New Year Approaching...

It's the last day of this year; Too early for me to reflect on the good, bad and the ugly. I just know that right now I'm relishing in being home in the quiet (the traffic outside is minimal!) and not having to drive and walk around in the torrential rains we've been having!

For Christmas I gave myself one of those blenders called "Magic Bullet". It is small, has several mugs that you can blend up enough stuff for one serving and that is perfect for me! I love to make smoothies in the evening and I have had a lot of fun doing that! They are so much better for me than ice cream, which I crave! So I've been dreaming up recipes to try. There is a small recipe book included which gives me ideas; but mostly I want to make my own salad dressings, smoothies and sauces that will be vegan; as I continue to strive toward eating more healthy. I didn't do well over the holiday with lots of chocolate candy and cookies around. Finally, I just felt sick and have begun eating better, again. It is a lifelong struggle for me.

Then yesterday I also bought a 'tinged' green 5 x 8 carpet for my living room. It looks rather 'naked'. I think I will look for a cheap coffee table. I've been wanting one to put my feet on when I'm relaxing. I'm going to hunt for one with room underneath for books and such. Just a rearranging of junk. The color of the rug might be a good color for the wall, as well, which I am planning on painting. Then its on to a rearrangement and cleaning of the bedroom which is getting piled higher and deeper! Books! I love my books, but what do I do with all of them? The book stores seem to be getting more and more picky about the ones they will buy back. Does the library take them I wonder? Like my DIL, my own library would be nice. My D and SIL have wonderful built in bookcases. They would love a library, too, I'm sure. Maybe as they expand their home, a library will take shape! They do great work!

We had an agape feast at church last evening, and, believe it or not, I went to it. It was a little different from other communions I've attended, but nice. After the foot washing, we all went to the fellowship hall, where tables were set up banquet style in the shape of a cross, with some extra round tables set up. Candles lit the room, with plates of homemade bread and fruit arranged. On each plate was the traditional small piece of communion bread and pure grape juice. The pastor didn't do the usual reading in parts where the bread and 'wine' are eaten, but told us to remain silent as we ate and drank our traditional bread and wine and think of Jesus' sacrifice for us. It was very meaningful. Then, we were invited to eat of the larger 'unblessed' plates of bread and fruit while a microphone was passed around to talk of Jesus' blessings on us for the last year. It was good. Sitting at that long, long table reminded me of how it might be in heaven at the long feast Jesus will have with us. As we sat at the table, we were sitting close to each other, yet it was cozy and not claustrophobic. It was a good 'family' feeling. I really am glad I'm going to this church. We sang a few hymns and went home.

I also talked to a couple of people who are doing our next CHIP program in February and told them I'd help cook, etc. It will be busy, but fun. AND it will really get me back on track.

Christmas was quiet, as my kids were elsewhere, but I spent the day with my friend and her grandkids and that was fun and laid back; so the day wasn't completely a loss. I've worked some days during my long winter break, so I wouldn't go stark raving mad at home; even though I have plenty of projects, I tend not to do them, unless I have some outside structure in my life! I'm ready to take down my few Christmas decorations now. I bought a really cute Gingerbread house from Party LIte to add to the nice decorations I'm exchanging for the cheap crap I'd collected. Christmas eve I lighted all my holiday candles and listened to Christmas music and watched a good holiday movie on TV.
[o0 (Lilo's hello)] It was comforting and relaxing!

Yesterday I got two coworkers together and we slogged over rain swollen, flood crested bridges and roads, detoured around mud slides, and hauled equipment through the rain to a house in the country (I mean backwoods!) where one of our severely disabled students lives. We took out a desk and computer on which the disabled mom could learn to use word processing and children's games. The child can learn to use a switch to make games play....he doesn't have enough motor control to run a mouse. It would be hard to describe this family unit, but basically the mom has run off and has very little contact with her child, so the child lives with an aunt, who is disabled and the Great Grandmother in a small, but clean, trailer out in the middle of nowhere! It is amazing that they continue to travel clear into inner Portland to the big hospitals to get special therapy for the child. It's probably 30-35 miles one way. The child is getting tall and broad; they can hardly handle her! I fear what may happen if something should happen to her caregivers.

I have much for which to be thankful....and so do YOU!

Have a happy last day of this year, stay safe and may God show you His love! Hug your children..or spouse or whoever is closest to you!

Dear Santa

I know you are probably already on your rounds, but I felt the need to write you a letter.. I don't know how you do it each year with the population growth. Please don't forget those children around the world whose lives are limited by any number of 'disabilities'....social or otherwise.

Frankly, I am feeling quite sorry for myself tonight, yet so very thankful at the same time. I miss having my children with me, enjoying time together. When I'm by myself I start wishing to have 'things', but when they are here, I don't even care if there is a Christmas tree! It is just SO wonderful to be with them, laughing and sharing and feeling close.

I'm glad they are, for the most part, with other family and enjoying the celebration of the holidays. I just pray that my son in Iraq is safe and will feel family love extending out to him, though he's so far from home.

So, my American gluttony list goes like this: a carpet for my living room; a new couch; a set of semi-fine china such as Lenox' Butler's pantry or there's a similar one by Mikasa; a new set of stainless steel-ware for 12....somewhere I have the name of the pattern I've chosen, but you know what it is, Santa!; a Scungii steam cleaner (I still can't find the one my daughter loaned me! -- I hate getting old and forgetful! Do your elves help you out on this one, Santa?); a new laptop with DVD capabilities and personal lessons on how to use the thing; DSL-- better yet, wireless; lessons on how to use my new cell phone; a new car; new wardrobe (even one of my students asked my why I always wear the same thing...this from a 4 year old! You probably know him, Santa! Maybe you can give his parents a calm Christmas; they need it with that little guy!) I don't need any diamonds or furs...though I do enjoy wearing furs (they can be fake!) but it is generally too warm here to enjoy wearing them!

I drive myself crazy with my lack of financial stewardship and would be really excited, Santa, if you would see your way to bring me about $50,000. That would pay off all my school debts and the rest and even buy that new car I want, as well as get me into a house of my own, though I'll need enough to pay for a handiman/gardener to live on the premises. I don't have the knowledge or strength to do those hard jobs that continually pop up when one owns a house.

I went to church today and it seemed quite appropriate to have a baptism to celebrate giving.....giving the ultimate: one's life to Jesus. My daughter was baptised on Christmas day a number of years ago. Happy celebration, Sweetie! I do remember that commitment you made. I hope you are reminded as well and feel thankful and full of resolution to be true to your soul.

The weather was outstandingly warm today, up to 60 degrees with only high clouds and very slight breeze. You shouldn't have any trouble finding O. You can give Rudolph a rest for this part of the trip. I went for a long walk as soon as I got home from church...for an hour. It was wonderful and made me much hungrier for a nice lunch. I did eat too much Christmas candy after lunch; gave myself a headache. Took a little nap, too. Now I want to see a nice Christmas movie on TV, but of course there is nothing on. I really detest those 1/2 hour product advertisements....what are they called?

I really miss my son. Too bad you can't bring him home in your sleigh tonight. Do stop by and brighten his day/night....I don't know what work shift he's on.

Have your reindeer Knock three times when you land here. I'm probably one of the few who will offer you fresh fruit and vegetables, toast and hot cocoa for you and your reindeer. (I'm trying to eat healthier). I could use a hug, too. Thanks Santa.

Finally a Christmas movie is on.
Santa, Stay safe and don't forget the small children, the lonely moms, dads and well, anyone who's lonely.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

mmmmmm...owie.........mmmm

Curves is closed because of weather,
Determined to WALK!

Hard to walk in heavy boots and 3+ layers of clothing!
Owie! boots don't fit well!
Doesn't anyone make good boots to fit without
them costing an arm and a leg? Grr.

Mmmmm....crisp cold air
Breathe it in!
Hey! I can breathe! I must be healing!
Mmmmm.....breathe it in!

Ouch, ouch, ouch! Boots making blisters

Poor ducks and geese have no food today,
They need to put out their usual corn.

The slough is frozen over in spots!
Don't see any fowl on the open spots
Few ducks and geese flying over,
they must be down there somewhere!
Owie! Now my toes are numb, too!
Stand up straight, belly sucked in...
Ah, back doesn't hurt.

Note to self....work on posture.

Breathe it in......Mmmmm cold, crisp 'pure' air
I wonder how 'pure' it is? Has the inversion gone?
How much smog am I breathing today?

Ouch! I bet I'm getting heel blisters!
Keep going, you are going to walk for an hour!

Mmmmm....I still like the fresh air!
Breathe!

WHEW! Made it to the turn around.
Time to head home.
Wow! limbs from trees broken off from the high winds last week.
Park is quiet. Only a couple dogs in the dog park.
What's that guy hanging around that building for?
Keep walking; stay alert.

Owwwie! I'm sure I have blisters.
Toes totally numb; not cold now, though.
Maybe I'm getting frostbite on toes since they have no circulation
My kids would laugh at me. :o)

More breathing, more cleansing;
Blow nose for third time.

Wait for FedEx truck to back up over sidewalk,
driver probably can't see me.

Wait! What's this? Oh, oh, oh! A beautiful little song bird!
Right on the other side of the fence.....so glad I saw it...wait!
I bet that's the male and this one might be the female!
I wonder if they are the ones I heard singing such a pretty song!

Note to self: Look it up in bird book at home.
REMEMBER what it looks like!

Twist waist. Roll arms. Ahhh.
Ouch, I've definitely got a blister on each heel!
One foot in front of the other. Just a few blocks more.

Who's standing on my back porch?
Don't know her.

Hi! Can I help you?
Oh, I'm just your neighbor.
Thought I'd stand on your porch while
I wait for my ride.

I tell her: That's okay.
To myself: Hasn't she ever heard of an umbrella?
Would she like me standing on Her porch?
Take it easy. You'd be glad to get of the rain, too.
Relax.

No more breathing.
Go in, take off boots.
R E L I E F! Yep, blister on each heel.
Circulation coming back to toes.

Eat brunch. Take shower.
Run errands.
Clean house.
Finish laundry.
What a horribly messy kitchen.
Keep focused.

Monday B4 Christmas

Time has flown by since my last post. I've been struggling to work while ill. Haven't been totally successful. Finally, after to series of antibiotics and 3 dr. visits later, I think I'm on the road to recovery! AND, I'm on winter break, so I don't have to worry about work until next week!

Yesterday afternoon and evening we had sleet and snow (about an inch). When this happens, the whole city shuts down. I was blessed to be home, all cozy, watching the snowflakes fall. I went outside a couple times to get laundry and enjoyed the crisp clean air and muted noise the snow brings. This morning it is all melting in rain. Surprisingly it is not freezing when it hits the ground, which is a miracle, as the ground has been frozen from about 3 weeks of high velocity, COLD winds and low temperatures!

I continually worry about my children's spiritual health, as well as my own. Recently I've made a renewed commitment to bring my life into a closer connection with God and to do what I feel He expects of me. In church, we've been studying Ephesions 6:10-18, about putting on the "Whole Armor of God" and that has made me think so much of my son in Iraq. They certainly have a lot of armor, and yet, it is often not effective enough. God's armor IS effective and will save us for an eternal life of peace and joy with Him when we choose to use it moment by moment.

I have always had a really hard time dealing with war, whether on a large, world scale, or one to one in personal relationships. I ache that I played a part in causing 'war' between myself and my sis. I just pray that she and I will both heal whatever rifts have caused this separation. And that's another thing.......I do believe that sin is truly our 'separation in relationship' with God. I SO look forward to having my relationships healed on earth and with Him forever, to enjoy being with those I love and never having to worry about saying or doing something that I have failed to be/do honestly, or that my intentions have been misinterpreted. I do pray every single day for my family, that we will all be ready for Jesus' SOON coming.

I feel that God's armor helps us ward of the darkness that bombards us in this world, but we must use this armor if it is to be effective. We interpret our world from our senses. We must guard what comes in through those senses if we are to be able to allow space for God in our brains and hearts.

"Be Strong in the Lord and in His mighty power"...Put on the full armor of God...take your stand aginst the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers...authorities...powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
Belt: of truth
Breastplate: of righteousness
Feet: readiness from gospel of peace
Shield: of faith
Helmet: of salvation
Sword: of the Spirit which is word of God (Parts of Ephesians 6:10-18)

I always think of my Son when we study this Biblical analogy. He used to draw warriors of different kinds, from different eras of history. Now he is a sailor in a dangerous place and I pray that he also has on the armor of God.

I so worry that my kids' senses (from which we are affected for/against God) are centered on the dark things of this world: the movies they choose, the books they read, the games they play, the way they care for their bodies, the relationships they build, the gathering or not gathering of themselves with other Christians. I know it is hard to find true Christians, but they are out there. Most of all, we need to Be one. I want nothing less than for my children to live up to their highest potential. As their mom, I've made plenty of BIG mistakes, for sure, but I did try to give them a solid, MESPSF healthy beginning. I hope they'll forgive me for hurting them in ways I may not have known, and to forgive me for the ways I have hurt them when I didn't consider how very much they would be affected by my actions.

I want to be there for them whenever they need me, now. They just need to ask. I am proud of the adults they have become and want to continue to enjoy the good times and comfort them in the bad times. I know I won't always be around, but our dear Jesus will be. Although we can't 'feel' Jesus arms around us, he puts people in our lives to give us those hugs when we need them, if we are open to them. Those are the friends we develop. I pray my children will have Christian friends with whom they can enjoy life here and later.

I guess being off work, 'house bound' because of the weather, and wrapping gifts for those I love gives me time to reflect on life. I am happy in my work, in my little apartment I call 'home', with the beautiful friends I have, and with my dear, dear family. I have found a church home I enjoy, at long last. And now, I'm going to go enjoy a good exercise at Curves!

I hope you'll have a happy 'Monday B4 Christmas!'

monday evening

Weekend outing with Barb went down the tubes as we both felt like we couldn't take the bitter cold gorge wind to walk around looking at the Christmas lights. Then we also felt like we had colds and wanted to forego making them worse. I did go to a CHIP buffet Sunday evening and learned lots of wonderful recipes for Healthful holiday goodies. The apple pie was scrumptious! I got Christmas cards addressed. I just need to get stamps! I hope that gets done before NEXT Christmas! I made some fudge from scratch.............it turned into a good chocolate syrup (of course I substituted soy milk for regular milk. I made Payday candy bar 'bars' and that turned out yummy. I'm hoping to send some to my dad and Andy. Andy's may not get there before Christmas, but he'll still enjoy them! I found a CHIP recipe for tortilla wrap finger 'sandwiches'. All is right for the holidays! I'm still trying to clear the sinuses....I was going to say I was still 'snorting' but that has a bad connotation to it nowadays. I do sound a bit like reindeer, however.

Little Lilo curled up just like a little baby beside me in bed this morning. She must have been really cold! I finally got her water dish back in working order and she has been spending a lot of time playing with the water. She is something else! Before I got a new filter in it and had taken it apart to clean, she would jump on the little table where I had replaced her special water bowl with just a regular bowl and she would just look at it, back up, look up at the wall and just m-e-o-w. I think she was grieving her special dish! All is right with the world for her now, though.

I'm still at work and just want to go home. I'll write notes tomorrow. It's dark and I hate driving in the dark. Most of the traffic is coming 'at' me, as I head back into the city.

great idea!

I've discovered a fantastic idea...why didn't Martha S. think of it? I never know what to do with the boxes that had all the Christmas decor in them. I hate to put them back in the basement, just to drag them out in a month to put all the stuff away. So! I bought (at the Dollar Store) large, oversized decorated Christmas wrap bags, put the boxes in them, tied a big bow on them and stacked them in a corner of the room as part of the rooms' decor. It really adds a festive touch! Hey, hey, and I don't have to haul them around anymore!

Sabbath morning

Well, another week has gone by. I'm still not feeling recovered from my cold; at least it wasn't the flu! I hate sinus colds!

Missing two days of work put me in a tailspin, especially since we only have next week until our winter break. There is a lot that needs to be done next week. I'm going to be very, very busy! I hope I don't collapse the next week off, as I want to enjoy being with friends and the Christmas season stuff! I will work a couple days the week after Christmas and two the final week of our break. That way, I won't feel completely out of it when we get back full time. Work is, how can I say it, a whirlwind that simply moves from place to place, picking up speed and activity from time to time, and settling back down at intervals.

Well, I found out that our whole office is moving in a year. ESD truly is a vagabond organization. Not only do we itinerant teachers work out of the back of our cars (as offices), but our classrooms are indiscriminately moved from school to school within the districts at their whim. It is maddening, to say the least! Then, our whole agency office has moved 3 times in the last 12 years I've worked there. They continue to renovate and move offices around within whatever building we are in, as well, as the administration attempts to make things 'better' for us. It is a joke! Our 'desks" are these metal work stations that are the size of a large bookcase with two open shelves on top, a pullout shelf for our computers and two lateral file drawers beneath. Of course, if one has the pullout shelf in use, its impossible to get to the file drawers underneath. When we leave our stations for appointments, we have to close our doors and move our chairs out of the way. We are packed one in side by side, 10 to a row. We have no space for a side table, to lay out a file, or anything. There are extra small tables available, but if the person next to you is also present, there is no place to put the table. For a gov't agency, it definitely doesn't use any money on proper office space....at least for us who come and go. Those who are constantly in the office at least have some space of their own. Trying to make a confidential phone call is almost impossible. I often use my cell phone and go outside or to the bathroom or some other enclosed space for those....and we do make those calls with our families, as we discuss their children's difficulties. They tried to make us happy by giving us ergonomic chairs.......it is only one piece of the puzzle!

Well, I started this conversation because of the building moves and got a little sidetracked. The building where we are now located was once an SDA church. It has vaulted ceilings and has been remodeled to accommodate office space. It does not work well as an office, the heat is horrendous (mostly in the stairwells) and the plumbing does not accommodate large groups on a daily basis, so is regularly backed up! Some workers think the place is haunted....so stupid. It is just not made to be an office architecturally!

This last week I heard we will be moving again in a year.....and guess where! The old Oregon Conference office building! I guess the ESD bought it. I think the OC is moving to the campground! Amazing. What is the connection that our agency has with SDAs to keep buying their property? Are the SDAs just selling things cheap? The rumors at the office are that this building is really HUGE and will accommodate us so much better. I've been there many times. It will not We will be crowded in there, as well; just wait. I just thought it incredible that our ESD purchased yet another SDA building. Weird.

Well, not much else. Barb and I plan to do our Christmas get together tonight. Walk through the grotto and have dinner out somewhere. At least it will be early, as she doesn't like to be out late, either. I'm hoping I'll feel up to being peppy and able to keep warm as we walk through the Grotto. Weather here is bitter east winds with low temps. Only thing we've got going for us is the clear skies....no rain! When it does start raining, you can bet we'll have an ice storm, as the ground is so frozen!

Have a good weekend!

Yucky day

Well, seems like lots of life has happened since my last post. Work began after break with a fast pace and has not stopped....unfortunately, my body gave up to a bad cold. It isn't the high fever, achy flu, but just head and chest congestion and general malaise. I've called the doc and I'm supposed to get a callback after lunch. I finally gave it up and stayed home from work yesterday and then, again, today. I thought I'd be okay today, but couldn't sleep well as the congestion was even hurting my ears. I'm still on the steroid inhaler to heal the asthma from my last bronchitis go-round and now I get this on top of it.

I think I've just tried to do too much and it doesn't take much to take me down these day. I don't know how I used to do so much......Well, yes, I do. That's why I burned out so many years ago. I've learned to better pace myself, but not always to say NO!

I ended up working much too hard coordinating an xfamily's wedding reception. I didn't have good vibes in the beginning because I didn't get specific instructions and then, when it all began to happen, there was much more involved and fewer people available to help. Such is the way of the xfamily. (At least all but one grandchild is married now and she doesn't seem to be going that direction. I'm still trying to be nice, I guess. What IS that all about? I guess the xfamily could have been pretty rotten to me, and they weren't at crisis time.)

I felt like I had a slight cold on the wedding day, but thought it would go away, as many have recently, but it was not to be. I made it to work on Monday with lots of cold medications and then crashed on Tuesday. I finally felt well enough late afternoon to run an errand to the post office and to take back a dress to a nearby small store....NOT at the mall. By the time I got home, I was exhausted again. So much for this week. The laundry continues to pile up with the unpaid bills, dust bunnies and piles of unwanted paper.

I get so many catalogues recently. Choke! Just because I look up something on the web doesn't mean I want a stupid catalog! Grrrr. Information is nice, but not without its drawbacks.

Lilo cat is having meltdowns today as I took her fountain water dish apart to clean it. It desperately needs a new filter and I think water from the tap is cleaner than what was circulating in her bowl. Problem is that she loved to play in the water fountain, and I took away her 'toy', so she's roaming the house, getting into things she shouldn't, trying to keep 'busy', finding the 'wrong' things to play with!

It is a blustery day outside. Weather person says the windchill is 29, though the temp is 40. Lilo sits at the window watching the garden flag flutter. Silly cat.

Have read a bit, tired of the same 'ole news and stupid daytime shows. Can't concentrate on reading anything of substance or even addressing Christmas cards, though this is an opportune time to do it........Can you tell I'm feeling very sorry for myself? I have to remember that this, too, shall pass.

This is winter. Maybe I'll put on some holiday music.....I have some piano background music somewhere........................