BOY! am I glad!) By the time I got home, my cold had just about abated. Sorry, if I infected the Memphis clan :o( Tonight I have this vague feeling I'm getting a second stage of it.....or maybe the Memphis version?

I've given up worrying about the weather...can you believe it? It's true! We are having another howler storm tonight and I am actually running in and out of the apartment doing laundry. Yes, I live in a 'communal laundry' facility. Not that I like it, but my washing machine is being stored nicely until I move and can hook it up again!

My teaching assistant asked me what New Year's Resolutions I'd made. Frankly, for the first time in my life, I think, I hadn't even thought about resolutions. I never follow through, so why go to the bother of inflicting a guilt trip? It was wonderful to realize I hadn't made any.....but then, she says, "I see you're taking data today. That must be your resolution." Well, it wasn't, but pshaw! Now I feel guilty if I don't take data every few minutes! Oh, sly, she is!

Lilo was so glad to see me when I returned, that she laid on a pillow right by my head and purred all night, occasionally reaching out with a soft paw and patting my face to be sure it was really me! It was pretty cute, but really hard to stay asleep! She has learned that to go outside, which she begs to do each morning and evening, she must wear her collar. As long as I put it on her outside, she stands quietly waiting for me to put it on her. When outside, she sits on the landing and watches the world. Once in awhile she goes up the stairs to the enclosed landing above mine (the apartment is empty, so I don't mind). If she starts to go off our steps downstairs, I call her back and she Comes! She, a cat, comes back! (And where is Dr. Seuss when I need him?) That's more than the children do in my classes! Maybe I should put collars on them?...Only when they are outside? :o)

I promised to post pictures so I'll start now. More will come later as I feel like posting.
Notice the sequence in the following and fill in the blanks: