Que Sera, Sera

I can't believe all that's happened in the last month or so.

-helped kids pack in Oak Harbor
-kids stopped here for weekend on their way to the east
-applied for job
-got interview
-GOT JOB!
-ironic that kids just left there and have moved....what is that all about?
-excitement, fear and grief set in
-begin the good-bye process
-cry a little with joy and sadness
-get WA teacher's license
-finish work at this job
-feel overwhelmed with 'finishing' current job in a week
-say goodbye to friends at work
-say goodbye to families I coach at work
-help with VBS this week....shoot! why did I say YES? Why oh Why?
-am moving within a month! I've lived in this city for over 30 years!
-ay,ay,ay! boxes, packing, sell, get rid of STUFF!
-sell junk
-figure out how to move
-find funds to move
-find apartment to live in
-cry a little with joy and sadness
-send up thank yous for/to daughter and her offered help
-say goodbye to newly formed friendship circle at church
-spend time at cheap lakeside cottage to find apartment and 'relax'...yea, right.
-find apartment
-figure out new job
-settle into new job
-say goodbye to Barb...hard; we've been through so much together
-miss kids; Oak Harbor won't be the same
-ask question: What will my future be?
-Answer: "Que Sera, Sera, whatever will be, will be,
The future's not ours to see, Que Sera, sera!'

Waiting

I've waited all week for one pair of my young boyds to get here. It's an important, life-altering time for them, migrating south. Finally they've arrived for a short rest and rejuvenation, reuniting with other boyds before they continue their journey. Now, I'm waiting again, doing very quiet activities while they sleep. They've flown long and hard to get this far! I'm so proud of their strength and courage, their sense of adventure, their persistence and fortitude!

I wait for my other young boyd couple to visit, also. They are visiting others today, will see me tomorrow. It is so fun to be with my little boyds and see how responsible, independent and beautiful they are as mature boyds. Each has their own nest and are thinking about enlarging their own little flocks.

I wait for that, too! I look so forward to being a grandma to the small flock. I try not to hurry the future parents into choosing to start their own little flocks, as I want them to be prepared, as much as possible, for the responsibility it entails. But, oh, oh, oh, how I look forward to that time! Of course, I love babies, anyway. How could I help but Love my own little grandbaby boyds?

Then, today, I wait for the weather to cool. Zowie! It is so HOT! How hot is it? Literally we could fry eggs on the sidewalk! And in this part of the migratory path, that is really unusual. I'm glad I have air conditioning for my little nest.

Speaking of nests: I'm thinking about some changes in that, too. I'm waiting again, as I've applied for a job along the part of the migratory path where my one pair of young boyds has just come from. I love that part of the path. It is beautiful, a small town, clean air, close to the ocean, yet close to lots of big city amenities. So, if I move, and it would be this season, I will be needing a new nest. I've made my current nest so comfortable and become so accustomed to it that it will be hard to leave if I don't find a nice nest at the new place.

I'm excitedly waiting for the opportunity to interview for the job. I think it is something I will really enjoy and will teach lots of little boyds from many different flocks! I'm ready for some changes, I think. I am leaving my future in the hands of the boyd Creator, though. He knows best for me.

Well, I hear my young boyds chirping. Is it time to visit?

Multiple Choice

Eating, eating or eating. Where there's stress, there's me, eating! I know that it is My Choice, yet I just continue to eat and eat and eat. About three years ago I took a class entitled Coronary Health Improvement Project(CHIP). It is basically a plant based diet without refined foods and all that 'wonderful' junk that I love. I did really well; for in one month I lost 7 pounds, my total cholesterol went down 60 points to a 'safe' range and I felt really, really good. I was on my way! Then, more and more often, some old food habits sneaked in, until I had regained my weight, the cholesterol hadn't gone all the way back up.
(Insert chocolate chip cookie here)

A year later I repeated the class and regained my 'control'...ha! I had, by this time, stayed pretty much on the plant based diet, given up meat, all dairy products plus eggs. I felt really good when I kept myself in the regular routine. I really didn't have to give up much in the long run and even found that I enjoyed soy ice cream (although it's still caloric!) I've begun to eat organic foods and I feel better. But, yes, you guessed it, a break in my regular routine and I was back to my old ways: chocolate, caffeine, and lots of refined SUGAR!!!!!!!!!! From sweet cravings to salty ones is an easy gateway. Sugar, really an addiction. Yes, I've read about it, understand it, but can't seem to steer clear of it. What is it about it that I really am choosing NOT to give up?
(Insert soy ice cream here)

Well, by the the third year, I've really made this 'vegan' diet my own and discarded the refined foods in my house. Now I 'only' get them in single servings of vegan foods, but way too many....and many full of sugar, albeit 'healthy sugar'. Somebody help me! The CHIP program came around again, so I decided that not only would I return to the CHIP program, but I would help out with the food demonstrations and be a host. Of course this was all in hopes these things would inspire me and ingrain this eating lifestyle into my being. I do find it helpful with my overall health and with my weight control.
(Insert chocolate chip cookies and soy ice cream here)

At my age, my body doesn't use all the calories I stuff into it. Sugar and fat, 'my drugs of choice.' Crap. I'm just missing something here.
(Insert 'Tings' here)

This week I'm feeling particularly slothful. Can't seem to get out to exercise, though the weather is perfect for walks. I've been eating probably three times the amount I really need to function and the fat rolls just seem to keep coming.

STOP THE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a friend, who over the last year has lost 100 pounds and is exercising regularly. Talk about a hard won battle! She's on her way to winning the war! And looks fantastic! I have so much admiration and respect for all she's done! She's winning a lot of personal battles; even the piles of paperwork on her desk have been disappearing. It seems she's really getting to the core of her issues, and finding ways to overcome them.

And I ask, What is mine? Why can't I overcome this overriding, stuck place that has plagued my life? 'They' say you have to give up and quit trying so hard, give in to it.....give in to good health?

Is food really my most important comfort? What a sick thought. Do I have any self discriminating control? I think I know my issues. I've certainly dealt with them in therapy....over and over and over. Yet they still overwhelm me. Why do I let that happen? What is the basic ingredient for making that lifelong change? Oh yeah, I've heard that 'one day at a time' thing, too. Even the, 'one hour at a time' thing.

Choose one:

a)Stress reliever
b)emotional eating
c)comforter
d)Eating disorder
e) a lifelong habit to overcome
f)sin
g) a,b,c,d
h)all of the above
i)none of the above
(Insert Butterfinger here)